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Signs and synchronicity – Part I – The shift

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A little more than two and a half years ago, I started experiencing a series of signs and synchronicity events that marked the beginning of an important shift in my life. I was to have a glimpse at what it means to `go with the flow` and to let go of unnecessary ties -and fears- binding and blinding me from my heart’s true desire. I was also to find out, without a doubt, that there[I] is [/I]more to life than what we see, and that `some mysterious force` do care about our growth to the extent that we may ask for help[I] and[/I] be answered, in the[I] physical[/I], sometimes in a subtle manner, sometimes in a [I]not[/I] subtle one at all, and sometimes also with quite a clever touch ;)

[B]The perfect picture[/B]
So back then, I was involved in a long-distance relationship with someone living in France. We had known each others for more than two years at the time and although we had only met in person for short periods during summer time, we were genuinely in love. I was working in Canada as a junior translator for the government, a very well paid permanent job, within my field of studies, among a very supportive team. On the outside, everything looked perfect…

[B]…Perhaps not so perfect[/B]
On the inside however, things felt very different. I was happy with this relationship, but we had spent the entire summer together 24/7 before I started working as a translator, and it was now very difficult to be apart again. Moreover, after a few months, I started realizing that I was also very unhappy with my job. ``I am certainly off track again``, I would often think, for I had always held the belief that we have some kind of `task` to fullfill in our lifetime, however `small ` or `mundane` it may seem, and I strongly felt like I still wasn’t following my heart at all… But I had been `soulsearching` like this for so long, and my life as a result had been nothing but stable, that I now doubted I would ever find… ``Perhaps I know not how to appreciate what I have``, I then started to believe. After all, I should have been content with this job; so why was it that I felt trapped like this?

[B]The seed[/B]
I went to a psychologist once, who asked me in a very straightforward manner what holded me back in the country, and what holded me back in this job? Couldn’t I start anew in France? The question really striked me but… I couldn’t yet see I was [I]really[/I] free to go. Social pressure was binding me. And I was afraid; I wanted to play it safe. After all, I had a carreer here in Canada while he didn’t have a job and was studying in a field that didn’t seem to suit him. I had more to lose, I used to think. (!)

Nevertheless, the seed was sown… And I started daydreaming more and more about the idea. What would be our life like if I went there? Where would we live? Where would I work? I started doing some searches on the Internet and found out it was possible to obtain a [B]one-year visa[/B] rather quickly and easily as part of a special arrangement between both countries. However, my hands were still tied by some invisible rope. I was still clinging on the safe side and I wasn’t sure I would have the courage to make such a move.

[B]The shift[/B]
One morning, I woke up unhappier than ever, and as I walked to work, hand in hand with my dark thoughts, I came to ask for the first time, from the inside, some undefined benevolent and higher force to please help me find my way, for I felt so lost, and to please help me find what I should do about my situation, since I was very unhappy with it and I sincerely didn’t know what to do. I also asked the answer to be as clear as possible since I genuinely didn’t think I would be able to see it if it were to be too subtle.

[B]A subtle first answer[/B]
At the time, I wasn’t sure at all I would get any answer, and I certainly wasn’t expecting any answer to come [I]that[/I] quickly, for less than 10 minutes later, as I was crossing a parking lot, I suddenly recognised one of my former translation teachers who had just gotten off his car. We discussed about translation and my workplace. He asked me if I liked it there and I replied that I thought I liked translation but I didn’t really like [I]this[/I] job which didn’t exactly feel fulfulling to me. And he said he wasn’t surprised at all. I don’t recall all the details of this conversation but I think he meant to say that I wasn’t this type of translator, and that I would need something that would give me more freedom and more space to be creative.

The odds of meeting him on my way to work that particular day were quite slim. I think I saw him no more than one or two other times in several months, but to be honest, I [I]didn’t[/I] recognize this quite timely encounter as an answer back then. I now do. I can easily see how I was brought to voice out loud what I really felt and how my teacher brought me elements of answer as to why I felt this way and what I would be more suited for. Perhaps it was still too subtle… But there was more to come, and the next answer wasn’t going to be subtle at all! ;)

[B]A not-so-subtle second answer[/B]
I arrived at work, made coffee and worked some time on my text when I suddenly felt compelled to print some pages of it to write down notes and underline words. Oddly enough, this was not something I would usually do, for the simple reason that it would have used a lot of paper to do so everytime I worked on a text. But apparently, that morning, I [I]needed[/I] to print my text, and so, some time later, I went out of my cubicle to pick up my text at the printer, which was a few cubicles away. On the table nearby was a year old calendar that one of my colleagues had left there with a post-it note on it, which can be translated as something like this : ``Could it be useful to someone? Ex : picture cutting for kids. I find it would be a loss to just throw it away.``

And then I couldn’t stop staring at the calendar which, to my amazement and disbelief, was titled… [B][I]365 Days in FRANCE[/I][/B] (!)

I took the calendar with me and I even carried it with me in my luggage when, later on, I [I]did[/I] leave the country to spend [B]a year[/B] in France with the one I love. Before I left, I also had a little chat with this colleague who had signed the post-it. I had never really talked to her much before but I wanted to let her know about the calendar and how through it, without knowing it, she had helped me to take my decision to leave.

Her face brightened when I told her…

***
One of my friends and I discussed about this yesterday. He said he remembered howmuch I was bottoming out at the time and how much these events freed me. And he was right. Finding this calendar that morning felt like such a meaningful message to me indeed, as if this `mysterious force` was telling me to have no doubt, for this was my heart’s true desire, and to have no fear, for it was going to be fine… Knowing this and knowing I would be accompanied on the way, I no longer hesitated and all my fears, one by one fell. I quit my job, applied for the visa, and within a month, I was gone.

We often forget that we have the keys to our own fetters…
That day, I was reminded of this.

***
Just for the anecdote (this is so funny!), after I wrote down these two last sentences, I suddenly felt compelled to check if the phrase `the keys [I]to[/I] our fetters` was grammatically correct. I thought that perhaps it was `the keys [I]of[/I] our fetters`(yes, I know; please don’t judge! :lol:). So I did a quick google search and found right away this interesting page called `[I]Essentials of Buddhism - Fetters[/I]` containing this exact phrase I wrote minutes ago : ``We have to be fluid and adaptable in our thinking. [B]We have the key to our own fetters[/B] right within our own minds.``
[URL]http://www.stumbleupon.com/url/www.buddhaweb.org/5.html[/URL]

Click on the title and this will lead you to a list of 10 fetters restricting our freedom, according to buddhist philosophy :

[LIST=1][*]Self-delusion[*]Doubt[*]Clinging to Ritual[*]Sensuous Lust[*]Ill Will[*]Greed for Fine Material Existence[*]Greed for Immaterial Existence[*]Conceit[*]Restlessness[*]Ignorance[/LIST]

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Comments

  1. Korpo's Avatar
    This is a very wonderful story. So, you're living in France now?
  2. poème's Avatar
    At the moment, I’m in Canada…and he’s in France. On the outside, it may seem like we’re back to square one, but on the inside, I know this not to be true. I’d say that overall, I’m feeling good about my life now. It is not perfect, and I reckon that unpleasant experiences happen, but I know that good surprises also await in the corner. And I know that I can bring changes too, for we are the artist of our life…It is up to us to craft it so that it pleases us. We may or may not have [I]carte blanche[/I], but it still seems like we have a great freedom and power to do so, perhaps much greather than we think.

    For me, being aware of these simple things –things I wasn’t fully aware of back then– changes everything... :)
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