Originally Posted by
DerFürst
It's funny the way I'm seeing life these days. I've see now that I'm not merely the character I portray but indeed the actor. My body, mind, and emotions no longer appear as an indistinguishable, incongruent whole, but rather as individual aspects competing for dominance in an odd internal struggle. Because these parts are now more defined, it's been far easier to determine the source of conflict inside the whole, correcting the pieces I perceive as needing adjustment.
It's extremely strange. I used to merely perceive myself as inside my body looking outside into the world, but it's as if there's only a little difference now. It feels like there is no true "outside" myself, only projections of the inside into an image appearing to exist on the outside. If reality is truly held within everyone, rather than existing without, then truly the power to shape that reality is carried within everyone. I suppose then that we're in a sort of cosmic pre-school stage learning self control so that we don't accidentally annihilate ourselves and everything around us. The people who don't use power responsibly destroy themselves, the ones that use it selfishly, yet sustainably, damn themselves, and the ones that use it responsibly and sustainably elevate themselves. That's how I've come to view things at least.
My thoughts have the tendency to outgrow my ability to perform actions based off of them. This has resulted in me chasing after answers all of my relatively short life of 17 years. However, now, I believe I've found the answer. As it stands now, I can only, with reasonable certainty, label myself as a spiritual seeker. This is not enough for me. My strongest desire is to become a mystic. I understand that this entails far more work with little visible results than most people are willing to put up with, but I've felt that it's my true calling. The characteristics of my true being have shown time and time again to line up almost perfectly with this archetype. I've had far too much validation on this path to consider turning back now. However, it seems to me that simply saying "I'm a mystic" is lying to my ego, rather than affirming anything that causes useful change.
I have successfully deprogrammed many thoughts and habits that could potentially lead me astray. I can say with certainty that many of the distractions I used to enjoy seem trite, boring, and pointless. Despite this, I cannot say I've successfully reprogrammed myself, as there is still a degree of conflict. Now, instead of desiring to do one thing or the other, I feel void, as if nothing is satisfying.
So here is my real question. Validation used to be my primary method of programming thoughts, though that will only take me so far. How can I truly reprogram myself to act in a different away, enjoy different things, and require less validation to continue on with practices? Affirmations and perseverance will continue to serve me, but what I want to change has proven too stubborn for those things alone. What are good ways of truly profoundly changing deep, long held beliefs? Does anyone have a practical method of inducing hypersuggestibility?
As a note, I talk a lot about myself whenever I write on this forum. I realize I may seem rude and very "me this and I that," but please understand that I have few people to talk to (with a capability to respond that is.) A lot of what I write here is a form of release, as well as serious discourse.
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