Healing Aspect of Self

[Zecora]

I'm having difficulty healing one particular aspect of myself.

This one is related to a NDE at the hands of a family member from when I was an infant. My first NDE.

I've tried therapy, sending love, hugging, talking, but my guides said I still need to work on it. So this is related to abandonment, abuse and near-death. According to the abuser, she said she "found" me dead, but when she was gloating about the abuse(she's what you may call a psychopath with sadistic tendencies), I was blocked from hearing the gory details, and two other aspects of myself took over, well really one took over, then split the memory off into another aspect of self that deals with abandonment and death issues. (I'm efficient that way. ) Any tips?

[CFTraveler]

Are you trying to integrate this aspect?

[Zecora]

From what I understand the term "integration" can be a highly loaded word and subject to heated discussion. I'm not sure where you are coming from, so I will tread carefully.

Integration is just or can be one of those side-effects of healing if you will.

The term "integration" also has several meanings tied to it, and depending on which theory one abides to or follows, as I've seen/heard of several. I don't like to make assumptions, so I'm not making any one what you may be trying to say, as that can mean many things pending background/experience.

Irregardless, of which philosophy/healing methodology one may hold to, I don't see the harm in healing aspects of one's self. So I'm not looking for a philosophical debate, but I am open to it, if that is what you desire. But I'm not good at debate so you are forewarned.

[CFTraveler]

I'm not postulating anything- I'm just trying to figure out what exactly is that you're trying to achieve- you speak of having blocked off certain experience and wanting to heal it, so I'm asking if you are trying to integrate that aspect in order to experience the abuse firsthand and then try to process it consciously, or what. In other words, I'm information gathering, I prefer to know what the question is before I try to find out if I know the answer (or an answer).

[ButterflyWoman]

This part of self sounds like it's "walled off". I had a LOT of that. The only way to heal it, as far as my many year of experience shows, is to break down the wall and allow the stuff that's walled off to flow into the whole. It can be painful, but it's like opening up a closed over wound that's full of infection. Re-opening the wound seems counterintuitive, but once it's open and cleaned and drained, it will start to heal.

[IA56]

From what I understand the term "integration" can be a highly loaded word and subject to heated discussion. I'm not sure where you are coming from, so I will tread carefully.

Integration is just or can be one of those side-effects of healing if you will.

The term "integration" also has several meanings tied to it, and depending on which theory one abides to or follows, as I've seen/heard of several. I don't like to make assumptions, so I'm not making any one what you may be trying to say, as that can mean many things pending background/experience.

Irregardless, of which philosophy/healing methodology one may hold to, I don't see the harm in healing aspects of one's self. So I'm not looking for a philosophical debate, but I am open to it, if that is what you desire. But I'm not good at debate so you are forewarned.

I am not sure if I have understood you right...but if you are talking from a space/place in you what is injured in infant age, I have this kind of place what I am healing or working with to heal, and I can clarely see that if I go to this injured place I can´t express it at all, I start to cry and I feel weak, but I if I stand in a place where I am strong than I can stand and understand but still not can express but I feel strong, so I am now standing in this strong place and preparing me to come closer this injured place...and I am starting to understand that I might not have to go to this injured place because it is nothing there but destroyed space, so ...I am starting to accept ...that the destroyed space is destroyed but I can live with it ....but I will come back when I know more if this is to any help to you??

[Zecora]

This part of self sounds like it's "walled off".

Actually, when I meditated on it, that's how I viewed it.

The only way to heal it, as far as my many year of experience shows, is to break down the wall and allow the stuff that's walled off to flow into the whole.

Thank you, when I ponder these words, I still feel like an internal resistance, a touch of fear of what lies beneath. I do have some work books on PTSD, which have been helpful, I think I'll have to dust them off and revisit them.

It can be painful, but it's like opening up a closed over wound that's full of infection. Re-opening the wound seems counterintuitive, but once it's open and cleaned and drained, it will start to heal

I whole heartedly agree. Thank you. I think it really helps to see it in writing.

if you are talking from a space/place in you what is injured in infant age,

Yes that would be it. From what I found from other trauma work, is that even though I thought something was in the past, I just merely suppressed the pain rather than truly heal it. And even though it's in the past, it's still effecting my present in current actions and behavior.

For example, I was in a traumatic car accident(another NDE), for decades I was afraid of driving/cars. As an adult, I found out that I had unresolved PTSD from when I was 2years old. Upon healing the trauma, I lost my fear of driving.

I if I stand in a place where I am strong than I can stand and understand but still not can express but I feel strong, so I am now standing in this strong place and preparing me to come closer this injured place

I understand that, I can see how that is so healing.

I am starting to understand that I might not have to go to this injured place because it is nothing there but destroyed space, so ...I am starting to accept ...that the destroyed space is destroyed but I can live with it ....but I will come back when I know more if this is to any help to you??

Wow, that is powerful. Thank you!

Thank you all! I really feel I got it. Thank you so much!

[IA56]

It was so fantastic when I noticed the difference between...the destroyed part/place how it make´s me weak and "dead"..and the strong place ...and that I am able to choose....I think nothing come´s out if I always be in the destroyed place but weakness and powerlessness....so I choose to stand in the strong spot and morne as long as I have to and then go forward, I never might get to know how it would have bean if it was not destroyed, but still I am okay...and I have many strong spots in me still