-new hair clip i bought which keeps more hair out of my face because it's bigger
-coffee
-water
-my vitamins
-sweaters
-sleeping kind of nice last night
-new interests i want to explore;right now i'm interested in exploring acro yoga
-my favorite incense
-getting some emails done;feels so good accomplishing things put off. really clears energy to do so!
-nourishment
-meditation and how just a little of the right meditation really is healing
-the white shadow pencil i bought for highlighting which i LOVE. i tried it out last night and it works amazing. it really made me look more awake and younger. so glad i bought it.
-that A seems to love me,and i get the feeling thinks of me as the one who got away and wants to marry me someday. he is so intense,though that sometimes i just need to back off. he is so serious oriented.i feel he'd want to have kids with me.i do feel close to him,though,i want to tell him that. being a soul connection,though,every time he comes back around,he has me checking with myself on internal things i need to change and move forward to. i've almost come to expect it and it scares the heck out of me what that means. after all these years,we are still in each other's lives,and every time we see each other,even if it's not always pleasant,he stirs something in me that causes me to realize i need to change something in my life. it scares me that what if one day,after a certain point,he is right,and we DO end up getting married. and that,on some soul level,he just knows i'm not ready yet and have these changes to make. he drives me crazy. what if we weren't just some intense crazy love story back then that was young and passionate but meant to be short lived but in fact meant for much more? i do believe he really was in love with me back then. but,he also falls in love a lot,i feel. then again,so do i. i do think he wishes he could give me more,but because we were so short lived back then,never got a chance to. i've also wondered if he is waiting for me,and that is why he seems to not get married or often go official with relationships since we first reconciled in 2010. and,maybe that's why he was getting antsy and kept calling me this month. maybe he feels he is getting older,and with things going on with the other ex of his he said he doesn't feel it for,it's reminding him of me and wanting to get married soon,since he had mentioned how his friends keep saying things about marriage to him. it's just overwhelming to me.i had thought i wanted something more serious now,and long term,but with him coming in the picture now,i feel like i want to pace things in my life.he has said very meaningful things. he is one person who always triggers big changes so it scares me. in 2009,he triggered big life changes. and thinking of him in long term ways,always makes things feel final which scares me,as it seems so gloomy.i don't know what's meant to happen,i started to catch on last year after we met up,that he's definitely a soul mate alright that i knew,since he drives me crazy,and triggers things in me,yet feels like home to me,too.i'm just not sure if he is meant to be someone who pops in time to time,and we catch up,triggers things,and then go our separate ways,or are we going to have something happen one day? like marriage. it does have the perfect set up,for us to end up becoming married one day. two people,the young good girl,and the rebellious bad boy have intense,crazy in love,but very short lived relationship,split up in awful way,reconcile and every year or so meet up just to one day end up married. it's a perfect flow,in a way. in 2010,our first time meeting up,was at a coffee shop. i was still awkward,and there was shyness on both parts,and i didn't feel it as much,and it felt more like a,it was good to manifest this,and good to see each other again,just to see each other. it seemed to mean more to him at the time,which makes sense since i was the one who was a lot more heartbroken and in tears when we ended,and so by the time i healed,i was moved on. over time,i was still young and starting to go out a lot,and i just wasn't as into him,he seemed to not be caring enough or fun enough,and then we meet in 2012 again. This time,it was more romantic. I was more confident,and grown into myself,but a little egotistical,and he was a little playerish,still.We had both both vibed more,but i was still immature somewhat,and he was still coming off to me,somewhat fake and i felt distrust still of him not seeming very caring of a person. We had sex this night,and it felt like i was going back in time,manifesting something i had intended back in my heartbreak when we ended things with each other in 2009. I felt closer to him,and him to me,him even saying things about if i ever got pregnant,and it seemed like he possibly tried to make me pregnant with where he finished. He then seemed to be playing games with me,as if testing me,and i just wasn't feeling it,and i also didn't trust him about things which i did speak about a little just so he'd know and eventually we distanced,and he ended up in a relationship. then,it's 2014. by now,i've matured more,and had more grown up things happen by now. we meet up on valentine's day and by now i'm a little more almost in a bitter phase of my life. This time,when we met up,he annoyed me at times,and he seemed a bit bitter himself,actually which is kind of interesting in hindsight to see that we were more similar then i realized. he had just come out of a relationship and was talking about how disappearing is just what he does,and how someday he wants to end up on the west coast,and it just made me so mad on the inside,that,and various things,but what's funny is i had talked too about wanting to move up on the west coast. We tried to have sex,and he was more agressive,which actually put me off,the older me would've found it a turn on,and we ended up not having sex,but he wasn't mad,and we was very loving to me,and he said it would'nt be a year or so next time we see each other when i said it would,but then i had the hardest year of my life,but..the funny thing is,ever since 2012 when i had spoken about some of the things with him that bothered me,he actually was more there for me and so in 2014,i was surprised to see with things the things that hurt me the most in life,he actually cared but then a few months later,he tried to make plans with me,i was in too much pain and said i'm not ready yet,and he started ignoring me. i think he had wanted to give me a necklace when i said i'm not ready. i hadn't known this but after i said that to him,i looked at his facebook,and he posted a picture saying he wanted to give this necklace to someone and then few hours later was when he had messaged me to see me. finally,i picked up the pieces of my life after a hard year,and then the beginning of this year,felt it's been about a year so i contacted him to hang out when i was hurt from a breakup. we had been on and off talking and trying to get together since i contacted him and well now we are here with us having gotten together last saturday. so,things unfolding as they should. it's weird,indeed and i don't think when he first contacted me in 2008,and we became a couple in 2009,that either of us expected it to go like this,or for us to still be in each other's lives this many years later. he is one of those people in life i am very grateful to have met. he remembers things about me,like a most important work contact i love,and other things,and has said last saturday,he's been keeping his eye on me all these years.have no idea what that means.i would like to change the pattern of things,just to prove to myself i can,since one of my worries these days with manifesting is that things with people go in patterns and it sucks so i'm going to try and see if we can meet up again this spring.i really like that i feel he can provide for me,and that he gets me in a lot of ways.
-all the new instagram followers
-that business trip is almost freaking here. so nervous.
-lemon tea. wow. so good,and so healing. so happy to work with this tea for the rest of the month. a great solar plexus tea. as soon as i tried it,i was impressed with how great it tasted.
-uber
-great success tips
-feeling motivated