-A and I being back with each other, talking like we were with each other again. My intuitions seemed to have been right, and after giving just a little bit of space and being myself, we somehow came back to each other like we never left including an acknowledgement of it during one of our arguments since. Some of the same past issues still have come up including him rescheduling and canceling and me doing the same, and some arguments and me doing something that made me feel like the devil which he forgave me for which i thought was really mature and he really does seem to remember just about everything since we met having paid attention to me and has said directly several times he wants a long term relationship with me and has basically made a reservation on me so i'm going to give this a chance still despite how frustrated it's been and my uncertainties of compatibility,etc
-ordering food today that's like thanksgiving food such as potatoes, carrots, etc
-somehow manifesting the neighbor J back in the picture after a bad night when my friend said things that made me feel awful, A canceled on me because of an argument, etc. He randomly called me, and I randomly picked up which i usually don't do to people i don't know well and when i'm not expecting it. Then, I randomly decided to meet up with him, despite it being last minute and looking awful and not having makeup on and not even caring, and despite how we last left things, then let him in my kitchen despite how my place is and that rule i have for this place, and we hung out, i got really drunk, i ended up letting him in my place, the rest of it and we were very physical, he wasn't dangerous at all. It was just very embarrassing i let him see how disgusting my place is. We passed out next to each other, and i woke up with him next to me. There was some things i was annoyed about. But, he got in my place and my ex and A did not and will not. There's something there. He has a niceness to him i like and a brokenness i feel we share. That night is something i feel i'll remember, it was something kind of forbidden, like the kind that felt like the feeling of 2 people sneaking about, and the exiting and entering.
-ordering a black sweater dress last week so i have something here to wear for a date or to go out in that's not in storage
-that the agency i work for paid me so i'd get paid before the holiday and pays for set up and break down time
-changing up my look
-coffee and how it boosts my mood
-music
-J neighbor liking my coat a lot saying i'm really wearing that coat
-my sense of style
-earning more money than i did last month
-cleaning a little earlier
-rebuilding my life, and that i'm trying
-chivalry and when men help women and carry my stuff for me, etc
-my ex calling the grant people to try and fix what went wrong with it
-adapting to working more
-learning more with public transportation
-makeup
-how cute my cats are
-beta blockers and using those occasionally to calm myself down when things get nerve wrecking or i need to slow my blood pressure or heart rate down
-remembering little things to remind myself how real the law of attraction is
-holding one of my favorite stuffed animals when i got home after my awful day and panic attack that left me feeling suicidal and dazed and falling asleep early
-watching some good movies the last few days
-that my social life has increased a little bit the last few months
-doing 40 minutes of yin yoga last night
-how much my cat's liking their bed
-that my weight is going down even though it's much slower than it should be
-losing 2 of the 3 pounds i gained
-changing up my look
-deciding to see my ex S that I wasn't ready to see before since he will be helping me and is. He was a jerk in a lot of ways but not the one way i feared
-my ex S liking my chest a lot and giving them a lot of attention caressing them and kissing them, making out with them in his car
-trying to take my vitamins more often
-finding a better way to handwash my clothes for when i really have to
-my therapist finding another rental assistance program that she emailed me about and contacting them
-inspiration
-baby wipes
-the body lotion i use that's very hydrating
-my humidifier
-meeting new people
-having goals
-blankets
-learning new ways of doing things
-laughter and humor
-healing and becoming more coherent
-sunshine
-nightskies
-nice views
-my lawyer being about to file a motion to quash
-my creativity
-compliments
-being considered really attractive and interesting
-showering more often, wearing makeup more often and just taking better care of myself than this time last year
-new experiences
-kissing J
-watching P cat walk out of his tunnel it's so cute and funny seeing him use it to navigate the living room
-having had some cool and interesting life experiences
-how smart and intuitive my cats are, they jumped out of their playpen when i spaced out and didn't shut it right away and i suddenly seen them on the ground below the porch and scooped them both back up. It was insane and surreal. They knew not to stray too far i believe and just wanted to have their fun.
-great deals
-random little money blessings like money in my account that doesn't make sense or not getting charge for a bag of cat food, etc
-my older friend i became introduced to in 2022, he's been an angel to me
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