gal psychically cording / draining me

[Seeuzin]

I was friends a while back with a really wonderful (if very troubled) gal. She was really special to me, was the first gal I'd ever kissed and the first friend I'd ever done back-and-forth energy work with. She had fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, and a host of other problems, and she would tell me often that her pain was bound to get worse and that when it did, noone would be able to handle it (this had apparently happened once before in her 20s, and she had lost many friends then.) I saw her good intentions and kind heart, and didn't believe her.

Fast forward about six months. Her pain has intensified and gotten the better of her, and her intentions and energy no longer seem so good. Whenever I've spent time around her a pain fills my heart that is so profound I can barely stand it; I feel nasty, ill-intentioned, depressed, and severely drained through our connection.

For the past month and a half I haven't spoken to her, but she has continued to drain me through cording in my ribcage area. It's so strange...she's changed entirely. At times I feel the cord in my ribcage physically hurt, and a massive amount of energy rushing out of me. The flow runs along my skin for a bit, then heads outward, and in the part where it's by my skin it literally feels like a torrent.

What I have tried so far:
- circle of protection nightly
- cutting the cord using visualization (have had only limited success with this, and it takes a big mental exertion)
- "following the cord" back to her, and attempting to negotiate with her psychically (the cord seemed to fall inactive, but not for long)
- frequent affirmations / mantras - "My energy and power is my own, and my own only." "I require [friends name] to leave me be." "I require [friend's name] to respect my boundaries."
- frequent reiki on the area with intent to stop the drain
- asking my guides to try to remove the cord

What makes defense difficult:
- I am an "easy mark" with a weakened spirit and, having done energy work on me, she knows this well.
- I had a crush on her; she knows this (was also why she gave me "kissing lessons" for my birthday; she knew I'd enjoy it. Course, the memory of that 2-hour lesson doesn't help any in the current situation.)
- she has more intuitive know-how and raw power than me by far; this woman has always been a force to be reckoned with with an incredible amount of natural ability.

For someone who tends to rely heavily on affirmations and tactile energy work, and not so much on visualization, what would you guys recommend? Aside from not talking to her which I plan to continue.

[ButterflyWoman]

Keep up with the cord cutting and construct a sheild with her name on it, specifically for her. And then, stop reconnecting with her! I know you're not necessarily doing it on purpose, but every time you think about her in certain ways (especially the kissing), you essentially plug yourself right back in. I know how difficult it is to stop reconnecting (believe me, I really do!), but you MUST break yourself of that habit. Cut, shield, and leave her be (I know you know this, but I'm just repeating for the sake of it ).

[Seeuzin]

Thank you CW, you know it's funny; that is...quite literally...EXACTLY what my guides told me to do, as far as the "don't think about her" thing. So besides the fact that it came from you, I also know it is good advice from that.

Last night I was trying not to think of her, and thought "it's like trying to not think of a pink birthday cake" so then I had the idea to turn my focus from her by forming in my imagination, in exquisite detail, a pink birthday cake ...and spent from then until I fell asleep visualizing it in excruciating detail, each bit of frosting, the way the diagonally-positioned light source fell on each one, and the texture of each bit of cake...depending on whether it was marzipam or frosting...=P

I amuse myself.

[ButterflyWoman]

that is...quite literally...EXACTLY what my guides told me to do

Last night I was trying not to think of her, and thought "it's like trying to not think of a pink birthday cake" so then I had the idea to turn my focus from her by forming in my imagination, in exquisite detail, a pink birthday cake ...and spent from then until I fell asleep visualizing it in excruciating detail, each bit of frosting, the way the diagonally-positioned light source fell on each one, and the texture of each bit of cake...depending on whether it was marzipam or frosting...

That's brilliant, though. My youngest child sometimes gets into "loops" of thinking and she can't get out of it, so we tell her "don't think of an elephant". That, of course, makes her think of an elephant, and she'll get distracted by saying things like, "You can't stop me!" or "I'm thinking of an elephant!" (to which we reply, "Well, stop it!") and so on. Works every time.

I amuse myself.

It amused me, too.

[Seeuzin]

Bringing Buddhism into it -

So, I have been repeating faithfully the mantra "It's birthday cake time" (LOL) every time my mind wanders to the area I was being drained at. I must be saying it inwardly at least 100X a day, but it works. I have also been temporarily forgoing mindfulness meditation - every time I try to be mindful of what is going on with me, Inner-Dissolving style, my focus wanders to there, much like a skinned knee or other physical wound would draw my attention. This two-fold approach been working wonderfully so far. And it's brought up some big questions.

I had previously thought mindfulness was an answer to any emotional tangle I encountered, if I did it skillfully. Now I come across a situation in which my level of skill simply does not match up. In these circumstances, can attempting mindfulness actually be *bad* for you? I mean I was applying Inner Dissolving to just about anything and everything, and it worked beautifully. Now I come across a situation where I must actively work against my habit of being mindful - constantly distracting myself with an inner image of a birthday cake - it goes against everything I've been practicing. I've even avoided going to the group meditations I was doing every Wednesday, because the thought of sitting in silence for 30 mins...I'm not sure that would be good right now.

I have read that from the Three Poisons (anger/hatred, attachment, and ignorance) spring 20 "derivative mental afflictions" - and that one of these is a technical term pertaining specifically to meditation, "Excitement." Excitement means the mind is agitated because it is drawn away compulsively to some object of attachment/desire. This seems to fit the bill and I breath a bit easier knowing that I am struggling with something that is documented in Buddhism, and not that this whole mindfulness idea has some sort of flaw in it. Still, I feel a lot of still-half-formed questions arising about mindfulness in general. The most well-formed is, "Are there in fact times when it is better not to practice it?" It is seeming so.

[ButterflyWoman]

Essentially, different situations call for different tools and different measures. There is no "one size fits all" technique for living. If the birthday cake is working, then keep with that (and keep up with the shielding and cord cutting as necessary). When you've kicked the psychic attachment - and that can take a while - you can go back to things that you did before, or go on to something new.

[Seeuzin]

That makes sense. I will keep pondering these questions and distracting myself as necessary. Thank you again, CW =)