Sinera's Lucidiary

[poème]

You are very welcome!
I link the female self with the astral elemental and the male self with the mental elemental. To me, this reunion means the unification of one's personality (lower self). Once the personality is unified, it may then join with the higher self. (Eventually perhaps...?) So, as I see it, these selves symbolise more than being in a male or in a female body. To be honest, in my dreams back then, I usually played the female's part, and did not dream of being a man more than once or twice at the time, and I'm pretty sure that this one time I'm thinking of was a karmic dream. That said, you could be expressing this differently, or it could have to do with something else...

[Korpo]

Reminds me of the Blues Brothers... The band. The band? The band!

Good luck!

[Sinera]

Reminds me of the Blues Brothers... The band. The band? The band! Good luck!

[outofbodydude]

So what's your take on the phenomena of projecting into different locations? I believe you have called them "portals." One too many times I have projected, only to find myself in one of my old houses, or in a seemingly unfamiliar place altogether. Sometimes my astral location is more accurate in terms of its likeness to the physical, though. So what do you make of this?

[Sinera]

So what's your take on the phenomena of projecting into different locations? I believe you have called them "portals." One too many times I have projected, only to find myself in one of my old houses, or in a seemingly unfamiliar place altogether. Sometimes my astral location is more accurate in terms of its likeness to the physical, though. So what do you make of this?

I think we can create (consciously and/or subconsciously) our own save and private "places" in the non-physical. It is an access point and also a starting point from where you do further explorations. You can create any place you like and then "jump" / phase into it. It might be similar to what Xanth from the Astralpulse calls "Mental Rundown" technique. So I do not think it is the "RTZ" (not even back in time) if you ask me.

As to my 'childhood bedroom portal' (also: Portal 1 / Home Portal): It is complicated, as many aspects seem to melt into it. It is best put in the resumé I did on March 15th after my "Agitated Mum" experience.

'private' astral 'locations' can have a quite sophisticated structure: On the inside: dream access of other members who are sharing the same or parts of the same location (mother), entanglement with the physical place (mother/childhood bed location) as well as emotional entaglement (worries of mother); On the outside: the portals to leave (to the astral 'city') and re-enter (which I indeed did in another adventure!)

First, I did my exits there just subconsciously. Later I also tried to re-inforce it by visualising the place e.g. during meditations or affirmations for getting out-of-body. So I kind of 'solidified' it.

I am also there in dreams (steered by "subbie") a lot. I am convinced it is "the same place", the self-created portal in the Astral. Sometimes then (in dream-state) there are "people" that try to "wake me up" to get lucid in that portal. It does not always work as it is a constant fight against my "subbie", as this experience called "The Light Switch" has proved to me. Nevertheless, I still consider it "private" as these people or helpers that helped me out there during lucid experiences seem to be either trusted 'intimates', friends or even my"self" (aspects).

[Sinera]

02/Dec/2011
Sleep Paralysis & Heart Chakra Visualisation

This was my second night when I took Galantamine/Choline before sleep. It has definitely an effect. You get lucid at least one time per night it seems. I tried it 2 times now, so I have - by now - a 100% success rate. However, the experience is different for me. I have an even greater problem with control then. I learnt that being lucid does by far not yet mean that you are 100% in control of the situation(s) arising.

My first night's attempt (about 3-4 days ago) was what I would call a 'rollercoaster ride'. There was a rapid succession of several scenes I phased into for about what felt a minute because I never could hold on to them for too long. And one time, after I decided it was enough, I even wanted to get back to body ("wake up") by counting down from 3 - but it did not work, so I was 'trapped' in the non-physical (not that I bothered too much, though, I never felt fear).
So there were many different scenes then, and also in-between the hands again drawing me upwards through the velvety dark (so many projectors talk about) as I asked a guide to be taken to higher levels.
One such 'high' level (literally!) was a nice one with me sitting at daylight in almost meditation style on a huge, white tree with wide branches, high above the ground, in a reality that consisted of a wide forest of kind of jungle. The branches were interconnected with other trees, thereby forming lanes. The whole thing might remind one of the Tree cities of some species in Hollywood fantasy or sciene-fiction movies, such as Star Wars' Ewoks or the blue people in Avatar. Along the trees' trunks and brunches was an intricate system of water irrigation, little water streamlets flowing down from the trees and along the branches, too. Sometimes the water was collected in little puddles on the branches' little dents. I remember I put my hand in one of the little puddles nearby and kind of baptized me with the water in a kind of ritual. Don't ask me why I did that. I was lucid the whole time, but my subbie was probably doing it. Maybe it was because it all (including myself) felt so 'holy' there.

The second night: Again, it was another "different" experience. For the first time I experienced sleep paralysis consciously while getting lucid (not "awake" necessarily). I now understand why SP is a "creepy" thing (as double entendre) for many people experiencing it, especially if it's involuntarily. It really 'crept' over me. Like a different entity taking possession of me, it started from the trunk and then went to the extremities' distal parts. No seriously, I really felt it 'creeping'. Then there was split-body effects again: the paralysis of the physical body while lying in bed, and also partially ability to 'move' what I assume was one of my energy bodies. Sometimes I even felt my limbs in this partially paralysed state, like those injections you get at the dentist and then it slowly wakes up again. As said, I was lying there and could not exit. Unlike many others who suffer from SP, however, I did not at any point see my physical bedroom. Rather, I was either phased into a scene playing out dream-like before me or had some 'hypnagogics'. Actually one time I overcame the paralysis and 'phased' into the night sky of a city and flew over it. But it took only a little while and I was 'back in bed' feeling paralysed again.

Then I did one surprising thing (to myself!) which brought about the following experience. I was not really scared, it seems I am beyond fear now. Nevertheless, I felt of course 'not comfortable' in this situation and I did not want to feel like a potential victim, so maybe I did this as a kind of precautionary defence (or as a kind of 'whistling-in-the-dark') measure: I started SINGING.

It was a harmless self made-up tune, sung with my "inner" voice, not with my physical mouth or vocal chords (of this I am sure). And I just sang it in "La-La-la". Sometimes I added instruments to it. Sometimes I just sang again. I remembed the tune after waking up, but did not later. But I can say that it wasn't exactly quite like a masterpiece after all, so never mind .

Exactly from the moment I started singing, something 'opened' in my visual field. And it looked like a galaxy of green pixels with its core in the middle dark and bright and thinning out and darkening to the edges. It might also have had a spin. IIRC it was from left to right - clockwise. Everything was green and at the core almost glowing in a shiny intense white, but still green-ish.

It lasted as long as I was singing. Maybe I got bored and was a bit fed up with being paralised and not being able to really get started with an exit and lucidventure. So I aborted it by saying to myself 'this is stupid' which indeed woke me up as I could then also roll my physical body again on the back and opened my physical eyes.

I took one of the many pics on the internet of rotating galaxies and edited it a bit on a graphics program. This one I came up with as the closest thing resembling what I saw all the time (and could have seen longer if I had wanted to). Just imagine it rotating clockwise and partially at times being a bit more pixellated.



Comments / Afterthoughts

Not when I had this experience, but soon after I 'woke up' I felt reminded of the Heart Chakra pictures. This is, of course, only an assumption.



If it was, what was its cause? My self-protection purpose? The singing? The syllable "la"?

Maybe the Heart chakra relates most to music and the arts and that's why it 'came on'?

Maybe it is even more specific. I found on the internet that the chakras can be related to the 7 main notes on the musical (Western!) scale: CDEFGAB.

http://www.soundessence.net/chakras.php#Heart

The fourth (middle) sound is F and it relates to the fourth (middle) chakra. So maybe, just maybe, it is because I probably (without knowing, of course, since I have no musical ear) sang it in the key 'F'. Had I sung it in key 'E' I would have seen a yellow galaxy spinning round in my eyes?


I also tried to find about about any kind of "la"-Mantra, but so far did not find to much information.
http://www.samaelgnosis.us/practice/...ces/la_ra.html
http://dream-yoga.org/dream-yoga-tec...e-mantra-la-ra

If s.o. here reads this who knows more if not a lot about chakras and seeing them as spinning wheels or galaxies in the non-physical and what it all could mean, I'd be grateful for any comments.

@Korpo: I know that Kurt knows a lot about the chakras and is also into music & spirituality as one of his books shows me. I do not have it but it seems from the contents that he also makes connections to the chakras ("expression"??). Your interesting comments in the Tool thread prove to me that you surlely have read it. I remember you told us you were in contact with him and could you ask him about it? I don't think he is still on this board. I would appreciate his knowledge as to my experience here. Of course, I am also looking forward with anticipation to your own take on it.

[Sinera]

16/Dec/2011
Card Validation Test 1: Missed But Close!

This was/is an ongoing side project which was actually intended as a dream (programming) project. Anyway, it got mixed up with lucidventures, too. Some months ago, I had placed a card from a common skat deck face up on the high top of a wardrobe in my room. I intended to 'dream up' the face of the card. In 2009, I also had tried to do card validations by projections but it mostly failed due to fluctuating cards.

Now, a little later after resuming the tests and placing a card, on 22 September of this year, I had a dream where I was playing cards with a friend of mine and the card being played out was as I remember it a King Of Spades. I already had the "intuition" before this dream that the card 'must be' a kind of person card (Queen, Jack or King). I did not yet make the check because I wanted to have more data accumulating.

On another projection a few days ago, I remembered the wardrobe and went to it. Before that I saw a Mickey Mouse figure (pretty large one!) in my room - but I have none in my physical room. I saw a lot of stuff on the wardrobe during this projection but did not detect a card.

Tonight, I was a bit more lucid in my dream, although only partially (probably with what I call Purpose-Focussed Lucidity = though in dream state, the subconscious can have a partial awareness of the waking consciousness' goals and acts according to them), when I was in my room and so I flew to the wardrobe again (flying shows to me that it was not a false awakening). I saw a card but not on the place where it should be lying, it rather was standing upright being leant against the wall: It was the King Of Spades again.

After getting up, I knew I had this a second time now and so I finally checked in the physical: I missed it, it was the Jack Of Spades.

Comments / Afterthoughts

It's a near-miss shot if you ask me. I can, of course, not call this a success in validation. Still, the King Of Spades for the Jack Of Spades intrigues me. They have the same colour (Spades) and both feature a male person. They are to each other indeed the nearest possible cards in likeness. Compare:


Maybe the leaning to the wall "next to" the place where the actual card should have been lying was an indication of its "(only) immediate nearness"? I admit this is mere conjecture.

(Even more conjecture now: Micky Mouse's head with the black round oversized ears might resemble the Spades of a card when turned around, too? However, I also have other interpretations for Mickey as he comes up in a lot of dreams and projections for me. Dreammoods gives me this: "To see Mickey Mouse in your dream signifies the magic and joy of childhood. It is time to go back to a period where you can be more carefree." As my momentary situation is not really careFREE, it almost makes sense.)

Anyway, I will keep up with the card tests, doing them once in a while, as this seems promising to me.

[Beekeeper]

Maybe the jack grew older since September? You did well in my opinion.

[Sinera]

20/Dec/2011
The Exit Blindness Healing Hand / Left Temple Vision Activation

Just a short one concentrating on one element I (might have) learnt, as most of yesterday's lucidventure was too inconclusive for me. I got out with helper's hands holding me on each side, this time I felt not only one hand but being grabbed at my arms with two hands on each side. So there were at least 2 helpers. I had exit blindness which I have often. I tried a lot with affirmations, but nothing worked.

Then a hand (by a third helper?) was pressed slightly what felt like with 2-3 fingers against my left temple (front side). Then, finally, there was a light spot in the middle and it expanded to the edges, so my vision came on. I saw the lighted room of what is my 'Portal 1'. Then flew (still with helpers holding me) out of the window for other experiences.

Comments / Afterthoughts

I need to check on future 'blind exits' if this is a technique I was 'taught' this way and if it then indeed works for me if I put 'my own (astral) hand' on my (left) front side.

Question: Does the left temple have any special mystic / energetic / chakra function? Is it possible to activate astral sight / the pineal gland by working on it?

[Sinera]

17+18/Jan/2012 - Heal One. Heal The World.

17/Jan/2012
Green Eyes And Six Fingers

A longer lucidventure actually, of which I've only taken out the essential aspects. But most of it I was flying around trying things that did not work, as usual.

At one moment, I was in a bathroom and looked into the mirror, since I was searching a mirror before as this is my past life viewing method (so far not pretty successful though). I saw a younger image of myself with green light shining out of the eyes. There was also the same green light shining in a form of a circle with some concentric rings from the middle of my breast. The concentric rings might also have represented the Q-Link pendant (or another one in donut form of which I possess quite a few now).

I also met (outside in the garden) the bald-headed guy again whom I knew from another lucidventure which had to do with people from a more 'evolved cycle'. While talking to him and trying to decipher a name badge on his shirt, which was difficult as letters were getting jumbled all the time, but what I saw was definitely the letters: E,K,L and B. I shuffled them all the time and then came up with "Elke" which is a German female first name and said to him (as he was recognisably a male) 'I'm sorry, I will stop joking around with that name badge now.' Then I looked at my hands, which I use as a deepening method sometimes (see my posts on the discovery), and saw six fingers. I counted, re-counted and re-re-counted. There was none of the usual fluctuation. It remained six on each hand every time!

18/Jan/2012
Healer In Oxford

On this night, I had several exits with slight vibrations each time. Some were also false awakenings. Often I had exit blindness.

Once I was in the portal but not sure if I am in the physical and so went instead inside to check. Then I became sure and went out of another window then taking with me a shining red tulip. I was flying over the city and trying to find a beautiful woman to give the tulip to. I saw a pedestrian zone but I might not have found a girl and found myself instead in the astral bed again with another round of vibrations and exit into blindness.

Blind, I tried several commands where to get to (e.g. Higher Self, library, past life) but nothing worked. Then it occurred to me to say "healing". Suddenly I was in my old students' hall room in Oxford / England. I passed a term abroad there in the mid-90ies. A fellow student enters the room and asks me if I can give him a massage as he has pain at the back (upper neck area). I immediately say 'of course' (forgetting about this being a projection, it was more of a false awakening or dream state again). I give him a massage of his back saying that I am not really a pro massager and I try to do my best. He says it's okay the way I'm doing it and thanks me. After normal massage, I do some final karate chops on his back and then wake up (in physical bed) with the "motto" that came to me just out of nowhere: "Heal One. Heal The World".

Comments / Afterthoughts

First I interpreted the green eyes and rings on the breast as an advice to activate my Heart Chakra for overcoming exit blindness. While this might still be a valuable method to try there might be more to it: Healing. Also I suspect that my vision of the Heart Chakra several weeks ago might have to do with developing healing capacity. So now I saw it in the Astral on myself again, but a smaller version. The Q-Link form or association might mean two things: It can also mean healing (as it is for health protection mainly) but also for frequency and vibration (adjustment?). Maybe it is both.

The baldy guy might be an aspect or future self of mine (he resembles me a bit, I also have 'short' haircut). Maybe he is showing me the evolutionary path I can take again since I had (in his presence) six fingers instead of five. A similar notion was given to me by his comment (see link) as to my lesser evolved status for the time being (belonging to the "first cycle").

By the way, the then "soon-to-be killed male country leader" announced to me back then in June 2011 could have been Col. Gaddafi, who was indeed more or less 'executed' by that wild rebel group in October 2011. However, his name is not really Spanish. The name given to me on the paper was something with M at the beginning of the word, also with the darker vowels (a,o,u,) dominant, sth like Maria, Mario or Martinez, and it was probably a first name. Hence Gaddafi whose long name is "Muammar Muhammad Abu Minyar Gaddafi" (which of course I did not know then and only looked up now) might be at least a little close to it? The head I saw in a short flash then (not mentioned in the post) was also a dark-haired male person with a wider face. Anyway, nothing proven, it all remains inconclusive.

As regards the scene about the search for the lady of my "heart", I like the tulip interpretation from Dream Moods: "To see tulips in your dream indicate fresh new beginnings. You are loving life! Tulips are also symbolic of faith, charity, hope, perfection, idealistic love and fertility. Consider the pun "two lips". Perhaps it is hinting to a kiss?"


The Oxford episode is sth very special again. For many many years now, maybe 10 or more, I have a recurring dream motif that is always similar: I am in Oxford again, not back in time as student again, but later as a tourist. Anyway, I always logde again in my old room in that student hall. Often I do sightseeing then and watch the places again I remembered from before. However, I always try to get to the city center but somehow never manage to and "must" stay on the outskirts (where the hall is also located). It really is a recurring theme. One time (last October according to my journal) I also had a healing dream there but I was the patient then when a doctor came to heal me because a bug in my bed had stung me in the hand. But I had many similar dreams in variation of the same Oxford return motif.

My interpretation is that the motif might stand for a craving to 'get somewhere I had already been to'. I manage to get to or near it but not entirely to the core (here: city centre). I interpreted it myself to be an expression of the craving to "go home" to the spirit world, but I cannot be sure about this. So it's been now used in the context of healing, and like the 'green' dream above it seems to give me some nudges in the direction of becoming a(n astral?) healer, with the learning aspect also underlined by the university / student dorm motif?

I suppose the scene was just a 'simulation' created for me by my HS or any helpers. It might be a help for me (taking C. Tart's notion of 'state-specific memory' into account) to more often recall this set 'task' and try it out in the astral (regarding healing of others and self-healing). A problem for me with lucidity is that despite being partially lucid I often have to struggle remembering my primary goals, which are only a few - and still I forget them. But I am working on it (also in the physical by affirmation and visualisation) to 'burn' it into my 'astral' or 'mental' memory, too. It seems to work. Slowly, but it works.

Last not least, the 'motto' that came to me immediately after waking up, is probably a variant of that "save the cheerleader, save the world" slogan featured in the fantasy show "Heroes", which I watched a few times but actually never really liked. However, all the more I like my slogan and I might even make it the catch phrase of my (future) healing practice, should I ever have one:

HEAL ONE. HEAL THE WORLD.