somehow feel drawn to do gratitude more often so may do that as long as it feels good.
-getting in some driving lesson today,even if it wasnt an ideal one since i felt overwhelmed.i drove side streets and crossed busy streets and am getting better at reversing and driving a little faster.i was driving in the neighborhood me and best friend had our first apartment.
-that i'm crying less now
-my style and taste
-doing some visualization today in several few minute increments and several seconds increments on imaging positive conversations. it made my body feel good and made my mood better in a general way though not specific to the situations yet.
-being able to try and surrender and see that being backtracked in life doesn't mean i won't get back forward again and being able to appreciate the connectedness to life,even if some parts of feeling like i'm going back in time hurt like hell
-the connection to best friend i still have such as being connected to his parents,his sweaters i wear,the computers having both our names on it,his parents pay my phone bill,etc,etc.i actually used to be so scared that losing him if he died would cause me to lose all that,so at least,from this i can see that wouldn't happen and that they do care about me
-having high ideals for myself
-knowing for myself in my heart this is wrong,and not how it's meant to be and that I can have what I want and don't have to conform to society's norms
-the pizza slices i got from the pizza place by my first apartment and best friend's first apartment
-deciding to even do just some kind of cleaning yesterday and cleaning off the table
-deciding today i will do at least some kind of cleaning again and will sweep the dining room floor
-deciding today i will do at least some kind of small amount of exercise even just some lunges or something and will do at least a speaking affirmation session. after all,this stuff did work and i shouldn't give up. the past months were not all a waste,even if it seems like it.
-the miracle of finding out yesterday my brother cut his hair and is wearing brighter colors. it has been something that has given me so much hope. i set that intention this winter! that was my wink from the universe telling me not to give up.
-warm weather
-deciding to buy the pearl of great price
-deciding to start keeping my beliefs and wants to myself. i think even if this takes practice and i only start doing this little by little more and more,that will make great positive effect and i will get better at doing that. i believe there is a sacredness to that and it was how i did things when i first learned of loa and had more success and less loa filters blocking me
-appreciating the experience of going to that indian restaurant and the cool little strip it was in.i felt like i wasn't in my city. i loved it.
-going ahead and deciding i will fill out that application for the flower shop
-realizing all that's happened is not predestiny,no matter how much it may look like it
-eye massage
-that i have an appointment with a free mental health professional so maybe that'll be good to help deal with all this hurt