• Shadowfall

    The gnarled old floor creaks ominously underfoot
    As my broken spirit plummets,
    Spiralling hopelessly downward
    To where the shattered picture lies,
    Framed amidst glittering blood-drenched shards;
    Gritty, gut-crunching splinters
    Stinging my cold, bare feet.


    I try once again and....


    I've lost my smile forever now
    And know not where it went.
    Stripped so unkindly away
    With such dry-sobbing sadness:
    Tear-drenched, bitter-sweet memories
    Ring endlessly throughout this darkness
    That was me.


    I try once again and....


    Oh once I was so young and rich and proud,
    Sparkling brightly under time's slow rich burden,
    Wanting so much to grow up faster
    That I guess I finally did.
    But life's flown by so quickly now
    That its caught me up at last,
    And for the life of me....I cannot hold this back!


    I try once again and....


    Mind-Shadows rise and fall....mocking me
    With such wry grave good-humour
    As life unwinds inside my tortured mind;
    Flashing full of strangely familiar faces.
    I look up, gasping....gagging and scared;
    Stringy saliva trickling slowly down the barrel,
    As I cling tightly to my sad little spark.


    I try once again and....


    I want all my days over again...so very much.
    Oh to be a child once more
    With brimming bubbly heart
    In a world full of bright-eyed delights;
    Chasing butterflies all my sunny days through,
    Watching the waters sweetly flowing
    Under all my life's bridges once more.


    I try once again and....


    So much have I missed!
    So much have I wasted!
    So much have I lost!
    So little have I done.


    What was it like to sit on Dad's lap?
    What did he feel like way back then?
    I can remember his smell, his voice, his strength.
    But can I remember all of him?
    Will he still love me?
    Will he forgive me?
    Will I ever know now?


    What was it like to sit on Mum's lap?
    What did she feel like way back then?
    I can remember her smell, her voice, her warmth.
    But can I remember all of her?
    Will she still love me?
    Will she forgive me?
    Will I ever know now?


    But Suicide....is....Forever!


    And I feel so very sad and lonely now,
    So cold and small and tired and utterly alone.
    My mind vomiting gaping black shadows
    As the tangy taste of tear-drenched steel
    Fills my trembling mouth once more.


    I try once again, and....


    Maybe this time I can really, really do it,
    And send my sad little spark shooting out;
    Flying far, far away into that big dark night out there.
    And oh my dear God...please...have mercy,
    For I cannot stand this pain!


    I try once again, and....


    ....brief candle....OUT!


    The trembling floor begins its grisly red-grey feast
    As the mindless dance begins:
    With just a quiet drumming of heels
    In some God-forsaken nightmare
    As some mother's child gives in.


    Copyright 1992 Robert Bruce

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