-it happened. after a strange and crazy weekend of R crying on the phone with me then getting scared and weird and blocking my number and erasing messages even from 2 other phones i used to call and having the calls straight go to machine and deleting me from facebook and L treating me like crap..both of these guys supposedly getting a "conscience" but really showing themselves as awful,i revealed my feelings to A. And,he responded. He said he finds me interesting too and that he wants to get to know me more and hang out but he's just so busy with work that he doesnt have time for romance at all but that if i play my cards right maybe we will end up kissing. He did have a slight ego,but he's him and i'm not surprised but he was really sweet and authentic. i had decided earlier i want to focus on him more since he is my dream guy unlike R. So,after one of my messages using M's husbands phone trying to get ahold of R and yelling at him,i decided to just go for it,and tell A how i feel. I wanted to melt that this moment happened. like really savor it. things from years ago have been manifesting.
-having half a driver's liscense. just have to re-do the road test which im sure ill get on the 2nd try
-getting approved for a saks card
-something happening this weekend that helped me see D from my past,a guy i went on 2 dates with in a different light..as a decent-ish guy.
-my bed
-my cats
-having 3 jobs to work today
-my beauty
-hot guys
-doing more shopping therapy after a stressful drama filled weekend and buying myself a chanel eyeshadow and gucci bracelet
-my phone
-laughter
-feeling feelings and how good that feels
-getting all my dishes cleaned finally
-coffee
-meditating today
-my new friend R
-being productive
-my eyeglasses
-cuteness
-fashion
-lorazapam
-lip balm
-water
-rest
-naps
-motivation
-seeing mom cat again today
-the meeting ex best friend wanted me to go to that i declined not happening
-seeing M actually defend me somewhat
-dimmer lights
-dental floss
-cleanliness
-newness
-happy,positive things to think about
-inspiration
-affirmations
-getting better at things
-positive transformation
-doing some physical exercise today and how good it felt
-that i get to work tomorrow