A visit from my father

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1st January 2008, 03:59 AM
ButterflyWoman

A visit from my father

My father is a man who is very ego bound and extremely anger-driven, and any intuition he might have (and I do believe he has it) gets lost in his need to be "logical" and is frequently drowned in his fear and other ego-driven concerns. We've been estranged for many years now (haven't set eyes on him since December 1994, haven't spoken to him since sometime in 1996 or so). The reasons for the estrangement aren't important; suffice it to say that the family was dysfunctional and I had to get away for my mental health).

That being said, for some years now, my father has been visiting me in my dreams. My mother is developing dementia, and it's just himself and my mother, no other children, no grandchildren around, no real friends or support system. For the moment, my mother is more or less okay home alone during the day, but she's getting more and more loopy all the time (I know this partly from my own dreams and intuition, and have had it confirmed by my eldest daughter). I suspect that my father eventually came to regret some of the decisions he made that led to our estrangement, not because he especially cares that he hurt me, but because he's worked out that by driving me away he got rid of the one person he could have coerced to help him look after his mentally declining wife (yes, that's the way his mind works). To be fair, on some level, I think he DOES kind of maybe theoretically miss me for me, but he's always been a "fair weather father" who was happy to be around when I was in a good mood and not too needy, and the minute I became too much of a burden, he wanted nothing to do with me...

Anyway, he's been visiting me in my dreams off and on for some years now. I don't like it, and I wish he'd just go away, but I've never managed to become lucid in a dream where he is present (I need to work on that). This is not me dreaming "about" him. I have had dreams like that, as well, but the "visitation" dreams have a wholly different quality to them that I can't describe.

He recently visited me again, and while I was annoyed to see him (as I always am), he threw his arms around me and pinned my arms to my body and forced me to stay in one place so he could talk to me. I was very annoyed but decided to just wait it out and not fight or struggle. I did my best to ignore him, and I was only partly engaged in the conversation with him, as there were friends coming and going and I was talking to them in preference, waiting for him to give up and let go and go away, but at one point in the dream I did ask him, "Why do you do this? Do you even believe in astral projection? Do you do it regularly?" and he sort of mumbled a response which I took to mean that he doesn't know how he even does it (which I can accept; I've done it for years and I don't know how I do it, either).

In this dream, he never did let go of me. I had to wake up in order to end the clinch. It was not comfortable. It was not happy or pleasant. I just wanted him to go aways. Upon waking, I want to the same thing. I just want him to go away and leave me alone. He has to live with the consequences of his decisions, I have to live with the consequences of mine, and that's that.

Other than becoming lucid (which, with me, is always kind of hit or miss), I don't know what to do about this. I was sleeping with a protection talisman on, as I usually do, but I must have been astral for him to find me (my person and my room and my home and property are EXTREMELY well-warded; the only way to reach me is via the astral, I'm pretty sure). I'm wondering if I can set some sort of intention that will keep him away from me in all regards. There may still be lingering bonds there (it's VERY hard to cut ties with a parent because the connection is so deep and so significant and there are millions of ties), so I'll work on that. Perhaps he's following those lingering bonds to find me... Ugh. I hate it when he bugs me. Just go AWAY! I don't need you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't care about your pitiful life, any more that you cared about mine. Grrr. Perhaps I should accept the apology he appears to be offering... ? Not like literally contact him in any way, but in the astral?

Thoughts welcome. I'm quite flustered by this. It's NOT the way I wanted to start the New Year, although if it leads to freedom, I'm happy for it...
1st January 2008, 08:41 PM
CFTraveler

Re: A visit from my father

Well, what I want to say is not necessarily what you want to hear.
I get the feeling that this really unpleasant person who bugs you is his persona, while his true person (or ego, to coin a term) is actually missing you and that's why he has been able to go through your wards and contact you in the astral. About the only thing I can tell you is to go through a 'practice exchange', offer your forgiveness to his core person, and tell his persona you want nothing to do with it. But in a spirit of forgiveness, because I don't have to tell you that your anger and hurt toward him is what's giving him the ability to connect. Those cords run deep, as you said in the post.
If you can't lucid dream on demand (not that many of us can) you can run through this routine enough times until you feel you've connected, or it works to get you there to that line of communication, and once you've achieved this, then he will probably leave you alone.
I'm just guessing here, though.
1st January 2008, 11:49 PM
ButterflyWoman

Re: A visit from my father

Quote:

Originally Posted by CFTraveler

About the only thing I can tell you is to go through a 'practice exchange', offer your forgiveness to his core person, and tell his persona you want nothing to do with it.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CFTraveler

But in a spirit of forgiveness, because I don't have to tell you that your anger and hurt toward him is what's giving him the ability to connect. Those cords run deep, as you said in the post.

*nod* Actually, after this dream, I worked on that all day. Journal and everything. :)

Mind you, I still dreamed about my parents' HOUSE, but they weren't there at the time (the house represents something else and is a dream construct).

Quote:

Originally Posted by CFTraveler

If you can't lucid dream on demand (not that many of us can) you can run through this routine enough times until you feel you've connected, or it works to get you there to that line of communication, and once you've achieved this, then he will probably leave you alone.

Oh, I can reach him if I want to. I can reach just about anyone. Even people I don't know well. No, I don't know how I do it, but I seem to be able to. *shrug* (I don't do it much, as it's a bit of an invasion of privacy to my mind, and it's kind of energy draining for me). I can reach him and send him love and forgiveness. Since my work yesterday with the journal I've had a lot of realisations about him that make it easier for me to let go and forgive. It's just his ego that gets him in trouble (like anyone else).

Thanks. You unkowingly confirmed a few things for me. :)