I'm having problems with persistent rage, please read and advise

Even if we forgive people, doesn't mean we have to like them, or want to be around them.

If someone punches me in the face for no particular reason (which has happened more than once), I can forgive them, but I won't want to hang out with them or anything.

You do what you have to do and move on, and don't look back. Some people get caught up in the drama of reliving the "past" for decades and wonder why they are still miserable after so long.

I've done that plenty, once I stopped creating that feeling, and reliving those memories, I stopped having those type of experiences.

Being strong and holding stuff in is completely overrated. One can't expect that trauma and drama won't transfer from person to person. I hope you find the right environment to heal - you and your kids deserve it.

I live on the top floor of a 3 floor apartment building. the 2 couples beneath me are loudly arguing for past few weeks. I feel like I'm on top of some column of anger. And I worry...(mad thinking...) I caused it, as I project my emotions and thoughts sometimes. also I'm tired from it keeping me up. their thick cannabis smoke blowing up past the window makes me feel dizzy too. I feel sad and tired. But, maybe with potential strenth and improvement.

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Originally Posted by buzzcock

I live on the top floor of a 3 floor apartment building. the 2 couples beneath me are loudly arguing for past few weeks. I feel like I'm on top of some column of anger. And I worry...(mad thinking...) I caused it, as I project my emotions and thoughts sometimes. also I'm tired from it keeping me up. their thick cannabis smoke blowing up past the window makes me feel dizzy too. I feel sad and tired. But, maybe with potential strenth and improvement.

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Dear buzzcock,

When there is misuse of anykind, there will Always be anger and low entities feeding on them.
You must understand that you are not causing theires problems, they have their own issues to solve, and you have yours.
Make sure to keep your cool and you have a good opportuinty to observe your fear and make it lesser, but if you all the time go into guilt thinking you are the cause, that is a big mistake, drop the guilt and be realistic about the reality, and take care of yourself, and stop focusing on others.
Be sure you do not misuse any substanses and you give yourself a good chance to heal your own hurt, tell yourself that you are ok and a good person, I Think you are, and you will lesser the guilt and fear to a level where you can see yourself clearer.

Love
ia

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Originally Posted by buzzcock

I feel like I'm on top of some column of anger. And I worry...(mad thinking...) I caused it, as I project my emotions and thoughts sometimes.

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Look at the two thoughts there. You feel like you're "on top of some column of anger". And then in the same paragraph, you worry that you caused it? Are you really that powerful? That able to generate a column of anger that extends throughout a building? I'd be willing to guess that you're actually not. ;) This is ego-self trying to be more important than it is, I suspect (don't worry; it happens to everyone, and I'm not chastising you or anything, just pointing it out).

No, their fountain of rage comes from them, probably from years and years of pent up anger that may have little to do even with each other, let alone with you.

It IS possible to project, sometimes, but what you describe doesn't sound anything like that. Usually the projection issue comes up with two people just manage to push each others' buttons, so to speak.

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Originally Posted by buzzcock

also I'm tired from it keeping me up. their thick cannabis smoke blowing up past the window makes me feel dizzy too. I feel sad and tired.

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Perhaps a discreet word with the landlord is in order. And if that doesn't help, a call to the police, especially if they're fighting while simultaneously smoking pot. ;)

thanks BW,

I was reading some older posts from you in another thread where you were talking about losing beliefs, and you said something like, most people don't want to change their reality, they just want to succeed more in the one they are in. That's pretty much how I feel now. I really like where I live, I just feel that shyness, fears, bad relationships, bad feelings are holding me back from enjoying it fully. I want to stay in the place I am now, but to be more successful in it, making more friends, having better relationships and more happiness.

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Originally Posted by buzzcock

you said something like, most people don't want to change their reality, they just want to succeed more in the one they are in.

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That sounds like me, yeah. :)

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Originally Posted by buzzcock

I want to stay in the place I am now, but to be more successful in it, making more friends, having better relationships and more happiness.

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Sometimes those things are only possible with change, though. Einstein noted that, “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them.” I've certainly found this to be absolutely true.

I'm in agony. I just cannot cope with this person in my life. Every day for the past 2 weeks she has asked me round to help and then blasted loads of anger chaos and humiliation on me. I'm currently refusing to see her which means I cant see my kids. I've been punching my own arms and legs in frustration all weekend and am covered in bruises.

she has a thing of feeling unappreciated (she had to do all the family chores without thanks as a child) so she talks me into letting her make me meals and drinks and then gives me long angry lectures about how I want to be waited on and don't appreciate her making me food. At first I tried to give her big thanks all the time, then when that didnt change things I just told her not to make food and drink, and she just cajoles me into letting her do it for me again, and then starts shouting how childish and unappreciative I am. I feel humilated confused and am going crazy.

(i feel better now after writing it out. hopefuly ill work something out where I dont have to see her ).

I did a big "grand exit" where I recorded her being agressive with a dictaphone, then told her i had recorded her, and she was scared, and I said "you are an unpleasant little bully, goodbye" and stormed out. I wanted it to be a victory as she usually "brings me down to her level" and has me raging, but i just feel awful.

It sounds like both of use could use some Codependent anonymous, you could go as a couple, and you can make it a condition of you having anything to do with each other. And if she refuses, go by yourself. If she is as she sounds eventually she'll go with you, and if ultimately it's not meant to be, you can do your own growing.