CFTraveler's Blog

It's obviously not from the beginning, but I think I'm going to post some thoughts about some things that I'm experiencing.
I was up to Step Six in IIH, but found a problem when working with Akasha- It seems like every time I start visualizing and working with Akasha, some really basic and at the same time conflict-causing things start to happen- not earth-shattering, just unwanted pain and conflict, coupled with other things, like nightmares.

So I decided to go back to basics. Although I don't plan to start on Step I again (I've actually done it many times for years) I did go back to my soul mirror, and to my surprise found that when before all of my dominant features were fire-related, both good and bad, the latest mirror I did revealed that I have a lot of problems with water issues, or rather, that now my most difficult personality flaws (for lack of a better term) are water related. A big change, and surprising, too.

I then decided to start working with elements again, going over stuff I thought I had mastered, and I found to my surprise that I am now having all kinds of problems with water.
Mostly, I have been doing the meditations with each element (I have no problem moving elements in and out of my body and visualizing element-related things), but today I decided to go a bit deeper and actually clairvoyantly 'see' each element in front of me- so I went into a pretty deep trance and got the flame in front of me (so real it actually startled me nearly out of the trance) then the air was a bit tricky, so instead of 'seeing' air in front of me I imbibed it and got a good 'float' going- and then I decided to do water next- and I tried and tried to 'see' a ball (or cup, or saucer, or anything) of water in front of me, and no dice. The plan was to have the saucer in my astral hands, and then disappear the saucer, but no dice- I must have sat there for probably an hour, and I couldn't manifest the water. At that point I had to get up, so I owe earth, and have to go back to water again.
I think I'm going to locate this step and redo everything from there, once I get a handle on the water thing.
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I just read the post about the Grail that Oliver wrote, and I liked what he said about there being a Grail realm, that beckons you closer to the Source, and how it strips away parts of your being that are not in alignment.
It occurs to me that this is kind of what is happening to me when I try to work with Akasha- it being 'quintessence', the primordial essence, it is in a way what I'm trying to do- imbibe myself in it- and it's doing what it's supposed to- bringing stuff up that needs to be healed/eliminated- and instead of reacting with fear and thinking I'm doing something wrong I should be glad to have the opportunity for this work.

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This morning 3/4/12 I decided to try to work with two things that were causing problems: water element and evocation, which makes me scared. I decided to call on my Higher Self, and to work with water again. This time I was able to manifest it, but it was murky and greenish. I 'touched' it and cleared it and it disappeared.
I also had asked my HS to help me work with it, and I saw a shimmering presence for a second and another burst of color for another second, and then a cross and a pyramid. Not sure what this means, but I'm recording it for later figuring out.