-feeling like S and I are starting to talk to each other more often. The other day,i almost felt like a beneath the surface intuitive surge of things coming closer. I like him a lot,but here i hardly know him. We talked for like 5 minutes twice and once he hugged me that 2nd time and ever since then we text consistently but very casually and I just don't know what to think now. I get serendipity about him and everytime i let go of him in my mind or have a bad day/bad moment,he suddenly texts me. He brought up me going to D.C today and I thought gosh,that's crazy to go all the way there for someone i only seen in person twice for 5 minutes. Even what he looks like is becoming a slight blur. And,I realized that's how he must feel about coming to my city. It is crazy,at least for where we are at currently in knowing each other. Maybe if we texted everyday,or had some phone calls,or had spent a whole day together when we had met. This girl today made me think I need to accelerate things with him because she,too had a Maryland(literally from Maryland,too) but she lost him because she let things take too long. But,I have to follow my heart. I did text him after work because of what she said and it was fine,he doesnt seem to play games,but i feel i'm meant to take this slow. I just don't know how to let things get just a little accelerated,though. I do feel though,intuitively that surge as if things are about to become more in some way,i don't know what exactly.
-today was stressful. a work contact/acqutaince wants to pull the piece now because she is getting frustrated about something I have to clean up the mess on. I guess she doesnt like my honesty and she said she is putting her foot down and pulling the piece. I said fine do what you have to do.I hate my city. I'm very anxious about money these days and to have to fix someone's errors is an expense that I don't need. Later,I cancelled on a friend i was going to meet with but I felt tired and was in a bad mood plus my money is so low that going anywhere is stressing me out right now. He seemed weird then just didnt respond. Then,i wanted to cuddle with my cats,but they all wanted to be outside.I found out the other day staying with my dad temporarily isn't an option because i cant bring my cats and he'd want me to pay rent and it'd already be an expense as it is living so far away. Itd be one thing if my cats could come,but overall the deal has no benefit to me whatsoever so that option is officially ruled out. Overall,im grateful for my strength.
-M's husband putting some money into my account.
-opportunities
-compliments. today,a co-worker said i seem like i'd do yoga or meditation because i have a calm aura.
-naps and sleep
-water
-lorazapam. this seems to be the winner for me with best anxiety med
-deep cleansing breaths
-the weight i've lost
-makeup
-getting my adidas hoodie in the mail. good choice going with that one.
-all the upcoming work i have
-my cat pillows
-smiling
-inspiration