GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-movies
-staying strong
-looking for help
-my leggings with the edgy side trim and front panels
-the chic leg warmers with buttons coming in the mail
-nostalgia
-moisturizer
-showering
-taking risks
-having a warm apartment
-seeing most of my feral cats the other day
-starbucks
-kind people
-the kind uber driver who gave me her number in case i need someone to talk to her after hearing my health stories
-my cats
-drinking water
-sleep
-hope
-remembering law of attraction and spirituality roots
-my beauty
-my pads
-my childlike side
-being happy for others
-being happy for my mom and dad
-ibuprofen
-setraline
-being smart
-being able to think for myself
-gift left on my door by landlord
-having empathy for others
-having lived my dreams
-movies

[buttercup]

-brushing my teeth
-baby wipes
-lysol
-how cute my cats are and seeing them curl in a ball or tilt their or submissively let me pick them up
-the beauty of cats
-cleaning a little
-deciding to delete my gofundme
-drinking water
-starting my new years resolutions
-rewriting the story
-coffee
-blankets
-my coffee cake from starbucks
-art
-movies and production
-beauty
-my beauty
-botox
-moisturizer
-having things i want to do and accomplish and manifest
-having met interesting and accomplish people in my life and entangled myself with interesting and accomplished people who've inspired me and helped me better myself
-calming down
-prayer
-affirmations

[buttercup]

-the friendly girl at the plasma center giving me a mini candy cane and being nice before christmas
-drinking my apple cider vinegar water
-starting up doing 10 minutes of heart opening yoga again last night
-M talking to me again
-nice weather and the wonderful way the breeze felt
-laying down, allowing my mind to empty and feeling almost a slight euphoric feeling and aliveness remembering all is well and will be well and the feeling of heart chakra opening surrender sensations if i were to just surrender fully enough and how amazing that would feel
-opening my front door to see a target bag on front stoop and peering in to what was a magic kit. it may have been for me and from a friend that got mad at me and had said he'd drop off a christmas gift he got me before he got mad but then said he'd hold onto it and wait. There was no name tag and it just looked opened but as if left for someone. It could have been from the wind or maybe someone opened it to see if it was for them or was nosy to see what it was then put it back realizing it was just a magic kit. I took it as a beautiful positive omen of magic! A magic kit. Walking right in front of magic, a magic kit. How dream-like. I didn't bring it in. Maybe i should have. I did try texting the one person and asking if he did stopped by but very awesome sign from the universe.
-doing a nice prayer and affirmation incense ritual the night before
-how cute and cuddly my cats
-my givenchy bear
-learning and growing as a person
-my mood's being more up and feeling less weighed down
-drinking water
-flossing my teeth
-reflection
-having great hair
-the sky
-music
-staying positive
-being productive
-socks
-having fulfilled all my dreams
-working on my new year's resolutions
-blankets

[buttercup]

-staying strong
-band aids
-being creative
-getting on board a new agency roster
-listening to heart chakra music
-movies
-sleep
-blankets
-cuddling my cats
-my black givenchy bear
-sending T cat a feral cat insulated weatherproof sizeable house
-hot tea
-fashion
-meeting up with my ex Ja and getting dinner in chinatown and him feeding me and taking the parts i thought were gross out of the food for me so i'd eat
-gritty, real experiences that feel cinematic
-new experiences
-the friendly phlebotomist who says hi to me and makes conversation when she sees me now
-working on my new years resolutions
-having a warm place to live
-my solawave red light therapy wand
-connection
-inspiration
-seeing other's i look up to having had gone through things i am going through or have
-happy moments or accomplished or peaceful moments of my past
-recovering a lot of cool pics from my past
-seeing i've lived a full life
-drinking water
-having apple cider water vinegar the other day
-so many beautiful pics from first career i did
-adding more light yoga routine to my routine
-colors
-nightskies
-mirror affirmations
-art
-being eceletic
-clean socks
-being smart
-moisturizer
-prayer
-reflection
-claritin
-makeup
-knowing trends and aesthetics

[buttercup]

-starting work again
-k at the plasma place vibing with me and noticing my subtle hair color change and giving me a tip so my heart rate stays low while they take it
-adding golden blonde to my hair which gives it a lovely strawberry blonde like hue that's a little different and nice
-J giving me $200 dollars
-my cats and how sweet and innocent they are
-J taking me to see my feral cats for a short bit recently
-being able to do a little laundry at J's house
-J giving me flowers the 2nd time we hung out again and then the 3rd
-having an amazing dinner at a place we found and J ordering us such a feast. We had shots of titos vodka, a Mai Tai, bottle of sparkling rose wine, salads, bread, charcuterie, gnocchi, he had octopus and salmon and we had the place to ourself. It was a lovely experience and all the stuff I ordered was amazing
-how good J is at ordering food for me
-walking
-being productive
-reflection and working on the last year of reflection and new year goals
-movies to watch on hbo
-pierogi
-fashion
-my cashapp tote bag and how stylish it is and that I got it for free
-staying strong and positive
-orange powerade
-being kind to others
-finding the nail clippers
-starting doing yoga at home again and how great it feels
-red light therapy and how great it is for my skin
-working on cleaning my blood
-cuddling with J's dog
-good therapy sessions
-my creativity
-makeup
-sleep
-m's husband cash-apping me twice recently
-new experiences
-remembering excitement, bliss, feeling alive and other great feelings
-muscle relaxants I found that make me feel relaxed
-getting more things organized to be packed away
-seeing more job openings pop up
-M talking to me more again
-the step tracker on my phone
-the foot balm I have to moistuirze my feet
-my face mist I use to add glow to my skin
-positive visualization
-moisturizers
-having great style
-recovering awesome older pics I haven't seen in awhile
-hair masks
-having great eyes
-changing the litter box last night
-doing some reading earlier
-colors
-design
-having character
-having integrity
-trying to reach new goals and overcome things
-J giving me gloves
-putting the abuse an animal go to jail bumper sticker on j's car
-an author friend gifting me a copy of his book
-beauty
-my cats becoming trained to let me have flowers out in my place
-cuteness
-flowers
-finding a green heart button on my buttons and pins leg warmers I bought
-unique beauties with gap teeth that look absolutely gorgeous
-compliments
-my intelligence
-my gray oversized winter coat

[buttercup]

-getting a storage unit
-having a nice valentines dinner with my ex
-feeling like the weight loss drugs are kicking in finally
-red light therapy
-changing the hair color direction I'm going in
-my ex changing the situation with other ex and his wife in my favor because of the power he has considering the dynamics(him being a police officer and working for the government and having worked at the courthouse for over 30 years)
-seeing how having no expectations turns things better sometimes
-having a little more money
-exercising my body
-getting stuff out of my apartment
-my ex treating me like a little girl
-getting some new experiences again and having a little fun
-the pink martinis I had at the restaurant the other night
-the mint green squishmallow my ex got me
-M giving me money to get a manicure and getting a peony pink color that turned out really nice
-feeling like my ex is taking care of me
-the phlebetomist being sweet noticing I added a subtle change to my hair color doing more self care
-finishing up one of the books I've been on since 2021 and about to be done with another one so ordering my next book
-working on my goals and reflecting on myself and the past year
-letting myself grieve
-watching movies
-listening to positive affirmations with beach sounds
-the neighbor leaving a friendly thank you note after I felt an urge to get their new dog I kept hearing a gift to welcome him to the building after he kept him making my cats curious
-becoming a little more productive
-b vitamins
-friendly people
-roses
-moisturizers
-orange powerades
-makeup
-my spirituality
-standing up for myself
-yoga
-new ideas
-strengthening my body
-seeing my past accomplishments again and smiling at them
-love
-my cats
-having a great eye for photos, art, fashion, etc
-laying down
-sleep
-my strength
-drinking orange juice
-having a kind heart
-becoming wiser
-growing as a person

[buttercup]

-deciding to shift my hair towards a more golden blonde,medium honey color.
-half the big stuff being in a storage unit and seeing my apartment start to empty.
-seeing my mom for the first time since our falling out and how healing that was for me
-working a job i confirmed after j ex dropped me and learning the joy of discovery and getting the money i need to money i move on it's way to me
-cleaning parts of the floor this week and noticing how it lifted my mood after
-my afterpay spend increasing
-my therapist writing a letter to my utility bill
-learning a bunch of the different train lines while working the other week
-reflecting on things
-detoxing from anxiety medication
-confirming work for the next several months
-getting in a lot of steps while working
-seeing my cats can handle me working well
-seeing my face start to slim out from all the extra steps and eating less when i was working a lot and eating very little
-vive supplements helping my raynauds and immunity
-vitamins
-being resourceful
-prayer
-electrolytes
-acquaintance who donated to my gofundme who may like me randomly giving me $100 recently on venmo
-friendly people
-going to the dentist finally and getting stains removed i was insecure about
-lysol wipes
-inspiration
-comedy and laughing
-romantic tv moments
-newness
-sunshine
-compassion
-art
-my accomplishments
-moisturizers
-stretching

[buttercup]

-someone i never met that i've been talking to online a little bit and in text randomly cash-apping me $500 and how at the time that was the perfect amount i needed to help me with things(of course then life happened and living is expensive)
-baby wipes
-ginger
-the guy that sent me the $500 sending me flowers delivered to my house less then a week later and how beautiful they were
-trying to drink more water
-my mom helping me move stuff into my storage unit and driving around to look for places on foot and cleaning my place for me which has all been a HUGE help for me.
-healing my relationship with my mom after over a year of us having estranged from her
-my apartment being about 1/3 of the way empty
-being so over the color i have for my hair now and wanting a new color fast
-being ready for a new me, whoever that will be and to surrender into that new era
-my food card determination being approved and reloaded.
-moisturizers
-raising my vibration
-feeling an excitement, almost aliveness after one of the times my mom left and the place was cleaner. The hope things were near.
-vegan protein shakes to go
-reflection
-remembering my roots
-remembering my ambition
-having great hair
-my liheap being approved in full so now my power in my apartment is good so i can move without any issues with that
-all the items in my checklist getting done
-seeing more places in the range i want opening up
-the other money gifts the guy sent me as well
-people finding me attractive
-trying to take care of myself just a little bit more
-my cats love for me
-my creativity
-holding my cats and when they cuddle with me or lay with me
-setting my intentions
-listening to root chakra music
-doing laundry at the laundromat and that they accept debit card
-taking action to make my life better
-yoga stretches helping to fix me up
-going for walks
-my freshly washed quilt and how cozy it is
-entertainment
-being able to think for myself
-being rational
-being open
-decluttering so much and minimalizing
-learning
-b vitamins for giving me energy
-hope
-being resourceful

[buttercup]

-my mysterious friend cash app-ing me $750 now. The exact amount I needed again. Randomly. My mind was blown. Perhaps I can be bought. It was the day i was supposed to be out by of my apartment, i had just messed up my 2 jobs i had that weekend and missed them and not really much coming so out of money and just a little short of what I need to move.Now I feel a little more confident. I still need a place, and more work but wow that was like a miracle and genie.
-the way the breeze felt in my window earlier tonight
-getting a cat carrier trolley in case we were going to end up homeless as an idea. It was a waste of money, but i was getting nervous and bought it thinking of things just in case.
-using my allergan gift cards for a botox touch up today. I haven't gone in so long, and it felt good for my morale to do something for my looks. I feel like little makeover things will be good for me.
-hope
-my determination
-selling my celine sunglasses on poshmark
-kindness
-sleeping masks(skincare)
-blue shampoo and how nice my hair color is looking and altering it a little
-my cozy quilt blanket
-finding the other fendi sock the other day that had been missing for like over a year now
-trying to embrace what is
-processing things
-making progress on emptying my apartment
-almost having my affirm debt paid off
-focusing on strength building to get my strength up, build muscles and bone density, and tone and lose weight
-moisturizer
-focusing on kidney cleansing
-protein drinks
-playing with my cats
-how much my cats love me and i love them
-making efforts
-night skies
-sunshine
-hot guys
-beautiful design
-beautiful fashions
-great cinema
-music
-everyone at the lipo center remembering me and it not being awkward at all
-my last zoom interview, the interviewer being sweet and thinking i was cute even though i felt hideous and awful looking
-trying to ease at least some little by little bit back into normality
-baby wipes
-document cleaner
-lysol spray
-when things are cleaner
-learning
-eating less

[buttercup]

-the dopamine blast from my new medication making me feel more cheery,focused, and clear minded
-the nice sunny day's we've had
-my awesome friend i've been talking to randomly cash-apping me $100 the other day
-my hair looking great
-my weight going down a tad, hitting the weight of last year's norm the first half of the year
-strength training to get my body in shape
-eating less and drinking more protein shakes/eating more protein bars
-that I've detoxed from benzos so well
-my blanket quilt i've been sleeping with
-pillows
-serendipity
-learning new things and allowing myself to evolve and rejuvenate
-M's husband saying i can have his bike back
-how doll-like my cats are
-great film work
-ordering a new hoodie and getting it today
-ordering new sneakers
-getting a pedicure and how nice it feels to do nice things for myself again
-how nice it fees to be going to the laundromat regularly
-my mom cleaning my place today
-laughing
-going to the storage unit today and getting my place emptied more
-sweet messages from the friend who sends me money
-doing 2 interviews the last 2 days
-going through and throwing a lot of stuff away. decluttering and becoming new.
--p cat enjoying his wheatgrass
-having compassion
-kind people
-learning
-being resourceful
-having really smooth, young skin
-looking so much younger then my age
-my sense of style
-having desires
-deeper reflecting
-journaling
-easing into normality just a bit
-newness