GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-deep cleansing breathes
-stretching
-water
-art
-creativity
-inspiration
-style
-meditating today
-french fries
-finding out by checking my account,that M had transferred some money in it yesterday
-all the job's ive been confirming
-prayer
-realizing it's probably the meds that is why i've felt like crap the last few days. And,learning I do need to be on antidepressant for my OCD.
-the internet
-coffee
-so many lately wanting to accomodate me and meet closer to me and even give me a ride when i have to meet up
-my goals and desires
-laughing
-pinterest
-facebook
-myspace
-twitter
-instagram
-newness
-reinvention
-fashion
-weather being unexpectedly warmer then i thought and a lot of snow melting
-enjoying an savoring the night air for a couple minutes
-my body losing weight

[buttercup]

still feel like there's a dark cloud over me and my body has felt weak and sore and my head feels so heavy.i think ive had like 2 mini panic attacks in my sleep and once in the car on my way home. I really do need to listen the doctors a little more. Both times i tried to get off a different type med or take extra,it was always a bad mistake. im' just taking it easy the next few days and being easy on myself.
-yoga
-doing my job today
-being easy on myself. Had another bdd episode that to me,to be able to work through it is hard. I think it plays a key part in why I didn't do more,sometimes. Intrusive thoughts are such an energy sucker. I used to take showers like 5 times a day sometimes just because my energy lowered and now it's more naps. At least now I know what my main issue is.
-T kitten for making me laugh
-person i worked with bringing us some water which is great because then i was able to take my pills which quieted things a little and took my headache away.
-coffee
-fashion and style. i've been so fashion obsessed lately.
-seeing how much H kitten has opened up. He still gets very nervous and doesn' like to be picked up but he walks right in the house sometimes,lets me rub his stomach,and walks me to the door to show me he wants back out now.
-hearing news that another person,a neighbor 4 houses down saying she's seen our outdoor cats and that they come in her yard sometimes and she feeds them,too.
-my cheetah print cardigan
-finding new inspirations
-reinvention
-makeup
-another day without soda.
-heels
-meeting my goals and manifesting my desires.
-scalp message
-ordering myelf a teddy bear hairbrush that was super cute
-partner at job today picking up the kit and dropping it off which saved me a trip
-how nice it felt to sit outside a for a couple minutes and enjoy the nightskies
-water
-la croix

[buttercup]

been taking it easy since i havent been feeling so good. My head has felt heavy,my body week and my mind just so overwhelmed from the intrusive thoughts. I feel very stressed by it and like there is a dark cloud over me. I'm never throwing out my antidepressants again.
-entertainment
-beauty
-going to whole foods today
-winning and getting what i want
-unique beauty
-scalp massage
-going to look for s kitten today and posting more flyers
-yoga
-creative expression
-my phone
-pictures
-nightskies
-sweaters
-T kitten and how cute he is and how he always makes me laugh
-listening to the sound of water
-hot guys
-eye stretches
-feeling more and more rerooted back to myself
-getting a dentist appointment
-gong outside last night and seeing T kitten sleeping with mom cat. So adorable and love to see her bonding with them,especially since she is always wacking all her children.
-newness and positive changes
-all the upcoming jobs,meetings,etc
-deep cleansing breaths
-chlorophyll
-gin gins
-my beauty products
-that i almost can finally get the face cream i've had on mind for awhile now
-being smart
-being creative
-pinterest
-oneness
-starting to find cola kind of gross tasting now
-quiet
-W cat letting me hold. He is such a cuddle bug
-waking up early today
-having nice eyes
-being able to see
-having nice hair
-being able to work in the industries i do
-colors
-laughing
-talent
-freedom
-one of my exes agreeing to see me.
-coffee
-water
-culture
-my goals and desires

[buttercup]

I cannot even believe i used to feel like this on a regular basis. My intrusive thoughts have been out of control. I ended up not going to my class the other day and today pretty much stayed in bed all day and slept a lot. It just sucks the life out of me and i feel like i want to lay low until it's over.The good thing is i got off one of my meds that i feared going off of because i thought i needed it to sleep,and ive managed to sleep fine,maybe even better as i'm dreaming a lot less(thank god) and waking up without as much of a struggle. I also just feel a little more like me again,so i think it's good i stay off this med,it's just a matter of getting the anti depressant right as so far the paxil isn't doing anything for me but making me depressed. im just unbelievably stressed.
-sleep and sleeping fine without the quetiapine
-sweaters
-orange juice
-coffee
-going to my dentist appointment today
-finding out my insurance does cover the surgery i need
-still meeting my cut down on soda goals. didnt drink any today and felt fine. however,la croix nicola flavor is not so good so i wont be getting that one again
-la croix
-cats. T kitten sleeping with me.We have such a strong bond. H cat sleeping with us too for part of the time. Technically H cat is still a kitten too. He is from the 2nd litter.
-blankets
-yoga.i did ten minutes before starting this and it did help me a little bit to calm my mind
-ex A and i speaking to each other again.
-self compassion
-art
-humor
-creativity
-all the money to be coming in soon
-breaks
-the internet
-cool people
-inspiration

[buttercup]

managed to lift myself out of the dark funk i was in a little bit.
-sunshine
-deciding to go to work today if for no other reason to help me get out of my funk and get back to myself a little
-the weather being warmer then i expected today.
-T kitten and how much he loves me
-all the cats that come to our yard and have made it their home.
-chlorophyll
-M buying me a brownie the other day from starbucks
-the new mouthwash i've been using which is supposed to help dry mouth
-deciding that i really dont want or need to be on an antipsychotic after being off it for the last few days and still being able to sleep.
-pants getting looser on me
-my job i have coming up this weekend
-blankets
-sweaters
-rest
-compassion for self
-yoga
-TV episodes online
-deep cleansing breaths
-sitting with myself for a little bit and sorting out my intrusive thoughts which was what really helped lift my mood
-kind people
-nightskies
-my beauty products
-dreaming less ever since stopping quetiapine. so nice.
-manifesting my desires
-seeing G at yoga studio. was very weird since i hadnt seen him in months.i was completely over him though at this point and didnt feel anything about it
-getting a ride to work
-seeing the joy/amusement in life.i had to go to laundromat because washing machine is broke and the laundromat was always one of those weird ones that stood out,and going in i couldn't help but be amused.i felt like i was in another country. the whole setup was so bright and colorful it reminded me of being in japan or tokyo. it was very interesting.
-becoming more confident and competant
-uber
-nonconformity
-my new teddy bear hairbrush

[buttercup]

funny how i start to get myself out of my funk just a little bit,and someone starts giving me ---- That threw me off all last night and today. on top of that,just minutes ago,i found out breaking news that is huge that i know ex's parents arent going to be happy about,at all. seeing what i seen made me feel a weird mix of smug amusement and sad for my ex. apparently...his gf is pregnant. i can just imagine him freaking out right now. I warned him so much about how she is. hopefully it is wrong or a false alarm,i guess.
-sleep. it's all i've wanted to do all week. I've slept like 20 hours a day some days,it feels like.
-my new hair color
-doing a job for primary career and how good that feels in some ways,though in other ways i feel too old for it,not in looks but in years that have passed on since the last time i did a job like that.
-making it to work on time today,even though i woke up super late and almost was late,i ended up perfectly on time.
-having model looks
-compliments
-T kitten and how happy he makes me
-bringing T kitten in even for only 5 minutes today which helped me feel a lot better
-creativity
-love
-self reassurance with my ocd thoughts
-all the walking i did the past days. good natural exercise.
-kind people
-cucumber water. seems to be a theme with hair jobs lately. i've grown to like the taste,though i don't like cucumbers.
-my heart's desires and goals
-getting the vouchers printed tonight
-that it's spring time
-that T kitten has been wanting to spend more time outside anyways
-beauty in life
-pronoia

[buttercup]

-seeing the good in the bad
-sleep
-feeling slightly more normal today
-bringing T kitten in room even just for a little bit and how good that feels
-being smart
-seeing the universe bend to what i want and what i am going through via the law of attraction and how interesting it is. for example,seeing someone i know mentioning raising an outdoor cat they adopted from a shelter
-being done with the job i started last saturday
-how good it feels to do those jobs again from primary career
-having new hair
-being appreciated
-the goody bag i got filled with so many hair products
-stretches
-art
-style
-design
-creativity
-T kitten sitting on my lap on the porch earlier
-seeing my unique features becoming more mainstream and accepted.
-seeing old mental blocks being gone now
-having a large chest. im in shock when i see pictures of myself
-clients liking my look
-twitter
-the hummus on the last day of my last job
-putting a litter box outside for T kitten
-going looking for S kitten today
-seeing ANOTHER tiger striped kitten that looked like it'd be about S kitten's size run out of the yard and W cat following the kitten which was odd. Idk if it was the same tiger striped cat from a week ago or what but it definitely seemed like signs.
-nightskies
-feeling T kitten was nice and warm when he came up to me one of the times yesterday. I think he was in one of the shelters that the shelter gave us that we had inside the scaffold shelter
-seeing some materials available to purchase to leaflet about a cause i am passionate about,including something in spanish which is perfect so i ordered it.
-realizing before i didn't use to feel like i give enough and now these days i do feel like my giving side is more balanced which is nice

[buttercup]

-chlorophyll
-coffee
-popsicles
-water
-some cuddle time with T kitten
-all the funny things T kitten does that makes me laugh and that all the cats do
-dental floss
-clorox wipes
-nightskies
-reflection
-catching up on emails and calls a little bit
-creativity
-positive possibilties
-remembering bliss
-fashion
-art
-working in a creative industry
-the fields i work in
-cuteness
-beauty
-inspiration
-smiling
-stomach getting flatter
-deep cleansing breaths
-meds to take when i feel my moods waning
-yoga stretches
-deep cleansing breaths
-gently allowing wellbeing and positivity back in
-the cat houses outside
-the weather getting nicer
-talent
-orange flavorings
-happy memories
-having lived a lot of cool experiences
-my heart chakra spray

[buttercup]

slept all day and missed everything i had to do today.

-chlorophyll
-having one of those moments where i realized i need to make more decisions. something last night just triggered me to ask myself what decisions have i made lately.
-having a strange feeling of almost bliss this morning when everything went wrong,feeling memories of things manifested that i desired and presence for things that made me happy,and that even if certain things happened like losing my job at the yoga studio,everything would be ok,and feeling an enjoyment of quiet and possibility. it's made me realize i really need to embrace quiet more and getaway and do some kind of retreat or break.
-having a kind heart
-compassion for self
-sleep
-talent
-art
-creativity
-goals
-entertainment
-my weight going down naturally.
-sweaters
-T kitten
-my outdoor cats
-positivity
-having pizza without cheese and fries for dinner
-my beauty products
-doing a no soda day with ease yesterday. didn't even have lacroix
-orange flavorings
-sweet soda i had today
-the cat houses outside being warm for my cats
-the happy possibilties of summer
-hope
-yoga pants
-whenever i see T kitten happy and playing
-ideas

[buttercup]

-getting a little lifted out of my depressive funk
-getting that time of the month
-healthy digestion
-midol
-fashion
-being done with out of the house jobs for a few days
-sweaters
-the internet
-sweet soda
-naps
-seeing P kitten after getting worried from not seeing her yet today or last night
-makeup
-music
-silence seeming to be broken between me and M,though she did say things to me twice in the last week
-deep cleansing breaths
-intense wanderlust especially towards being in southern california
-happy thoughts and my mind wandering towards happy daydreams a few times the last few days
-water
-that it's springtime
-positive inner knowings
-sunshine
-warmer weather
-seeing T kitten doing well and being happy
-stretches
-getting the 2nd drawer cleaned and organized after meaning to do it for like two weeks
-sleeping less today
-relaxation
-my hair
-M getting me a brownie from starbucks
-getting more comfortable exploring life
-hearing crime in my city has been down for the last two months
-uber
-inspiration
-T cat's ears starting to look better
-seeing W cat and E cat sitting together on the neighbor's porch chair. those two are like soulmates.
-creativity
-art
-being able to create
-seeing a lot of signs s kitten will be returning
-money coming in
-fun
-remembering fun
-greenery