Re: 30/May/2011: Someone Nearly Tore My Arm Off ;-)
30/May/2011
Someone Nearly Tore My Arm Off ;-)
Ok, so this is a short one, actually a failure but even failures are sometimes notable - due to the circumstances. In hypnopomp state, I get the dream-like image (or create it myself) of my uncle who died a few months ago. I am partially lucid, and think to myself that he might help me and stretch out my (imaginary?) arms to say hello to him.
Suddenly, my left arm is heavily tugged at, this time more in the direction away from my body (like s.o. tugging at you or pulling you near them) rather than upwards. It is very violent. I am not angry but not really 'pleased' either. Of course, there is no pain, it's my energy arm anyway. Still, it is unpleasant. Then I feel the 'usual' pressure/grip around my wrists again. Ok, usual procedure. (Is it "her"? I don't know. Btw, I did and do not think it is my uncle!). Then I 'ask' (telepathically) for the hands to be grabbed again, which works (usual procedure, my goodness, this is even getting a bit boring now...). So I keep lying there with grabbed hands. I see nothing. (I don't know anymore if I 'felt' a take-off and flying this time).
Then it gets like it was on my "09/Apr/2011 - Personal Trainer? Part 1: Flight Simulation: Appartment" lucadventure: I see 'lighted darkness' with closed eyes (close your eyes and direct your head to a lighted lamp, that's what it is like). Actually, nothing more happens then. I ask the entity: 'where are we going?' No answer. I am already a bit on edge. It has not only to do with the violent clumsy tugging, but also with my general bodily constitution, as I went to bed completely tired and also a bit sick (needing sleep desperately). It did not get better today. I felt tired, stressed out and a bit headachy all day long. So possibly it wasn't my day (night) anyway.
Then I feel something warm (the hands still grabbed and the 'lighted darkness' still on) additionally at my upper left arm. This is the moment when I decide I definitely have enough! As I also did not get any answer til then, I break off the whole thing, which I can do easily by waking up.
Comments / Afterthoughts
It all sucks.
04/Jun/2011: First Phasing (?) Or Hypnagogic Exit (!)
04/Jun/2011
First Phasing (?) Or Hypnagogic Exit (!)
New method: I got up after 2-3 hours of sleep and laid down again after being up for 15 minutes or so. I put on some light clothes and also put a woolen blanket under me for back-up because I lie on the back, which I don't usually do. As I am a notorious side sleeper (actually I so far could never fall asleep while on my back), it has the great advantage of not being so comfortable and falling asleep only very lightly - so it won't be pretty deep and I can get easier into "the state" that helps me exit. That's what I thought. And this exactly works for me (quite a few times now).
So here (on my first attempt) I got into the state where I knew I could exit. No vibrations though! I was looking forward to it and smiled. Then I asked for a hand. It felt like being in my portal again. The hand came, but no strong grip. I stretched out my second hand, the funny thing is that it was somehow with crossed arms. A second hand also came.
I don't know if I rose up but it felt like moving and I saw black. It was the black velvety background with thin lines being drawn again, this time the only colour was violet (which I assume to be a good sign for me).
After a while without seeing anything I requested vision. It came after a few seconds. I saw myself then getting up from bed in my portal indeed when looking at a mirror in the ceiling, seeing my"self". I thought then that I woke up. So this was a false awakening unfortunately, which means I lost this time too much of lucidity. Don't know much about what happened then but I think I soon woke up after that or fell into "normal" sleep/dreams.
Comments / Afterthoughts
I don't know if I really "phased" or just exited from light sleep/hypnagogia, but it is still a premiere anyway, since I did not go out from "the other side" namely from hypnopomp stage (diving up from deeper sleep). This is progress for me. I also seem to be beyond vibrations now completely.
I wonder if the mirror might indicate the 'gate' to my higher self. Nick Newport indicated such a thing in one of his courses. Maybe the colour violet also indicates this for me? At least, I connect violet with my HS. Last but not least: in my pre-sleep affirmations, I had asked my HS to help me with exits. So maybe it worked. :thumbsup:
11/Jun/2011: Lesson On Cyclical Times (?)
11/Jun/2011
Lesson On Cyclical Times (?)
This is another rather strange one.
After exit (unusually: no portal, helping hands and even this time with vibes) I was in a kind of living room unknown to me. A lady in red dress introduces herself to me, but I forgot her name.
Somehow I think this is the future, despite the fact that there is nothing futuristic about the appartment I am in. This 'feel' is similar to my Oct 17th 2010 (time travel to the year 2194) lucidventure.
I ask her about the date. She says sth like 44-thousand. I am stunned despite my own intutition I had before that it was the far (!) future. I ask: What? Again several thousands is the answer. I grab a notebook or a piece of paper and try to note it down (don't ask me why, I was lucid and knew that I could not take it with me, maybe I wanted to use this as a memorisation practice?).
At one point, the notepad gets pretty small, only a square centimeter in size, of course I cannot use it. Then the lady gives me a paper with a kind of calculation. I see numbers like in an addition but cannot take it in. She often repeats the date and I ask again and again, repeating it to myself and trying to note it down. But it seems the numbers are different every time. Sometimes much smaller even.
She also tells me that in my point in time where I come from there will be soon a kind of asassination of a (political?) leader. She shows me a paper with a Spanish male name on it.
In-between, I look at my hands so as not to fade to soon out of this scene. (Good one! You've learnt your lessons, Volgerle :)).
Other people join the room. They wear funny clothes, but not what I would call futuristic. One guy with a bald head also speaks to me. I ask him again what time they are in and how it relates to 'mine'.
He and the others then tell me about cycles, which explains why they sometimes told me a smaller number and then the whole number of the different cyclical periods added up or combined, as it seems. Depends on how you look at it, they say.
I then ask the bald-headed guy if their (total) year-number is so high and mine so low, because I am from the „first cycle“ with the year 2011.
The guy says yes, and points at my head marking its shape and says that one can clearly see that I am 'from the first cycle' by my looks. This made me feel like being a kind of Neanderthaler. They did look like normal humans to me (but who knows how I looked to them?).
Then I faded and was back quickly the next second in bed, with little but still notable PREES. I looked at my alarm clock to check time, but see below.
Comments / Afterthoughts
After some thoughts about this, I think this was probably a lesson on what NOT to do in a projection? Trying to note down numbers (instead of talking to the people and investigate more).
Also, I forgot that there were many millenia and the most of human history before 'our' year 0. Maybe they just weren't calculating as year 0 according to the Western (Christian) calendar at all? But what was this about cycles then? Sounds like a re-run of the same timeframe. Or some age cycle (e.g. golden age)? Or alternative realities added up? :confused:
One more strange synchronicity is involved here that might also be related to lessons about time (period measurements):
That night, I went to bed looking at the alarm clock and it was 3:00 sharp, so I put 6:00 for wake up (for the start of my phasing session). But I woke up earlier at 5:00 sharp, then got back to sleep again, so after the alarm clock woke me up again (at 6:00) I tried the phasing, but fell asleep first, then got out with vibrations at some point, then had this lucidventure and when I was 'back' and looked again at the alarm clock I saw that it was 8:00 ... sharp.
Time ... :whatthe:
14/Jun/2011: Stuck With "Ludmilla's" Training Sessions
14/Jun/2011
Stuck With "Ludmilla's" Training Sessions
So this is from tonight and I am up-to-date again. It's also another update on that recurring and somehow never-ending story. But maybe the story line found an end now, because I might decide to put an end to it myself.
This night I had multiple vibrationless exits (4 to 5) which normally is a reason to celebrate for me, well, normally. "Ludmilla" was present (by my initial request) and I was grabbed and hauled out all the time. When I was 'falling back' I exited again, her hands were always present, not always pleasant though.
Anyway, all was taking place mostly in darkness (no vision) for me. For the first time IIRC, I was projecting into my current flat (not the portal), too. At least it "felt" that way sometimes. I also was mostly completely lucid.
At one time I saw "her", but only a blurry picture and her figure in 'red', while she was holding me with one hand. I don't know which room it was then (portal or current home). Mostly however, when I had no vision, we were holding each other in both hands, "facing" each other.
I asked her again to talk to me. No reaction (first). I said I wanted her to speak to me or tell me where we go. No reaction. Just holding hands.
Only in the last projection (it was dark again but I 'felt' that we were in front of the window of my appartment). She almost whispered in my ear. I could not understand it, just got some fragments about "a mouth". It could have been the same voice like on April 5th (see the "it's a girl" and "personal trainer" accounts). Just a bit tuned down and now from the left instead of the right.
The voice is nice and gentle, but on the other hand it has sth 'creepy' for me to it. Maybe because I do not understand what she tells me and she also creeps me out because it is so normally "human" sounding without any dream telepathy talk. I really "hear" her. This is so waaay different from any other interaction and anything else!
Anyway, again (as on April 5th) after her first words I could not make out a meaning and snapped back into bed and was awake completely. I had enough and got up as it was early morning already.
Comments / Afterthoughts
I need a break now from these 'exercises'. I will fend off any attempts to "help" me out. Because it seems not helpful. It does not get me anywhere.
Yesterday I also saw T. Campbell talking about this on a YT video. It was about judging actions of so-called guides/helpers (which he calls the wider consciouness system) by their degree of helpfulness. That makes sense to me. I am the judge and should decide: Is it helpful at all, or not? I now start to think it isn't. It is rather disturbing and confusing.
I have, however, no fear issue and "she" is not a 'neg' for me. Also I must say that I called her in by my affirmations again the night before ("meet Ludmilla, lucid, in the portal"). All of it kind of happened. So actually, I haven't even a reason to complain.
However, it seems we don't make any progress. What could be the progress of tonight? Well, maybe I had some more exits and I was lucid and the 'exercise' is supposed to develop vision for me on "her" level where she pulls me out. But this is just my assumption, and as she does not "talk" to me, I will probably never find out!
I'll take a time-out from projections now. Had enough, fed up.
Does anyone have any advice what to 'do' with her when I resume this again (if I do at all)? You see, she is not into talking to me. I thought maybe if we hold hands again I could ask her to squeeze my left hand for a "yes" and the right for a "no", so that I could ask her y/n questions. But that is just a loose idea now.
I'm confused and a bit clueless now. :?
18/Jun/2011: How Is Johnny Smith Doing?
18/Jun/2011
How Is Johnny Smith Doing?
After a while lying on my back in my phasing session (after 3 hours of sleep), I get into 'the state' and produce the 'inner smile' (the happy thrill of anticipation, or is it even that this inner smile produces the state? At least it helps a lot!). As to be expected, Ludmilla's hands help me out. No vibrations again.
I am in the neigbouring room of my portal, which used to be the bedroom of my parents when I was a small child. I was there on a mattress. It is dark and I get lifted. I see immediately but again I just 'feel' the hands that hold me. As usual, also no talk between us and I don't even try to speak to her.
We dive down through the 'astral' floor and it gets even darker. I say I would rather prefer to go up than down. Then I am suddenly in the same room again. But this time there is sunlight.
I remember "Ludmilla" somehow 'dropping' me. For a second I tried to 'see' her as I paid attention, looking up. But I saw nothing but the room I was dropped into again. Well, almost nothing. Actually, I saw 'some ... thing': A kind of blurry distortion of the air/visuals of that room.
Do you remember the Predator Movies? What I saw, was a shape (but mostly the hands!) like this combat invisible mode that these creatures used when hunting. You can still guess a shape when it moves by distortions of the visual surroundings. Well, thank goodness I am still pretty certain that the entity I call Ludmilla is NOT one of this species. ;)
Anyway, then I go out through a little window of that room (that also exists in physical life) leading down a short part of the slanted and tiled roof. After a short hesitation, I am lucid enough to know this is not the physical and start to lift off into the air.
I fly into the city. I have the idea to ask about a childhood friend I haven't seen for many many years. Let's call him John Smith here. This name already indicates by analogy that in reality his first and last name are also both very common. So you cannot in physical life easily look him up on a phone directory or 'google' info about him if you don't have any additional current information (place of residence, job, etc). Maybe this explains my interest to try with this (unusual) method.
I get into a gas station and ask the guy there in the shop. Btw, the service station is none which I remember from physical life of my hometown. The guy tells me he knows Johnny, but does not know about his whereabouts. He also then asks one of the truck drivers outside.
In the meantime I investigate, try to focus visually (on my hands and on another of the service staff) in order to stabilise myself.
I don't know what this kind of obsession is, but my investigatory impulse always makes me grab a paper and look at it. Also this time. So I get to the newsstand but grab a cartoon / comic strip book this time (I think it was a good ol' Mickey Mouse). I look at the cover, I realise the numbers but don't remember them now (it's hopeless, give it up, Volgerle :roll:!) except for the number 2010.
I then talk to another of the staff there and somehow do a thumbs up gesture (just for fun, maybe). Then I fade out pretty quickly with PREES and do my MEMO techniques.
Comments / Afterthoughts
Not a very spectacular and enlightening lucadventure, but maybe my expectations are too high. At least I had some exercise again. Every exit is a kind of exercise (with Ludmilla anyway!), so maybe that is the best way to look at it. Still, it's a shame that I forgot about my main target, 'the fields'. But hey, next time.
It is important again to note this kind of "state of looking forward" which is vital to my exit successes. It is a kind of 'inner smile', a sweet state of knowing, this certitude that something good and exciting is going to happen again now (and it seems that it almost replaced the vibrations now).
It makes me conclude that we should never underestimate the role that emotions play in this whole thing - not just regarding what we experience, but also if we experience anything (IOW: have success) at all.