-finally being there. that point of clarity. idk what it took.after striving and striving and looking for spiritual enlightenment and to better myself while on the inside feeling angry,hurt and inadequate,i stopped seeking spiritual enlightenment. I let go,I am embracing more fully imperfection,ME,and mystery and from this my inner knowing has become stronger again. I've made some small changes as well and that's played an affect too i'm sure. I no longer distract myself with things such as tarot since i now believe it's not only pointless but harmful and actually blocks your intuition. And,i've moved away from the vegan movement. Even just by distancing myself from vegan vlogs for a few days now,i actually feel much better. I kept that on as an interest for over a year which is unlike me. It was only a few months ago i started to notice that it's made my anxieties worse and my vibe lower. So, I know now that this is the way. Good came from the initial interest of becoming vegan and some of what it reawakened in me,but i have no interest to have vegan friends or be heavily interested in vegan culture anymore. By distancing myself from things like the vlogs,i can come more into myself and better serve the world. This just feels so right to me. I was meant to change my diet,and become reawakened to animal advocacy but that's all. I am grateful for that path,and that it's come full cycle and now time to continue on being vegan in my own way and cut these distractions now.
-steam rooms and sweating. another thing that perhaps played a part. maybe cleared some things for me. i literally felt drawn to go to a steam room. before i did first start it,,i kept having visuals of my skin being cleaned out,and looking very cleansed and glowy as if it had gotten good skin treatments. i now wonder/and feel this was part of the insight drawing me to go to the steam room. because.one side effect is my skin is looking glowier and really nice and it looks as if my face is decreasing in age. my eyes look wider and glowier too. i'm really a big fan of sweating and will now consider it as important as sunshine,for example. it really is so simple. we get little things drawing us all the time,little connections we feel all the time,etc,etc. I really think the mistake i had made blocking my clarity now is the little distractions i thought were too minor to make a difference(the vegan vlogs and tarot). It's strange because in the past i'd notice quicker when little things were having an effect. my insights and inner knowing have gotten so strong in the last few days. it's crazy.i'm really grateful to be where i wanted to be,and i definitely say if i had to point out what i should've done all this time since march or may,i'd say it was those two tweaks. i'm finally feeling cocooned in clarity.
-embracing and loving imperfection. i finally realize my obsession with trying to find spiritual enlightenment was really just an excuse to not love myself.this may have been hinted at me before. i have tried way too hard. it's like i thought i had to try and try and try to reach perfect spiritual detox in order to manifest a perfect moment,and be free to live. i was keeping myself prisoner with this mindset.i'm emotional even at the realization of this.i used it as an excuse to not live. I don't need to have a perfect diet. I don't need to be a perfect vegan.I don't need to say the perfect words. I can make "wrong" decisions. I can be superficial at times. This is all ok. It's no wonder i couldn't align with certain things. It's so weird,and amazing to me that THIS is what it took to reach this moment. It seems so mundane and simple. But,then it usually is. I have been afraid to express myself yet expression is one of the biggest things for me that is essential to my nourishment. No wonder i've felt so unfragmented.
-twizzlers
-soda
-transmutation
-alchemy
-sleeping wonderfully lately
-ordering a halloween costume today,because i want to make sure i go out this year for it and something told me to get a costume early today
-seeing a cute costume for the cat possibly that made me smile
-the tv show i've been watching
-how amusing the cat is
-feeling more secure i've been feeling
-making appointment for spa
-reading facebook comments on someone's post about my primary industry and smiling remembering and feeling that drawn to going back to that
-sending an email i meant to get done
-water
-how amazing the little altar area looks with the stones,statues,and print
-the air filter in here
-comfort
-how amazing best friend is now
-having arrived and how good that feels. i feel such a sense of security now. no rushing,no apathy.
-hair clips
-my style
-being a woman
-how my energy has become softer
-being in the mood for a love life again and thinking about qualities i want for someone. it's nice to feel ready to move towards someone new
-getting a little cleaning done today
-hoodie sweaters
-beauty
-how amazing my facial features are,and their symetry
-body looking a little more toned and smooth possibly
-hot tea
-cafe latte and maple cookies and how good the go together
-social media
-fun
-the little things
-feeling both child-like and feminine
-how by surrendering,i feel more in control
-stretches
-my desires for adventures
-smiling
-a little bit of happiness in my heart
-feeling cleansed
-serendipity
-smiling at timing sometimes
-simplifying. keep it simple. enjoy the human experience.
-inspiraton
-how amazing my nails and hair have been in the last few days