Twin Flame Question

For quite a long time, I have had a person in my life who could best fit into the Twin Flame category. The road has not always been an easy one, but there has always been a mystical, warm and wonderful connection the likes of which I have never experienced before or since.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately since we burn white hot, we both went in different directions but always kept the connection. I know they say that Twin Flames often have tumultuous relationships which is true in our case. It is also said however, that twin flames always stay connected which is also true in our case.

Over the years, it has seemed like something in the universe has actively sought to keep us apart whenever we get together. It could be the TF dynamic, it could be that we are each scared of becoming too close and upsetting our lives, it could be us creating our own manifest reality, or it could be some kind of outside jealousy energy.

Recently, he has become progressively very very ill. It is extremely serious. His illness really is a result of his own choices but sadly, it is overcoming him at the moment. There is still hope, but it seems like right now it is an uphill battle.

Two nights ago we were together and he said something that was kind of hurtful. I said something to him and he came back with an accusation that I was somehow causing him to be ill by saying how badly I felt about his illness. Part of his illness also has to do with a very altered mental state so it is not like he is thinking straight by any means plus he is on a ton of meds, but in any case, it really bothered and hurt me a lot. I really have always loved him and was making every effort to tell him how much I cared. Although I didn't say it, I am also scared of possibly losing him.

Ironically, and I never told him, I have long suspected that there is an external force that continually drives a wedge between us. There are persons who, for a long time, have had a personal interest in making sure we never went beyond the relationship we have and I have suspected that perhaps someone is sending energy to keep us apart, but it certainly is not me, as he alleged. Maybe this is what he is feeling but is mistaking it. Maybe it is something else. Maybe it is this same energy that I have felt but he is interpreting it differently. Admittedly, I was very shocked at how gaunt he had become and maybe that is what he was feeling as we have a strong empathetic bond and ability. Also, I think it is worth noting that when I first got to his place, I felt like he was not all there, in the sense of his soul, but as the night progressed, he got stronger and stronger. In fact, it was so obvious that you could have charted it. He did not want me to leave and I stayed as long as I could. I had not seen him for over a year and now I wonder if we did not need each other energy wise.

I know this post cuts across the psychic defense and deliberate manifestation threads and I wasn't quite sure where to put it so I am sorry if I posted it in the incorrect section.

Any insights are appreciated.

I see it can go in many titles, Healing would have been the one I'd chosen, but I'll leave it up to you to decide where it should go.

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Originally Posted by CFTraveler

I see it can go in many titles, Healing would have been the one I'd chosen, but I'll leave it up to you to decide where it should go.

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Healing is fine. As I said, I wasn't sure where it should be since it has several aspects. Thanks.

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Originally Posted by Mari

Also, I think it is worth noting that when I first got to his place, I felt like he was not all there, in the sense of his soul, but as the night progressed, he got stronger and stronger. In fact, it was so obvious that you could have charted it. He did not want me to leave and I stayed as long as I could. I had not seen him for over a year and now I wonder if we did not need each other energy wise.

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Just as an update, he passed away a couple of weeks ago. It was interesting and sad to go back and reread this. I saw him a few more times before he passed and there was always this agitation and swirling energy surrounding him. Not sure what that was. It made me so uncomfortable I could not stay for a long time.

I thought about going many times to see if I could establish a connection and help him, but there was something stopping me. I am not sure what- whether self preservation or something that was taking him or who knows. Anyway, he is gone.

I wish there was a way to change this reality and I suppose some would say there is, but I am very far from being able to pull off anything like that.

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Originally Posted by Mari

Just as an update, he passed away a couple of weeks ago. It was interesting and sad to go back and reread this. I saw him a few more times before he passed and there was always this agitation and swirling energy surrounding him. Not sure what that was. It made me so uncomfortable I could not stay for a long time.

I thought about going many times to see if I could establish a connection and help him, but there was something stopping me. I am not sure what- whether self preservation or something that was taking him or who knows. Anyway, he is gone.

I wish there was a way to change this reality and I suppose some would say there is, but I am very far from being able to pull off anything like that.

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It has been a long time since I have been on this forum. I woke up tonight and for whatever reason came back.

It has been three years and four months since he passed. I still think about him every day. For a few years, I dreamed about him several times a week. They were vivid and real dreams. I would wake up feeling wonderful and happy like he had really been there. I still dream of him sometimes, but not as often.

Yesterday while I was driving home, I felt like he was there with me in my car. When we used to be together, I used to get this incredible energy from him. We didn't have to touch, just be near each other. It was warm and amazing and I could sense his breathing and his very life force. Last night in the car, I remembered that feeling. I miss him so much.

Since he passed, my life has been so empty. Sometimes, I just cannot fathom how someone so powerful, so full of life, so much a part of my very soul, could be gone. I sometimes feel like there is actually a way to turn back time and somehow get on a different trajectory and his death would never have happened. I have always been good at manifesting and sometimes i think just maybe there is a way. Well, if there is, I don't think anyone has accomplished it yet.

Sometimes I get angry because I really believe there was an external force that caused this. In a post before he died, I said he came out and said he was afraid my own fears were causing the possibility of his death. Did they? I don't know. I also posted that I was afraid to make a healing connection with him. i know he was calling out to me but I was afraid that if i connected, somehow i would attract or get attacked by what was attacking him. I had a sense of fear and i don't think i was wrong. In addition, during that same year of his illness, my own son became very seriously ill. I had to tend to my son which kept me from attending to the man I loved so dearly. I don't think this was a coincidence at all. So anyway, I am beyond furious at whatever that was and what/who I believe to be the source. Unfortunately, I have not been able to successfully defeat it. Even if I did, I cannot bring back the love of my life. I cannot rescue him from whatever underworld he exists in now. Once, I tried to actually contact him and I think something really evil came through so I am not going there again.

So, I thought I would just take some time and come back to the forum. A number of other things happened during the three years since his passing. My son is better so that's good. I still talk to my dear love all of the time when I am alone or in the car. Sometimes I get thoughts that seem to be responses back but who knows. Just unresolved grieving, I suppose.

It is still almost impossible to believe that two lives that were so perfect, so powerful, burned so white hot, could be separated maybe forever. It was not supposed to be this way. We used to both talk about how that after a few years and resolution of some different issues, we were finally going to live the rest of our lives together in a really good and wonderful way. So, when I am alone and talk to him out loud, I find myself repeating that this was NOT the way it was supposed to end. I just do not understand.

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Originally Posted by Mari

It has been a long time since I have been on this forum. I woke up tonight and for whatever reason came back.

. Did they? I don't know. I also posted that I was afraid to make a healing connection with him. i know he was calling out to me but I was afraid that if i connected, somehow i would attract or get attacked by what was attacking him. I had a sense of fear and i don't think i was wrong. In addition, during that same year of his illness, my own son became very seriously ill. I had to tend to my son which kept me from attending to the man I loved so dearly. I don't think this was a coincidence at all. So anyway, I am beyond furious at whatever that was and what/who I believe to be the source. Unfortunately, I have not been able to successfully defeat it. Even if I did, I cannot bring back the love of my life. I cannot rescue him from whatever underworld he exists in now. Once, I tried to actually contact him and I think something really evil came through so I am not going there again.

So, I thought I would just take some time and come back to the forum. A number of other things happened during the three years since his passing. My son is better so that's good. I still talk to my dear love all of the time when I am alone or in the car. Sometimes I get thoughts that seem to be responses back but who knows. Just unresolved grieving, I suppose.

It is still almost impossible to believe that two lives that were so perfect, so powerful, burned so white hot, could be separated maybe forever. It was not supposed to be this way. We used to both talk about how that after a few years and resolution of some different issues, we were finally going to live the rest of our lives together in a really good and wonderful way. So, when I am alone and talk to him out loud, I find myself repeating that this was NOT the way it was supposed to end. I just do not understand.

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what happens when you revisit the past and a very horrendous sight , smell or vision or a threat occurs is to let it play in slow motion , i.e analyze it first and then react to it later.
this is a very critical skill honed over many years of practice , because the normal human reflex is flight or fight.

Mari, You will probably never understand why or what. This wonderful universe with its energy I believe will never be fully understood while we are living physical lives. We can read books, practice, experience, try to find answers, but guesswork is all that we can come up with in your case.

Maybe this wasn't the way it was supposed to end,or maybe it wasn't the way YOU wanted it to end, but end it has for this lifetime and acceptance is key for you or it will eat you up.
Be at peace to Know you have experienced this relationship that so many people in the world are still searching for. This is something that you must reflect on with positive thoughts and how lucky you were.

A lady once told me whilst sitting peacefully in church with her husband who was dying of cancer.

" I was wondering why the priest didn't call the partners to come up to the front along with those who needed healing. I was just sitting on my own wondering when I heard a soft gentle voice inside my head say


" BUT HE WAS ONLY EVER ON LOAN TO YOU".

If only everyone who looses a loved one could hear that internal voice. Far more comforting and memorable than spoken words.

She found this very reassuring.
Be at peace with lovely memories Mari.

partners die all the time and mate over again and again.