-coffee
-water
-mysteriously feeling the urge to wake up at a certain time just to see notifications on my phone that my ex A posted a picture of me on two social medias,he even found me on instagram,i didn't even see what it said,as i quickly felt self conscious about my appearance and how i looked physically so asked him to remove and said we can take better ones next time. now,part of me wishes i had seen what he captioned the pics and gotten a better look at how i looked before panicing as i often do about pic tags from my bdd.i appreciate being thought of though and that he wants to show me off. he seems to be acting very possessive and like he wants a relationship with me. for awhile after the pic,i felt so insecure about myself drifting back to sleep wondering how attractive am i really,and maybe i'm not that pretty. it made me feel very down.
-acknowledging that i feel very direction-less about my life. and that it's making me apathetic and like i'm just drifting in a career sense. i had so much more motivation before but ever since march or so, ifeel displeased about certain life things and very stuck. seeing my ex A did trigger more of it,too.i also feel lazy,but like i just need to do my business trip,then come back and see what happens with giving my life some direction. on top of that,having not spoken to E after in over a month,even though my higher self didn't want to see him,i do feel kind of..frustrated by it. all i want to do is have trip be amazing,come back and see ex A again,have my life get direction,and also see E. i'm so down that i feel fears about trip,and worries it won't bring me the soul changes i desire.
-savasana pose in yoga for meditating
-yoga
-getting my workouts done last night
-cleaning the living room
-getting to bed slightly earlier,though it's not seemed to make a difference in waking up earlier. also falling asleep with more ease,which is very nice and sleeping better. maybe that's the vitamin e helping with that.
-roommate stopping by on break
-new things to integrate and try
-feeling feelings for ex A again.i keep thinking he is really sexy lately,and how good of a provider he is
-how wise i actually can be.i re-read some old blogs,and am like damn,i'm so smart.
-that ex A loves me,even if he doesn't remember it/know it. he did actually say it afterall back when we dated in 2009,but has yet to say it since we reconciled.
-manifesting desires.i can't help but be inspired by it. ex A as a huge desire many years ago that iwanted back. the classic manifesting the ex back story. it includes the downsides and the magic of it. downsides being,yes it took some time,though in hindsight,not really that long,and when he came back,i was moved on,and not really feeling it,quite the same. but,now years later,he is still in my life,and there's still something,and still things unraveling so i'd encourage anyone to manifest their exes back. the magic of it is,the beauty of having a dream come true and how surreal it is,and how much it strengthens a bond,and that in my experience,once you do the work,they never let you go,and you never need to do the work again,there's always a strong something there where they always think of you. i've seen this true in several people,years later,from doing just a small amount of work to bigger desires,and it's always been this way,that they just always will think of you,even years later,like this mysterious strong connection. some say you shouldn't manifest things with people,but i disagree,and old books on law of attraction would,too. using loa with people is one of the most fun ways to practice,because seeing it unfold with people desires is one of the most magical ways of seeing the loa at work.
-how writing this list is actually boosting my mood out of apathy and boredom and making me realize i'm just not trying hard enough and that life if magical,and i just need to make some more efforts to manifest my desires instead of feeling stuck on what i want.i do see how and why i've been stuck though
-tights to keep my legs warm
-that i'll start packing tonight a little bit