GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-being an artist
-doing my job yesterday and finally feeling like a ----- again
-how great the makeup was at my job yesterday
-how amazing the quality is on my camera phone.i took behind the scene pictures that looked like pictures on a professional camera! eerie.
-how amazing i look on the new phone camera. i took selfies today and the last few days and the camera just makes it so much easier. my skin looks amazing on them!
-being in a creative industry
-music
-art
-being a creative person
-getting several great shots of what i was trying to create the other day
-cool phone apps
-inspiration
-how freaking amazing the weather was today.
-making a list of all the fun summer things i'd love to do this year
-sweet soda
-food at my job being provided the other day. they also brought coffee and wine.
-having T kitten in the house for a bit today and him cuddling up on my bed
-having a dream of T cat being back.
-my room being clean
-having nice curves
-looking like a model
-fashion
-friendly people
-kind-heartedness
-having a kind heart
-beauty
-makeup
-glamour
-great views
-security guards in buildings
-trying to take loving myself actions
-instagram
-twitter
-facebook
-having a lot going for me
-seeing my money has been sent and should be in my account anyday now
-touch
-physical exercise
-backbends
-people who are kind to animals
-trying to be stronger and raising my vibe
-flip-flops
-realizing i am better then i think i am
-M getting me a brownie the other day
-self compassion
-fun
-being smart
-hot guys
-positive/soothing self talk
-water

[buttercup]

-inspiration,innovation,and new things to try
-sunshine and how good the warm sun felt on me
-finally getting the curtains i've been wanting
-going to work today even though i didn't want to
-fashion and style
-seeing people trying to do things to make me feel better
-having nice,healthy looking teeth
-iced coffee
-positive/reassuring self talk
-my beauty
-being an artist
-doing the cleaning i wanted to do
-new ideas
-deep cleansing breaths
-orangeade vitamin water
-feeling more excited for life again
-quiet
-laying down
-colors
-vibrancy
-himalayn pink salt flavored ghee butter
-squats
-physical exercise
-sleep
-waking up feeling well rested today
-pillows
-ashwagandha
-checking things off my to-do list
-water
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-how amazing the quality on my phone camera is
-instagram
-feeling rejuvenated
-my ysl volupte tint lipstick
-my room being clean
-being talented
-putting money in my savings
-the fan in my room

[buttercup]

have had such strange nightmares in the last 24 hours. this morning,there was different people who kept trying to put a snake on me. My best friend from h.s was in the dream in the beginning. I kept trying to run away from the people. I even was running past a two headed large dog. I then found myself going down through a playground to get away and the person following me did end up getting the snake on me,and there was a general feeling in the dream of intuitive thought between me and the others that it's not going to harm me. I then woke up. I think the dream was a psychic dream. I was thinking of R from my past a lot before bed and alot of the dream symbolisms had to do with him. The h.s best friend is the girl who knows him as well. We met him at the same time,she became his friend's girlfriend,and ended up sharing a connection with him as well that i envied. Me and R,when we had our experience that was my first sexual experience,it was at a park in a playground,very similar looking to the one in my dream. There was other things too that made me think right away this connected to him somehow but i dont remember anymore. Tonight,I ended up taking a nap,and had a dream that I found a letter in my father's closet of a child's drawing my brother had made with a date saying when he planned to murder me. Now,looking back,I wonder if he was the one,or one of the people trying to put a snake on me in the dream this morning. My brother hates me for some reason. He has lots of anger issues. He was someone in 2015 I believed was psychic attacking me that I made a post about on here. I used to feel so much empathy for him until i realized his hate and anger towards me is just too much animosity. The last time we spoke was in September. He randomly texted me such ugly things included calling me a b---- and threatening to come to my house and harm me saying things like he would break my teeth and saying awful insults meant to make me feel bad myself...all i had done was texted him to check on him. I sometimes still worry about him and ask my parents how is he.

-getting positive inner knowings more and more about some things
-going to acupuncture today. the guy did tui na and cupping as well which felt amazing.
-the sweet taste of sugary soda
-uber-ing by myself to my appointment and back and enjoying the freedom of that,and the growing i am doing as a person
-the internet
-water
-coffee
-chlorophyll
-seeing little H kitten(or cat as he may be just about a year old now) popping his head in the door looking for me. so cute.
-donating a few dollars to hsus
-newness
-fashion
-hip openers
-having some cuddle time with T kitten
-calling up hospital billing to fix issue that they had
-my therapist calling today to check up on me
-confirming a few jobs for next month to exceed my current minimal financial goals
-becoming more and more financially abundant
-self compassion
-friendly people
-having nice lips
-having a illustrator who is excited and seems to be a fit for the concept i've been directing.
-ideas
-the industry i work in
-the color green
-listening to heart chakra solfeggios and thetas music playlist last night and a throat chakra and solfeggios playlist right now.
-pinterest
-vegan veggie burgers with mustard
-chickpeas curry
-sweeping my room
-keeping my room more cleaner lately and how much more clearer it helps my mind feel
-sunshine
-nice weather today
-the green grass,the green leaves on the trees
-oneness
-art
-my teddy bear hairbrush
-my docle&gabbana sunglasses
-my skin looking super good lately
-healing
-sweaters
-smiling
-checking things off my to-do list
-meditating last night
-praying last night
-silence
-my confidence growing
-my peacock print eyepillow
-doing some visualizing last night
-gratitude
-innocence
-love
-being appreciated and valued
-my phone
-seeing the law of attraction work in positive ways
-being easy on myself
-deep cleansing breaths
-relaxation
-mustard
-touch
-being smart
-forward movement
-models
-common ground amongst others who vibe with you
-TV episodes online
-project offers
-positive affirmations
-creativity
-softness
-feminine energy
-feeling more refreshed lately

[buttercup]

-the crown chakra and theta music playlist i'm listening to
-waking up early today
-getting a lot done today
-being in a pretty good mood mostly today
-the beautiful,summery weather today
-going to see my mom yesterday after having not seen her in months and how good it felt to L cat and B cat and also to get rid of the DVDS I had been wanting to get rid of
-sweet soda
-my check finally being deposited today
-ordering a new cute top for work or even social occasions
-ordering a certificate for a chemical peel
-my ysl lipstick
-my teddy bear hairbrush
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-showers
-ashwagandha
-physical exercise
-yoga
-having nice curves
-my vibe rising
-my curtains coming in the mail
-relaxation
-checking things off my to-do list
-TV episodes online
-ordering some food to be delivered and finding a great deal
-delivery commenting how it freaked him out all the cats on my lawn. lol. it is a pretty funny sight,it looks like a cat mob hanging out.
-music
-style
-my new phone
-coffee
-great deals
-new idea coming to me about how to make more space in my room
-my emotions
-meditating today
-peacock prints
-prayer
-gratitude
-visualizing after meditating
-ginger
-making a protein shake for lunch with ginger added to it
-feeling inspired to eating more nourishing again lately
-all the upcoming jobs and the insane amount of money i am making lately. i am definitely going to exceed how much i made last year,even despite the fact that i didnt start working paid again until may of last year so i have a head start to exceed anyways.
-reposting online ads about the missing cats
-T kitten and how sweet and adorable he is
-having a kind heart
-being a creative person
-sending emails out about upcoming projects
-applying to more jobs online
-flowers
-inspiration
-wanderlust
-switching to a new backpack/purse to wear for awhile and cleaning/organizing things out in the process of it.
-cleaning up room a bit
-room being cleaner lately
-doing my dishes
-attempting my phone calls i had to make today.
-sweaters
-the fan in my room
-colors
-fun
-cleaning out the crawlspace outside
-being smart
-having nice eyes
-having great cheekbones

[buttercup]

-seeing my artistic visions come to life! so exciting. this has been so artistically healing to see my poetic concept heavily based on last year's betrayal come to life in my artistic project. seeing the in progress photos on the artist's instagram today while at several job's today was such a mood boost. she nailed it.
-hip openers. seems these are my new "if i could do one yoga pose a day" go-to. they just seem to do so much for me.
-getting more motivated as the day went on today. enjoying my day,and having more pep in my step. it's amazing what the power of motivation does.
-taking a break in between job's since i had spare time and just sitting and working on doing some social media work on my 2nd business. felt good to do some work from my mobile and while on the go.
-my style
-my creativity
-fashion
-waking up early today
-feeling attractive and owning my beauty a little bit today
-spending some quality time with T kitten today and bringing him in the house for a bit. felt very nice.
-sunshine
-coffee
-sweet soda
-music
-art
-alcoholic beverages
-having a kind heart
-positive and soothing self talk
-weight slimming down a bit
-dinner
-my teddy bear hair brush
-makeup
-instagram
-my eyesight
-uber
-pinterest
-slowing down
-relaxation
-becoming present in the moment
-TV episodes online
-ideas
-having nice hair
-having nice teeth
-becoming more fearless
-the internet
-confidence growing
-helpful people
-friendly people
-getting my article complete last night
-healing
-my leopard print cardigan

[buttercup]

-iced coffee
-sugar
-brownies
-letting go
-vegan food
-maturity
-peace
-seeing my artistic visions come to life
-that blissful blue color of the sky when it's not completely fully dark yet or light yet
-taking less naps and being more rejuvenated lately
-being off antipsychotics
-great designs
-clothes feeling looser
-T kitten and how adorable he is
-all my outdoor cats
-TV episodes online
-motivation
-kindness
-waking up early
-vision
-creativity
-sunshine
-hip openers
-my phone
-the internet
-getting a new dentist appointment made
-doing some social media work
-updating my resume
-getting some of the recaps from work done
-relaxation
-great quotes
-movement
-cuteness
-expansion
-my prada candy perfume
-flowers
-hot guys
-love
-smiling
-oneness
-acting
-talent
-touch
-getting my new top i ordered in the mail
-deep cleansing breaths
-doing some coloring today and using M's husband's new colored pencils that have a ton of color options
-ideas
-my eyesight
-beauty
-my ambition

[buttercup]

-my new coffee regular of hazelnut iced almond milk latte with extra sugar
-nightskies
-the intense creative surge i've been feeling lately. i'm like on a creative high.
-resisting the urge to take antipsychotics. i had an ocd/anxiety attack and almost took a quetiapine pill to shut up my paranoid intrusive thoughts but instead i took some 5 inderal and a hydroxyzine and listened to some self hypnosis audio to chill myself out
-feeling more confident and like at any moment i can become really famous,and accomplish big dreams of mine i've been working towards.
-getting all the post job recaps done from weekend jobs
-cleaning my closet a little more and putting out another litter box outside for the cats
-bringing T kitten in my room after incident that triggered me was over,and cuddling with him a bit and seeing how cute he is sleeping and just chilling
-seeing my artistic visions come to life and how perfect they are
-music
-chlorophyll
-the delicious beyond chicken buffalo wrap from whole foods i had today for lunch
-sunshine
-beautiful weather today
-water
-waking up earlier lately
-taking less naps lately
-relaxation activities
-deep cleansing breaths
-sweet soda
-venting
-edginess
-posting a progress picture from my project on one of my social medias
-twitter
-instagram
-facebook
-becoming more confident on social media again finally,after like 7 or 8 years of pulling back inwards from it
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-patience
-seeing all the money i'm earning on the job portals
-my teddy bear hairbrush
-my phone
-newness
-being able to be part of something meaningful in another person's life. i found out the girl i collaborated on one of my artistic vision's with was so nervous and even had anxiety and cried that's how nervous she was.
-my creativity
-allowing my body to get stronger
-physical exercise
-warm showers
-kindness
-touch
-having had some great experiences in my life
-that tommorow is a new day
-creative expression
-my new curtains,they make my room look much nicer
-remembering the law of attraction
-positive/soothing self talk
-doing a little study for computer courses i've been taking
-doing a little reading
-awesome ideas

[buttercup]

-my eyeglasses
-coffee
-the fan in my room
-that beautiful,blissful blue color of the skies when it is nighttime/morning time but not 100% fully dark or light yet
-the internet
-etsy
-twitter
-instagram
-facebook
-listening to some solfeggios for the 2nd chakra
-deep cleansing breaths
-M's husband working so having the house to myself for awhile today
-having a lot of paid jobs coming up and making a lot of money
-having a really great journaling session this evening where i dug deeper into some core limiting beliefs that have bothered me for years and cleared away some stuff
-new,more positive perceptions
-my phone
-T kitten
-my beauty
-my self esteem becoming higher
-finishing my book up i had been reading
-doing a little studying on computer course i'm on
-hip openers
-backbends
-physical exercise
-deep stretch
-sunshine
-warm weather
-bananas
-smiling
-quiet
-chips
-L liked my status yesterday
-healthy digestion
-blueberrry waffles
-that an image of me will be in a soon to be published poetry book
-lip balm
-makeup
-my pca skin moisturizer i apply in the daytime
-orangeade water from whole foods
-nourishment
-catching up on my phone calls
-sleep
-peacefulness
-my vibe raising more and more again
-feeling like myself again
-being off antipsychotics
-another person getting back to me about a creative project i want to do
-pictures
-my eyesight
-feeling excited about life
-remembering times where i felt thrilled,excitement,happiness and so on
-updating my to-do list and checking things off of it
-sending out more emails for jobs
-positive and soothing self talk
-colors
-relaxing music
-self compassion

[buttercup]

it is a little hard quitting the yoga studio. after all the mess last year when best friend broke the news to me,this was the "normal" job i found and upon my first time walking in i felt so happy,and just knew. i just knew i had to work there. it was my happy thing and has been my zen place ever since. and ever since i made the decision that this would be my last month,i started seeing G again,the client i found really hot and was the first guy i found hot after everything and who seemed like he might've been flirting with me. today was great,in that he came in. and my boss wasn't there. and it was was as if we vibed again but in a different way. upon leaving,he was adorable,polite,and seemed tongue tied,and said something about " as well" i think saying he'll seem me the next day i work as well. he remembers my name,complimented my hair,and remembers my work schedule so he's definitely been present with me,and has interest it could be as if we are friends,even though we've barely had any conversations,maybe like 3-4 short ones in the last almost a year now. i will miss him,and just feeling that vibe today both made my mood soar and yet also broke my heart a little,too. i tried not liking him. and,i've realized it's not even because of this/that/this that i did like him,that was just pretext. i just genuinely feel and had felt really drawn to him. i have one more day left and maybe i'll see him and i had the thought maybe i should drink before shift so i know how to talk. lol. besides him,i feel geuninely that my boss is someone i could be friends with. i'm not worried about that though,as it seems we've started to connect a bit outside of work. and since she is friends with him,who knows,maybe that could even link me and him together later down the line. i quit because i felt i got all i got out of being here. my boss has said i'm welcome to come back anytime so maybe this will even just be temporary and i'll come back in a few months. i just feel like if you want something different,you have to do different,and if you want something to happen,sometimes you have to give it a deadline to happen,and change is life and you should never be afraid of it,it's good to practice that because it helps you to be more detached and when you give something space,you give room for something new to flow in. It's good to not get in a rut,and to let yourself change directions a bit every now,and then,it helps you sail life a bit better.
-positive inner knowings
-seeing G again. it's so weird how all of a sudden towards the end of my time here he shows up again. he was something that made me happy so i am grateful for him. i think going through this,and even feeling tongue tied and flustered is a part of growing and learning. it may suck and feel hopeless,but eventually it'll get right,and the things that will make me happy will fall into place.
-bringing T kitten in room with me for a bit and cuddling and how funny he is
-sweet soda
-having house to myself for a little bit this morning
-water
-coffee
-becoming more social media confident
-the amazing weather today
-sunshine
-positive people
-uber
-weight going down
-all the money i'm earning. i checked the portal of one thing i'm working through and it is so exciting to see
-brownie bites
-pictures
-colored pencils
-coloring in my mandala coloring book for a bit today
-meditation
-connection. no matter what,i feel a connection with my boss and G. i dont know why i cant just consider them both friends. they are not strangers.
-my phone
-fashion
-my eyeglasses
-support
-TV episodes online
-donkey kick exercises
-reflection
-makeup
-ginger
-hot tea
-relaxation
-becoming more surrendered again. i don't know what it is lately,but i just feel like i'm becoming more and more like myself
-doing a spiritual intention seeding exercise the other night
-relaxing music
-art
-new experiences
-ideas
-creativity
-oneness
-writing
-quiet
-desires. having a strong one to go to new mexico lately.
-deep cleansing breaths
-colors
-pictures
-having a dental cleaning tomorrow
-emotions
-touch
-smiling
-nourishment
-cleaning my dishes
-my bed
-hope
-being able to imagine things i couldn't for awhile that are what would make me happy

[buttercup]

-the fan in my room
-hypnosis
-amazing weather
-sweet soda
-whole foods orangeade
-touch
-massage
-getting a dental cleaning today
-unintentional intermittent fasting seeming to be another thing that works for me with slimming out
-cute things the outdoor cats do and finding one of their hiding spot's they go to when i cannot find them
-playing with some visualization/loa ri thinking while waiting at the dentist
-my phone
-laughing
-getting another company who owes me money saying they will send my check this afternoon
-deep cleansing breaths
-relief
-my bed
-colors
-pictures
-water
-coffee
-detachment
-ideas
-new perceptions
-new ideas
-little possible glitches in the matrix
-leggings
-M putting more money in my account
-maturity
-stretches
-getting that time of the month
-chocolate
-weight going down
-taking life one day at a time and letting myself slow down
-clarity
-beauty
-kind-heartedness
-appreciation
-self compassion
-being beautiful
-being excited about the law of attraction
-being more filled with possibility
-newness
-embracing change
-emotions
-all the money on it's way to me