I am standing in front of a mirror, looking at my reflection.
I have a strange heavy feeling in my right arm.
I am aware that this feeling is a manifestation of something, some (negative) aspect or energy i have carried around for a long time. A part of myself i have had enough of. Behaviour patterns that i no longer care to have to deal with.
I want this energy to leave me. I no longer wish to be influenced by it...

I start to try to push it outwards.
I give it commands, like "Be gone! I have no need for you!"

The heaviness in my arm only gets worse.

I try to push harder. I try to look deep into my own eyes, to see into my own core, and thrust the commands with all my willpower deep, deep inside, where this energy is buried... deep below the surface, beneath years of experience, years of acceptance that "this is just the way i am."

As i push with fierce determination, the mirror cracks. I can see two reflections of my face looking back at me. One of them is at an angle, so i'm looking at my face from the side.
My focus is split. I cannot force my will into two sets of eyes at the same time!

I relent, almost giving in.
My reflection disappears!
There is nothing to be seen in the mirror.
My arm is even heavier now. I cannot feel my hand at all. It is totally dead.
A dread creeps over me. If i don't find a way to win this battle, i will die.

Standing alone in front of an empty mirror, i accept the truth of this.
I surrender to the knowing of it.

The mirror is once again whole, and my reflection again looks back at me.
I know i cannot win this battle by force.
I must choose another course of action.
If not with violent action, then perhaps with love?

I begin talking to my refection, not commanding, not with force.
Gently i say "I love you!"
Again, "I love you!"
"I love you!"

A wrench from deep within. A struggle is taking place somewhere inside me.
"I love you!" and a smile, to myself. Eyes locked with my own.
The mirror cracks again. Again i see two reflections.
In front of me, i see my face, but it is distorted. Ugly. Demonic.
I look more deeply, and see there are two layers, two faces occupying the same space, looking back at me.
One is my normal face, the other a hideous version of my own.
They are one and the same, but somehow separate.

"I love you!"
A snarl from the twisted vision.
"I love you!"
Another snarl, and another crack of the mirror.
In front of me, my own face looks back at me, normal looking Neil.
In the cracked section, to the right, the beastly face looks out at me with loathing.
I look into my own eyes and smile, "I love you!"
The heaviness in my arm has gone, and i feel vitality return to my being.
I look into the eyes of the demon.
"I love you!"
Another crack, the face changes once again, more hideous than before.
"I love you!"
"I love you!"
"I LOVE YOU!"
It looks back at me, and it's face seems to relax, as if it is resigned to it's fate now.
I look once again into my own eyes.
"I love you!"

The mirror is whole. The demon is gone. I feel refreshed.

I wake in a sweat.