Learning to become self-aware

[newfreedom]

After 3 weeks in 'shutdown' yesterday after waking i was able to spend some time 'thinking' with myself

This had quite a dramatic effect & my internal state changed quite quickly & i was soon in enthusiasm, appreciation, able to engage, able to think, able to respond & able to feel 'joy'.

In my latest 'shutdown' phase, i would feel emotionally 'horriffic' on waking, (physically not feeling good with this) and when this had passed after approx. half an hr. i would be in an 'unawareness' which could best be described as 'nothingness' or 'blankness' . If i attempted any kind of self engagement, it would not last much longer than about 10 mins. before it would become too emotionally uncomfortable for me to continue.

Yesterday i received 2 energy sessions that i was aware of, late afternoon & evening - stomach area, then stomach area & heart chakra

On waking this morning, after several mins. i could feel my familiar 'early morning subtle energy feel' which felt real good & made it so much easier to get up & take the dogs for their early morning walk.

As i was walking through our usual quarry / wooded area dog walk it felt like a different reality, like new territory (although i did recognise this new territory space, as i have experienced it multiple times)


i was able to ponder on my walk -

• 'was my experience better because i could focus on pondering / thinking instead of my usual only available focus being on body sensations ?'
• then i realised i was 'in' subtle energy that was allowing it emotionally to feel 'ok'. (instead of being in continual resistance. or uncomfortable feelings)
• then i was able to feel the presence of subtle energy in my physical body, so physically i was actually feeling better - it was a physical body feeling of betterness

I have realised at other times, that being in this 'better space' is dependant on subtle energy & / or emotionally feeling good.

Years back i seemed to have more control over reaching this 'better space' if i made an effort to do so, these latest years it seems, i often fail in my efforts.


Visions behind closed eyelids - i often sense / see movement at first that then takes on a pictorial form

• a children's park roundabout spinning anti-clockwise - the round & round loops of existence
• the swishing movement of someone wiping a table with a dishcloth - representing cleaning or erasing
• approx. 10/06 - the movement of pushing a button, the button was kinda mushroom shaped <-- 14/06. i just saw the same kind of button being pushed on the T.V. programme - programme is the news & they were reviewing the New Jurrasic Park film <-- a set of films close to my Heart - my son was a big Dinosaur fan & we still have all his Dinosaur books (waiting to get un-packed, out of the Garage & 'back in the house'
• approx. 10/06 - had another movement vision (need to locatenotes to be able to write it up here)