-all the crying. it is a release i need and i know is helping me to heal and let go.
-understanding and learning myself through my wounds. i am learning i feel a lot of guilt right now and wanted B to feel my pain and the pressures i always feel that no one can understand and seeing how that's all connected.i feel not adequate and guilty about it.
-that it's the last day of eating junk food before back to clean eating and i'm excited for it.
-inspiration
-trying again another dating app just for being curious because i cannot fathom how people use these and seeing again this just doesnt resonate with me. i haven't clicked like to hardly anyone,and the 2 or so i did was just to have clicked anyone.i will be deleting this app probably monday. i think besides wanting to make sure i'm not being too old fashioned shunning these,i kind of wanted a one time rebound date to distract me a bit. no kissing or anything but drinks and a chance to complain about B to someone but that'd probably not actually help.
-my desire to open myself up and want to be vulnerable and expose my wounds.
-candies and sweets
-in the afternoon all of a sudden feeling that i don't care that it's valentines day in a happy sort of way,relieving way. it was then irealized i had subconsciously cared and made it out to be more important this time around and it was subconsciously making me less happy,instead of treating it like no big deal like i usually do. this made me feel such relief.
-the internet and all the cool creations on the internet in this day and age
-wanting to thank others and tell them what i appreciate about them
-all the things i want to do.i feel broken open. deciding i think i might buy some paint tomorrow and get into painting again and how healing it will be to get out these feelings and i want to write poetry too so maybe doing poetry paintings.
-something beautiful i really took to today,though i've noticed before but didn't take to it as much. playing with the tarot again,i dont know why i still do,but figured it was a good cue on my vibration for manifesting if nothing else and so pulled a card after asking question that happened to be a card in my head i said i hope,i don't get. then shortly after,i had been thinking about a different card i had gotten which was positive a few days ago,and got that. it was so inconsistent that it made no sense and was showing me the law of attraction in action! I was pulling the cards my subconscious had on it's mind. it was ridiculous and i had known it all this time,but it was showing me the tarot is a waste of time,and can be a very negative thing but in that,it showed me something powerful,the law of attraction at work! the perfect play tool to show the loa at work is to manifest picking a certain card. Think of that card,then draw it! I remember as a child having thoughts like this as the subconscious subtle inkling that we can choose things with our thoughts but i wasnt there yet with realizing it or believing it,as children we sort of know though,and adults when we arent clouded that if we are mischievious and think a certain thing,that's what we'll pull,and this applies to all things! we just get clouded and distracted and forget this truth. i know without a doubt all of this is my creation,because i can see years ago how i thought about it,and now it's here. even to things like the internet. it's very very freaky in fact,which is why i think the truth gets so distracted.i love this and love all my memories of flickerings of remembering when the universe was trying to tell me something and show me. pain is inspiring.i feel so broken up and am just now seeing the beauty of it. but,it's not in a soul lesson like others who were done,because i know B isn't done,this is different,i feel it.i didn't need to get broken open,i was in the midst of being on a path already from it,i think i'm just using this to open me up more while things unfold. because,it's going to be good,oh so good
-chatting metaphysics with best friend and realizing more things and saying how when you do energy sending on someone a few times,you never have to again,when they manifest back to you,because they end up always drawn to you from then on no matter what does on in your lives,doing that sort of creates a bind. the work now pays off.
-remembering i need to stop believing in psychic attack,and karma and other disempowering things or relying on someone else to send me energy as it weakens me to rely on that. it someone wants to,that's great,but i am the creator of my reality,and can change my reality.
-looking in the mirror and seeing how awful i looked today and aged. i appreciate that because it shows me what a low vibration and not taking care of myself is doing. i've been craving face yoga,yoga,clean eating,positive thinking,to get my eyebrows done,etc,etc and it's time to give myself more of that.
-all my ideas and desires.i want to go to sculpture park,paint,start doing more makeup and going glamourous with my hair and makeup more and take more pictures of myself as i'm really inspired by the power of makeup in the last months
-to start acting more glamourous and like a celebrity, not in a conceited way or annoying way,but in a being more charismatic way and holding myself higher and allowing myself to be an inspiration and to not care what others think but to trust myself and be a trendsetter. i imagine myself as a celebrity and can see it clearly and i'm beautiful and me,so that's how i will start acting
-that I HAVE gotten more of a control on my mind the last few days. it goes back and forth but it is getting better. it will improve even more.
-that i will clean the apartment start to finish as vday gift to my roommate
-a social possibility that popped up that looked fun. a meetup showed up in my email that actually looks like something i'd want to do and is the perfect meetup for me to go to. things are looking up,little by little,things are expanding.
-my power
-sweaters
-my favorite incense unlock
-the nice deep sleep i've been getting
-knowing how great I can be
-abundance
-the things i like
-all that i want to create
-positive energy
-how unique i am
-relief
-instagram
-relief that happens when you let go a little and get even just a little bit happy
-the certainty that if things don't happen anyday now because of my vibe,it'll end up happening super intense in a month or two but no matter what it'll happen because too much very strong energy for it not,to
-getting an online thing updated and organized a little. little things right now count,at least i'm being productive a little.