-blogging it all out last night,a bunch of letting it out feelings about D.i don't care,i'll know he'll see it. either this us not talking will bring us closer or it'll really be the end,because there is no going back after what's happened with us. 12 days since we've been good with each other,2 days since we talked. still replaying memories in my mind,and songs i listen to that reminded me of me and him things. having a clear perspective on things that i should be angry,too. the flickers of i love him that keep coming up that seem to arise from the heart chakra,which is way weird. feeling more and more certain he's had me as the goal since the beginning and had deep feelings for me,too. maybe i'm even energetically feeling what he is feeling or was feeling and thats why the heart chakra whisperings.it's crazy one minute i'm like i don't want him,i cant stand him and the next i'm like i want him,i l--- him,which is clearly a sign of something deep. but maybe i'm crazy.i feel certain he had trouble waiting 5 days to text me,too it's like he couldn't go a whole week.i think he's purposefully keeping us in limbo.i think he doesn't want to let go of me,but doesn't know where to go from here,and also wants to hurt me.
-going tanning today
-texting with B everyday since we met.he has even said he is going to write me a song and give it to me when we hang out. he says he writes songs for fun. i don't want things to get messy but B is nice and seems to really like me,and D and I are in limbo and unclear with each other.unlike some people,i don't like to multi date,but this hasn't been my intention at all. it would not take much at all for D to get me to not see B,but the more and more I talk to B and see him,well,obviously things would only grow with B more and B is starting to grow on me a little. not a connection yet,but i'm starting to feel sweet feelings towards him. if D really likes me and doesn't want to lose me,i'd think he'd not wait much longer to work things out with me.i feel bad,because at this point it is a little complicated. it seems like i'm giving D an ultimatum after giving him pain,but that was not my intention,life just happens. what am i supposed to assume from all this? we both said it was over,and he seemed really serious about it when he said it,but then again,i did,too and even when he said who that girl was,i said okaybye. the next day,i explained myself and my wrongs,and he was distant,but then seemed like he was going to forgive me based on his twitter post and making me sext him. then he doesn't respond to my facebook friend request and after 3 days,i cancel it. he also doesn't text me again for 5 days,the longest he's gone without iniating contact and he knew it was long,too. i have no idea where we stand but he seems to be laying low according to social medias.i can see how he'd be confused,too,perhaps
-coffee
-water
-nice warm shower
-a place to live
-heat
-how pretty the snow is
-living in a nice big city
-weight going down a little bit again from the slacking off of last week. body bounces back super quick on this plan
-how pretty my face is
-how beautiful i can be
-the industry i work in and easy it is to make myself feel better,and use success to ease my pain and get payback on pain from others
-art
-rebounding workouts and how great it makes me feel,and stretches me out and good it makes my body look
-getting things done,decisons being made,and things happening
-empowerment
-love
-feeling good,positive,and faithful
-using this time to work on myself
-soft determination to better myself and progress
-knowing i'm amazing and a great catch as a friend,date,girlfriend,etc
-being a woman
-great quotes at the perfect time
-beauty products
-all the dejavu last night
-surrender to the moment,and moments of silence to just be
-rain boots
-femininity
-polarity
-my smarts
-mature understanding
-being sexy
-beautiful and interesting life moments
-romance
-emotions and feelings