-accomplishing my goals today. i've done good work. i should feel happy,and i did,i felt a strong sense of calm,ease,and patience but then shortly after just having movement brought up more things and made me sad.i know this is natural. the last two beliefs i've been clearing are thick ones and it's like when i first moved to my own apartment,and i had a ton of stuff to go through from years and years ago and it took months to do,and it brought up all this old stuff that i'd end up having very bad panic attacks and extreme mood swings and anger. in the last two years,in finally looking at things differently,it just means it's time to let some things unravel and heal and it's a lot of confusion.
-the bed
-seeing the matting come right off shortly after getting the rake brush and starting to work on cat's fur. it made me happy.i set the intention i'd get it off and so easily it started to,though there's more to do still,i can tell it's loosening.
-the sun and how healing it is
-fans
-the cool information i learned about cats last night
-carrot juice and how healing it is
-water
-going for a wonderful walk in my favorite park and how delightful it was
-how good it feels to be alone at times
-flowers
-beauty
-my eyes and the ability to see
-rompers
-my energy changing
-being able to explore my creativity and do cool things
-things seeming easier now and not so hard or out of reach. it's like new knots i'd been wanting to unravel finally starting to
-having faith that all that i'm going through is going to bring me to a better place,because right now it just hurts like hell. ever since the fourth limiting block i've had,i've had so much sadness on and off,and frustration. the 3rd block started with the feelings of frustration and the fourth was very intense. i noticed in my meditation yesterday that the 3rd seems to very throat chakra focused and this last one is very heart chakra. it's like the first two things were the tip of the iceberg,the out layer easier things and these last two are really cutting into things to change me in a way that will be very noticeable.i feel so very lost,more then i ever have with these changes i have to make and am making but i'm telling myself to be easy on myself and make little steps and it's ok to make mistakes too vs trying to make huge all at once changes that won't last and won't be real. you have to get lost to find yourself sometimes. i thought when i started this,i'd just feel amazing and all would be great,and amazing things would fall into place,but instead i felt amazing but nothing too much changed on the outside,just small little flickers of things and then i did more work,and feel worse,i guess pruning away deep because the things i desire perhaps cannot come in the best way without me really changing on the inside,and if it did come it'd just end up not being so great because i'd have the same issues,because you can't run away from yourself..not matter what you desire or where you want to go,you still bring yourself with.i feel scared of how soft i'm becoming,how vulnerable it is.
-getting some mango vegan frozen yogurt with sprinkles today from a shop i'd never been to by the park
-my best friend and how giving he is
-business partner being so ontop of it and starting all these new things
-awareness and noticing all these symptoms of my energy shifting from itchy scalp,weird mood swings,weird food cravings,more intense dreams and so on. I must say,i see even more now why to take this process very slow. my altering it to do a little more has given me more to take on and is why doing these processes will not be a regular thing for me,but an occasional thing to clear as if someone were going on a healing retreat.i think i will be stopping after the full process of the fourth belief is done. Then,in six months or a year or whenever i feel i need a spiritual cleansing,come back. I cannot even imagine how great my fall will be as this new me.
-how great my skin is looking
-weight going down from how big i got in late june from this healing work that made me eat more then crave bad foods
-vegan food
-all the fun things there are to do and explore
-my meditation i did last night
-being comfortable going shopping again last night
-openness
-seeing things work out when you surrender,and let go of how you think things should go
-fascination with life
-cats
-getting clean with my diet again
-feeling my feelings
-being patient with myself and strong
-the actions i've been taking to go with the limiting block clearing
-noticing how for real i am changing