GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-listening to heart chakra music
-doing all the jobs i have this month
-my last job going pretty well
-confirming more jobs going into next month as well
-treating myself to a glass of wine break at my last job and how delicious that wine was and how nice it was to do something for me and do something like i used to do before my life got what feels like stolen from me
-drinking water
-going to whole foods again, and one of the better locations and how nice that was. The selections of food options.
-making the decisions to go back on topamax after noticing i've been snacking a lot and seeing my snacking has cut back and i'm feeling full quicker again and clothes are getting looser again and deducing the topamax works with my bupropion for me and being off an ssri is needed. It's all synergistic and i need to pay attention to how i react to these meds.
-new scrunchies i ordered for variety
-a nice journaling session the other day and filling out the journal to where it's out of pages now
-fashion
-learning about why things happen so i can troubleshoot such as my eyebrows issue i've been having with first deciding i needed a darker eyebrow makeup color then learning eyebrows lighten with age and i might need to get a procedure done soon such as microblading which i've been considering for awhile anyways
-getting flirted with more often and offered things again
-my angel friend J being there for me this year
-cleaning wipes
-baby wipes
-how smart, cute and beautiful my cats are
-ordering my buy one get one free juvederm card in time for the sale they were having
-budgeting and seeing what i was spending way too much on and to cut out
-how moisturizing the palmer's body lotion i use now is and that it does seem to repel bugs
-cleaning last night
-techno music to motivate me to be productive
-follow my higher self to take a break and not go to the job i had on saturday and sunday and finding out what a wreck it was and seeing i made the right decision
-blankets
-night skies
-friendly people
-peaceful sounds
-discovering new things
-botox
-deciding to get the botox brow lift to fix my eye area this week
-my abs being sore from working my abs the other day
-going to the laundromat
-getting my eyebrows threaded
-newness
-moving forward
-clean teeth
-the way summer sounds
-realizing i was swayed into thinking my anxiety meds are bad and i shouldn't be on them which made me want to prove i could be off of them which is why i tried to be off of them and i detoxed but ultimately with my ptsd, and severe panic attacks i am someone who should be on them and at a adequate dose. On them, i am physically comfortable, facial tics i sometimes get from anxiety go away. I can do things i normally have an extremely hard time doing with ease and i feel collected and coherent. These meds changed my life a few years ago, and i was brainwashed suddenly one day that i shouldnt be on them. I can't take care of my cats, and myself as well without them. At least not right now with everything going on. I troubleshoot better with them. It's the right thing to do to be on them. I'm a better me. I am glad i proved to myself i could be off them and examined the idea.
-sleep
-showering more often again
-hyaluronic acid serums
-perspective on things
-reflecting on things
-my acupressure slippers
-getting cat treats for my cats
-getting better at cutting out people who aren't doing anything for me
-my red light therapy wand
-face massage
-having beautiful eyes
-having a baby face
-social worker from lcbh reaching out to me
-updating my resume
-sunshine
-being resourceful
-my looks improving a little
-my eyes looking healthier
-having made a new female friend at work recently
-meeting new people
-looking a good amount younger than i am
-selling my perfume set on poshmark
-my lint roller
-my sense of humor
-lysol spray
-entertainment
-learning
-positive affirmations
-prayer
-colors
-good luck omens
-healing problems i've had
-growing as a person
-scalp massage
-my talents
-getting offers for first career opportunities
-fun ideas opportunities given to me
-trying to better myself
-fun
-things to be grateful for
-that this year has been better than last year
-canned mountain dew
-art
-great design
-creativity
-beauty
-my beauty

[buttercup]

-strong synchronicity that neighbor J is going to contact me and see me again
-pillows and my headboard pillow
-processing my feelings of why neighbor J was being the way he is and my attachment to him
-getting my botox brow lift
-sleep
-ativan
-going back on topamax and losing 2 lbs of weight from the extra snacking so far
-vitamin water
-the delicious protein bars i worked for that i had extra of and brought home the other day and had one of tonight
-entertainment
-making a new instagram post
-my new charms i got, the ring pop and another four leaf clover
-my beauty products
-compliments
-getting offered more things by guys
-the coppery tones in my hair looking really good
-blankets
-colors
-the church stairs where i like to sit down and reflect and meditate
-drinking water
-moisturizers
-hair ties
-sunshine
-love in my heart
-making decisions on things
-physical exercise
-toning exercises
-neck stretches
-budgeting my money to see where it went
-having a new checking account
-getting approved for secured credit cards and starting to feel like that might be the move
-feeling more ambitious and wanting to dress more feminine again and with more effort
-my cactus flower moisturizer
-cleaning the floor yesterday by where i have some clothes
-going to therapy today
-finding out the court date from paralegal
-having nice eyes
-applying to jobs
-lysol
-wine
-my friend sending me a microwave he ordered me off amazon since mine broke from the cats knocking it off the table
-having a nice chest
-music
-compassion
-working on raising my vibration
-working on getting my life back
-being more coherent
-being creative
-others finding me attractive
-making new friends
-being strong and doing what i want
-fashion
-having great taste
-socks

[buttercup]

-going to the hospital to find out what's wrong with me and get a doctor's note
-drinking water
-my fever breaking
-my power not shutting off and when logging off to pay it finding out that there was no longer a shut off notice, that a payment agreement had been made over a week or ago according to the electronic statement and i only owed a much lower amount and being able to pay that and how good it felt to be able to pay my utility bill, and a regular amount not just a teeny tiny amount for the first time in a while. a step towards normal, and getting back to my old life and building back.
-getting hummus at a store near the hospital since there is none in a 2 mile radius near my home for some reason
-my new hair color
-having baby face features
-moisturizers
-blankets
-my friend J randomly sending me money while i was sick for meds and using it to pay for my storage uniit
-my new black lace camisoles
-stretching
-my eyes looking no longer dead, really like they did this time last year or early this year even
-surrender
-clean clothes
-the lady at the laundromat giving me free detergent the other day saying i can owe her when i was going to just pay for the overpriced from her
-ativan for calming me down
-letting myself process my feelings of "neighbor boy" and that it makes me sad he ceased contact for me even if it doesnt make sense for me to be that sad, even if it's illogical. letting myself just feel it.
-my new unicorns in space journal for the new mood/vibe i wanted to go for
-socks
-cleaning wipes
-my new glow in the dark cash app debit card i designed in the app. it also no longer has cash out fees because i can just use it as the debit card.
-having my capital one debit card now too
-being approved for my capital one secured credit card, just need to put the deposit on it.
-listening to chakra music today
-sleep
-realizing more about my likes, from neighbor boy
-having at least a smidge of fun this year
-meeting new people this year and social connections
-walking a lot the other week and exploring some of the college campuses
-taking the bus to the post office with the hours i needed and being right by by nami deciding to walk over and finally accomplishing that goal by therapist wanted me to of knowing how to get there by bus, and deciding to walk home which was nice
-getting new inspiration from others
-great prices
-starbucks apple crisp macchiato
-fashion
-art
-friendly people
-helpful people
-compassion
-beauty
-having great cleavage
-making progress and change this year
-earning pre-♥♥♥♥♥ income in august
-starting to have source of income again to show for
-beauty products
-trying new things
-remembering fun
-trying to have a tad of joy here and there again
-M being a little more open,leniant with how much money she's been giving me lately
-my friend J sending me a new microwave right away after finding out my cats broke the one i had, and somehow a very similar one i had, similar color! I don't recall even showing him the color i had before but maybe i did.
-botox
-how cute and funny my cats are
-love
-goals
-expanding myself as a person
-finally ordering a soup pan after M decided to give me money to order one
-having a great sense of style
-powerades
-peaceful sounds
-ibuprofen
-being stronger than months ago, getting stronger
-being assertive
-ordering a new toy for my cats that looks so outrageous and fun that i think they'll like, a 4 way tunnel
-sunshine
-having a great sense of style
-going by the lake the other week while at work and how peaceful that was
-new adventures
-movies to watch that feel good or are interesting
-prayer
-affirmations
-sweeping the floor some yesterday
-febreeze room spray
-feeling close to being able to start looking for an apartment again
-riding my bike to visit my feral cats recently
-manifesting a text from M's husband after complaining in text to him why can't i get updates about the cats and then him giving me an update
-face massage
-allergan selling gift cards again so i can easily envelope my funds for services now by buying gift cards and stacking them up saving up

[buttercup]

-my work i used to do that i want to want to return to that gave me so many opportunities, clout, and ability to make an impression
-trying to be a good person and do the right thing
-new things and experimenting with new themes, moods and vibes, even colors
-trying out fall drinks and foods from starbucks and the like such as tonight the pumpkin spice iced latte
-finally getting a new pot so i can start making soups again and go on a soup
-becoming more assertive again now that i've gotten a little stronger again
-giving in and buying myself a marc jacobs bag
-having great fashion sense
-the job that let me go unfairly(the client) paying me for all the days even the ones i didn't work and my uber i sent receipt for which was a pleasant suprise
-new experiences
-getting neck botox
-compliments
-getting the black work sneakers i wanted to order
-soups
-my primary putting me back on b-12 prescriptions
-appreciating my cats
-being smart
-being creative
-being myself
-being open to new things-being smart
-being creative
-being myself
-being open to new things
-peaceful sounds like summertime sounds, middle of the night train sounds etc
-reassurances
-losing weight again
-hummus
-good bread
-getting perspective on things with my appearance
-cuteness
-reflection
-meeting a cat last night and hanging out with the cat and feeding the cat, petting the cat, etc
-cleaning wipes
-movies
-sleep
-having goals
-having nice eyes
-positive affirmations
-prayer
-walking more
-drinking water
-sunshine
-makeup
-social support
-music
-hyaluronic acid
-new ways of thinking of things
-evolving as a person
-scrunchies
-handwash
-moisturizers
-ibuprofen
-setting intention
-b cat wanting to cuddle with me and coming to sit on me sometimes
-my paralegal from lcbh
-blankets
-the power of love
-my sephora account finally getting fixed
-therapy sessions

[buttercup]

-things starting to flow a little more since deciding to listen to spirituality podcasts like wayne dyer on a almost daily basis. feeling people a little more drawn to me, and connected to me to i think.
-jobs opening back up
-my weight getting back down to it's lowest in the last 2 years, and that it was in late july again, finally
-being back on my b-12 shots
-making sure to go in and get my b-12 shot today believing it would help me
-not really eating cheese that i can remember for almost a week now
-the cat tunnel i got for my cats and b cat going in it more now too
-sending a cat bed and treats to l cat
-getting a cat bed for my cats
-getting a call from the agency that had the client want me off the job in early august want to book me for a job. I didn't get back to them in time, but it was good to see i really wasn't blacklisted.
-trying to drink more water
-eating soups with my new soup pot
-how much better it feels my place being clean and mopped and learning cleaning ideas from housecleaner coming here
-p cat calming down after whining a lot the day after housecleaner was here and stuff was moved around and taking him outside and walking with him like a baby to calm him down
-confirming 2 jobs the other day with an agency
-doing a training with another agency and then confirming 8 jobs with them
-getting a lip flip
-lip scrubs
-inspiration behind what can be done with antiaging with fillers, supplements, exercise, botox, and so on
-my new hair color
-posting a new current selfie of myself
-being over j neighbor guy, having processed my feelings on that
-vegan food
-going for a walk last night to ground myself
-doing a resistance training session at home and getting really sore from it
-sunshine
-babywipes
-techno music
-makeup
-my new eyebrow makeup i use that makes my eyebrows look thicker, darker, and longer
-lip sleeping masks
-fashion
-staying back on topamax to get my weight where i want it
-prayer
-scrunchies
-ativan
-finding papers i was looking for last night
-letting myself cry out my feelings of anger and hurt on my walk last night
-my new unicorn journal
-getting an email about work i've done and using that as an opportunity to follow up on my bonus i never got, and getting it today
-seeing my cats curled up together and deciding to lay next to them and waking up feeling very cozy
-therapy sessions
-trying to be productive despite how tired i've been feeling and unorganized
-making a plan to see l cat
-beauty
-peaceful sounds
-being in such a better place than i was 6-8 months ago
-having gorgeous eyes
-healing my metabolism
-my chanel foundation
-the positive changes i've made in my life this year
-tear trough filler
-having source of income now
-perspective about my flaws
-acupressure slippers
-deciding i need to get myself an inexpensive fall jacket and doing so the other day
-face massage
-the work i've put in to improve my circumstances
-trying to stay consistent and determined to change my circumstances
-having someone to help me with apartment relocating
-trying to be strong
-trying to be smart
-trying to be open
-trying to be positive
-newness
-friendliness

[buttercup]

-staying determined to do my walk despite my scare tonight
-loving my cats despite them driving me crazy and interrupting my sleep
-doing laundry
-my new hair color
-my weight being a little less and being less then it was this time last year
-hair ties and and doing high ponytails lately
-a new pic to post on social media
-skinny pop popcorn
-fashion
-listening to positive and spiritual audios to give my mind good brain food
-confirming more jobs today
-feeling like the world is becoming a little friendlier
-doing what i need to do, to take care of my cats
-b-12 shots
-writing more in my new unicorn journal
-entertainment
-hyaluronic acid
-having lovely eyes
-feeling more attractive than i did last year
-that i think a cashier at the walgreens might have a crush on me
-my new marc jacobs bag
-manifesting 2 marc jacobs, getting a 2nd one the very next day
-getting refunds on the things i need refunds on
-having elegance
-my past accomplishments
-my first career things i've done
-nightskies
-my new brown duster sweater
-my creativity and resourcefulness
-ativans to take to calm me down
-my sense of style
-meeting a pharmacist who was wearing a little four leaf clover who mentioned meeting a lady at the nearby school who knew of a place with a field of 4 leaf clovers and that she makes the thing she was wearing and she'd remember to get one for me for next time she seen me after telling her my story of how i always have good luck after seeing four leaf clovers. I already considered it good luck however just seeing hers.
-leveling up
-moisturizing
-washing my blanket to have since the weather is becoming cooler
-ordering a pet safe humidity adding plant just now since the last one i tried to order became unavailable and it happens to be called money tree which sounds like good luck
-organizing one of the piles and clearing a path that was blocking things for my cats and stressing me out a little too
-realizing and accepting i found out neighbor boy's secret and it's as simple as that
-clean clothes
-ordering a budget retinol from reputable trendy label
-trying to be productive
-inspiration
-being talented
-my neck being smaller
-meeting some of my goals
-topamax seeming to work for me in conjunction with wellbutrin
-trying to be a good person
-being healthier than i was this time last year
-having sophistication
-botox
-colors
-light
-my face getting more thinner
-learning things
-having a kind heart
-makeup
-updating things such as resume, social media's etc

[buttercup]

-having had cool and interesting life experiences
-taking care of my skin
-deodorant
-appreciating p cat
-my grounding walks i go on
-my new journal
-journaling
-how hot i find neighbor boy
-my new marc jacobs bag
-calculating my august earnings
-reflecting on things
-having a better perspective on things such as earnings for september
-having a job this week
-drinking water
-taking zinc and vitamin d
-trying to do more toning, strength exercises
-entertainment
-ativan
-moisturizer
-my hair ties and pulling my hair up in a high pony tail
-making an effort to do things despite how low and drained i felt today
-M saying M's husband would drop off stamps and ibuprofens today
-calling back the apartment locator lady today
-my abs feeling sore from toning work the other day
-my hair color
-botox
-having goals
-evolving as a person
-listening to spiritual/positive audios
-my neck looking smaller
-chivalry
-my arms looking smaller
-updating my linkedin
-trying out putting my cat's food on a plate vs bowl to see if they like that better
-getting a partial refund for the housecleaning job recently
-a check coming last night
-sunshine
-nightskies
-my elegance
-my creativity
-my intelligence
-getting my body stronger
-prayer
-

[buttercup]

-doing my written affirmations tonight, and deciding to start doing them DAILY or at least almost daily again
-wearing my new marc jacobs bag out tonight
-doing a decent job of eating a low amount of food today
-drinking water
-moisturizer
-wearing brow makeup today
-going to starbucks and getting an apple croissant and apple macchiato to get out of the house for a bit
-buying stamps so i can try and mail my medical letter to secretary of state
-p cat laying by me which is really cute
-noticing when i stayed up and didn't go to sleep, p cat didn't whine at all proving even more he only is whining because i go to sleep
-new experiences
-getting new job potential job offers
-my quilt being clean and the fresh from the machine smell
-buying baby aspirin finally
-getting money in just in time to pay my storage unit without getting a late fee
-my body getting more toned
-my arms looking smaller
-going for my walks which make me feel grounded and motivated and making them longer
-clipping p cat's nails since he may have gotten out of hand a little with b cat earlier
-my plant coming the other day
-ativan
-walking home earlier
-laughing at funny things early in the morning and tonight that had me dying of laughter for some reason
-unpacking neighbor boy some more by asking people questions and trying to process stuff because all of it has just been so weird to me
-changing the litter box
-cleaning the papers mess the cats made in the hallway
-nightskies
-how peaceful the rain was by my window tonight
-ideas
-watching a movie tonight that was kind of nice
-coming up with witty, smart things i'd say, will say in court, want to do if asked and just want to make sure is said/done.
-inspiration
-stretching
-having a kind heart
-baby wipes
-my maturity
-trying to change things and clean up my vibe
-finding a card to send my dad that looks cool and thoughtful
-having a book i want to order for my dad for his birthday i think he'd like about synchronicity

[buttercup]

-deciding to snack tonight and not care since i have to stay up all night and to use it to keep me going, buying jalapeno cheetos, ordering dominos etc
-drinking water
-taking care of my skin
-eating a lot less food lately
-finding out i am a new donor at the other place i was donating at
-deciding i really have to let go of knowing what happened with neighbor guy i liked because there is just nothing happening. he ghosted me suddenly. there was some stuff i did, he was giving some signs of being a certain way possibly and there may be another girl and i can't tell if she came right at the same time as me, right after, or was around the whole time. I just know i felt something real, he was nice to me then he completely disappeared and even my desire to "poke the bear" though safely so gets no response. its like he may have blocked me, but i feel like he may not have, and he still follows me on ig, and i think he monitors his following a little not that i think that means a lot but the whole thing is a little weird, but mostly just unfair, because clearly it's something where he just doesn't want to bother saying anything to me which is hurtful and i think that's either spite or trouble communicating. and, it hurts because it makes me think he wasn't that interested and he didn't like me as much as i thought and why do other guys like me so much then someone like him not that interested, even though he did seem very interested at one point. i hardly knew him and it wasn't fair he just ghosted me since we were talking like acquaintances and neighbors for awhile before we hung out
-my clean, cozy blanket
-that after today's court i can start sleeping normally again
-my new brown duster sweater cardigan
-getting some things done tonight and with the next few hours i have this morning before court
-seeing M's husband the other day and how great that felt. It uplifted my mood. He dropped off some painkillers and there was no awkwardness or negative vibes and we talked about the feral cats or about 20-30 minutes
-my face slimming out
-my body slimming out
-my clothes fitting looser
-how great it felt to have a normal moment with M's husband dropping by, just knowing he was there again, it felt so in the flow like everything will be ok i just have to go with the flow.
-showering today
-being told i was young the other day
-being told i was beautiful the other day
-being told i "they've been waiting for that" referring to kissing me by someone all these 3 comments by different people
-watching movies and how comforting that can be
-my angel friend J the author cash-apping me $50 over the weekend
-how receptive B cat is to me
-being told i have a feminine voice by someone, or very feminine voice or something like that
-being a pretty girl
-my face starting to look more and more attractive again
-my lips looking really nice
-having really nice eyes
-having nice cheekbones
-good lighting
-newness
-having great style
-botox
-taking my omegas vitamins
-being smart
-my new journal
-doing written affirmations
-getting the cat tunnel playpen for my cat's so we can go outside without them jumping too far or risky
-cleaning wipes
-taking notes
-my femininity
-taking care of my spirit
-my beauty
-my maturity
-ideas
-flavors of fall season
-learning
-powerades
-remembering my roots again
-becoming more attractive
-hair ties
-calmness
-healing
-feeling like little by little my life will return to normal
-remembering flow of life, and trying to go with it
-being a thoughtful person
-new experiences

[buttercup]

-working today my first job for an agency very similar to the one who unfairly let me go by forcing me to "take a break" but then never letting me come back but this one pays better and having it go mostly well and breaking my dry spell of work again
-doing my red light therapy wand this morning
-drinking more water
-powerades
-my eyes looking healthier
-doing more journaling,writing exercises lately
-taking better care of my hygiene then last year
-p cat eating the cat grass i got him
-updating my style aesthetic
-my hair being more hydrated from changing the shampoo i use
-my injector offering me a discount for when im ready to get tear trough filler
-makeup
-looking so much younger than my age
-washing my winter coat
-getting my new donor process done at the place i used to go to so i can start going there again
-b cat wanting to cuddle with me earlier today on my lap and how nice that felt
-moisturizers
-looking a little skinnier than i used to
-listening to some new youtube audio/podcast things lately for brain food and learning that i've enjoyed and gotten good info from
-how beautiful my city is at night
-visualizing and imagining and daydreaming my new apartment the other night and how nice it felt, to also feel a little direction too towards it
-the colorful cat toys in the house and how funny and cute they are, they make me smile and laugh
-that i'm starting to sell more, get better at selling on poshmark than i used to
-manifesting a text from neighbor boy J after getting upset processing my feelings after court thinking about the kind of person i think he is then falling asleep and waking up to a strange text from him.i am over him. it really upset me how he was to me and that it made me question myself so much that how could someone seem so into me then seem completely not. It made me think lots of things that made me not like him
-deciding to use ambition and goals as my fuel as "revenge against the world" sort of mantra
-the neck botox i got and how much it improved my appearance and confidence
-having great style
-watching movies
-new ideas
-staying very eyes on the prize and focused
-talking with people and hearing their story
-music
-my maturity
-being put in the erp program in court, and not having another court date until next month
-reflection on things, seeing how things change and progress and so on
-having goals and things to strive for
-my humidifier arriving and i think making a difference in the air, my sinuses and skin
-having a nurturing heart
-joining credit repair programs in my determination to have good credit again
-great deals
-prayer
-cuteness
-being a kind person
-being smart
-being resourceful
-being productive
-this beautiful black cat and four leaf clover card i bought off etsy i got for my dad's birthday
-sending my dad my favorite book on serendipity for his birthday since he's been lowkey interested in the topic for years and i think he'd like it
-laughing because sometimes life is so insane it's funny
-marion helping me
-compassion
-hope
-the new brown duster sweater i got
-having a young voice