GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-vegan cheese
-chipotle
-ice cold water
-meditating today. so good. highlight of the day.
-writing a new intention list
-seeing T cat tonight after not seeing him all day just laying on the new bed i bought today for the cats yawning like a little lion king. i asked who does he think he is for being gone all day.
-deciding to buy a new cat bed and another collar for T cat today at the store
-getting my pillow of S kitten yesterday
-getting the catnip seeds today finally
-feeling physically healthier
-going for a bike ride today
-sunshine
-naps
-sleep
-my intelligence
-talking to S some more today. i feel a build up between us,as if more and more i notice him suggesting us ways to see each other and since we met we have managed to keep in contact consistently
-patience
-practicing driving a little today
-organizing jewelry box
-nightskies
-feeling calmer and more pragmatic in some ways about things
-prayer
-doing some reading of current book then a few pages of elle magazine
-having nice teeth
-making my bed
-deep cleansing breaths
-my hypnosis audios
-losing weight
-my body becoming more toned
-stretches
-text messages and texting
-goals
-motivation

[buttercup]

-that i met S this summer
-that looking back,i actually had a not too bad summer
-self compassion
-cuddles with T cat
-cuddles with L kitten
-L kitten mysteriously coming into our life this summer
-going for a one hour bike ride today
-sleep
-naps
-that M's husband will take me to get white pants for a job i have coming up
-trying to wear more of my clothes i havent worn yet just to mix it up
-skipping soda yesterday
-S texting me today
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-stretches
-physical exercise
-calmness
-getting my savings account to 50% more then what it was 10 days ago. which is still not a lot but thats half doubling it. I like setting goals like that,exceeding them and then going up,and up. i find it to be a pragmatic way to get good with money.
-water
-seeing an apartment on my bike route a few blocks from where i'm at now saying for rent,so stopping to put the number in my phone
-being attractive
-getting more comfortable in my body
-sunshine and warm weather today
-deep cleansing breaths
-doing some organizing
-fashion
-giving in and getting the black hoodie i had my eye on. i have too many colors for outerwear and wanted a dark.
-getting my silver windbreaker in the mail
-water
-nightskies
-feeling better about myself in ways
-calming thoughts
-having cute teeth
-friendship
-taking things one day at a time
-positive thoughts/mantras
-feeling much better physically
-becoming stronger
-kind people
-my outdoor cats
-cuteness
-memories of happy moments and all that i've accomplished

[buttercup]

-feeling like S and I are starting to talk to each other more often. The other day,i almost felt like a beneath the surface intuitive surge of things coming closer. I like him a lot,but here i hardly know him. We talked for like 5 minutes twice and once he hugged me that 2nd time and ever since then we text consistently but very casually and I just don't know what to think now. I get serendipity about him and everytime i let go of him in my mind or have a bad day/bad moment,he suddenly texts me. He brought up me going to D.C today and I thought gosh,that's crazy to go all the way there for someone i only seen in person twice for 5 minutes. Even what he looks like is becoming a slight blur. And,I realized that's how he must feel about coming to my city. It is crazy,at least for where we are at currently in knowing each other. Maybe if we texted everyday,or had some phone calls,or had spent a whole day together when we had met. This girl today made me think I need to accelerate things with him because she,too had a Maryland(literally from Maryland,too) but she lost him because she let things take too long. But,I have to follow my heart. I did text him after work because of what she said and it was fine,he doesnt seem to play games,but i feel i'm meant to take this slow. I just don't know how to let things get just a little accelerated,though. I do feel though,intuitively that surge as if things are about to become more in some way,i don't know what exactly.
-today was stressful. a work contact/acqutaince wants to pull the piece now because she is getting frustrated about something I have to clean up the mess on. I guess she doesnt like my honesty and she said she is putting her foot down and pulling the piece. I said fine do what you have to do.I hate my city. I'm very anxious about money these days and to have to fix someone's errors is an expense that I don't need. Later,I cancelled on a friend i was going to meet with but I felt tired and was in a bad mood plus my money is so low that going anywhere is stressing me out right now. He seemed weird then just didnt respond. Then,i wanted to cuddle with my cats,but they all wanted to be outside.I found out the other day staying with my dad temporarily isn't an option because i cant bring my cats and he'd want me to pay rent and it'd already be an expense as it is living so far away. Itd be one thing if my cats could come,but overall the deal has no benefit to me whatsoever so that option is officially ruled out. Overall,im grateful for my strength.
-M's husband putting some money into my account.
-opportunities
-compliments. today,a co-worker said i seem like i'd do yoga or meditation because i have a calm aura.
-naps and sleep
-water
-lorazapam. this seems to be the winner for me with best anxiety med
-deep cleansing breaths
-the weight i've lost
-makeup
-getting my adidas hoodie in the mail. good choice going with that one.
-all the upcoming work i have
-my cat pillows
-smiling
-inspiration

[buttercup]

S and I have been talking more. Though,he is also becoming more and more perplexing. I wouldn't even think he likes me at this point. I can't figure him out.I think he was checking on me today with his text because i told him about a weird,freak incident with a co-worker of mine last night. He's said he thought upon meeting me i was nice and goofy were his impressions. Goofy? Trying really hard to hold that in and not be offended. The other day i said san francisco seemed perfect place for him to live,which made sense based on what he said and he said no his bad psychic reading skills must be rubbing off on me. Today,he said something,and i said wow,we are so much alike and he said no,he thinks we are opposites and named a few ways how including coming up with that i'm impatient and he's very patient. where has he gotten that from that im impatient? And,that he is very much a skeptic and im very spiritual and my rumi book gave me away. He's seemed different lately. As if he's letting down barriers and being more free or he is moody and has things on his mind or is going through something. idk,but it's an interesting stage in our development.
-that S and I have been talking more often
-soup
-ice cold water
-a nice sunshine-y day
-laying out in the sun for a bit
-going for a bike ride today
-coffee
-cuddling with L kitten for a bit
-seeing T cat today
-all my outdoor cats. E cat has been meowing at me lowly when i greet him these days
-feeling more calmer,grounded,and positive lately
-M and her husband in the yard just lounging and talking to M for a few minutes casually when her husband went inside
-losing weight
-getting paperwork sent in
-all the job bookings
-the trade-ins i made for some beauty vouchers i had
-how great my eyebrows look
-naps
-my beauty
-my hypnosis audios
-sleep
-laughter
-yoga pants
-organizing
-blankets
-music
-how much i've grown as a person since ex best friend dropped me out of his life

[buttercup]

-that S and I have gotten a little closer.i think that's what it was that was going on that felt peculiar.
-that it feels like summer
-running into people from my past today
-sunshine
-coffee
-getting a ride to work
-one of the people i recognized making a big deal of me being a "first career" and bringing up a mural thing he said he seen me in a few years ago that i've yet to see. he was actually more attractive in person. i had only ever conversed with him online in facebook before and we were facebook acquintances and he had always been nice to me and genuine.
-becoming more independent
-seeing my T cat. he keeps showing up like no big deal after not seeing him all day.
-my beauty
-makeup
-naps
-waking up on time for work
-getting my black adidas hoodie in the mail
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my weight loss
-uber
-food
-ice cold water
-new experiences
-doing some more oranizing
-feeling calmer and more grounded
-hyaluronic acid
-doing some reading today
-listening to some of my hypnosis audios today
-dimmer lights
-the internet
-feeling attractive
-wrist stretches
-hip openers
-lorazapam
-friendliness
-nourishment
-lavender
-ashwagandha
-people to text
-letting go easier
-deep cleansing breaths
-positive affirmations

[buttercup]

-S
-lavender
-my adidas hoodie
-my style
-compliments
-makeup
-water
-getting in a bike ride today
-lounging in the sun for a bit this afternoon
-friendliness
-fashion
-naps
-yoga
-deep cleansing breaths
-feeling more calm and grounded
-art
-my creativity
-inspirations
-being productive today
-finishing up the article i was working on
-listening to my hypnosis audios this morning
-coffee
-lorazapam
-celexa
-deep cleansing breaths
-cuteness
-chocolate
-getting skinnier
-smiling
-E cat meowing at me lately
-cuddling with my T cat today
-cuddling with L kitten
-all my outdoor cats
-all the cats i care for
-the internet
-entertainment
-freedom
-my phone
-relaxation
-warm showers
-blankets

[buttercup]

-sleep
-naps
-waking up on time and going to my doctor appointment despite all the hustle and bustle of last minute changes and getting my bloodwork done
-summery weather
-cookies
-cold beverages
-getting long term savings to $200
-chipotle
-going for a bike ride
-insurance providing free transportation to medical appointments
-uber
-losing weight
-docusign
-music
-meditation
-my black hoodie
-T cat
-all my outdoor cats
-motivation
-more jobs getting confirmed
-getting more cleaning done

[buttercup]

-fashion
-my style
-my beauty
-my intelligence
-compliments
-water
-new experiences
-growing as a person
-meeting interesting people
-inspiration
-meditation
-naps
-getting a ride home from work today
-smiling
-prayer
-getting a $20 check in the mail today
-feeling in a better mood today
-lorazapam
-getting my new book in the mail
-doing some reading of my new book and of elle magazine
-my hypnosis audios
-prayer
-uber
-great lighting
-seeing my cat more today
-cuddling with cats
-my body getting stronger
-stretches
-skygazing
-waking up on time for work
-being productive after work despite being tired

[buttercup]

-meditation
-mango fruit spread
-sunshine
-aloe juice
-citolopram
-lorazapam
-going to sleep early last night
-working today
-confirming 2 jobs today
-feeling calmer and more grounded again
-my adidas hoodie
-entertainment
-my style
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my rag&bone t-shirt
-iced almond milk lattes
-my miu miu clutch
-finding my lip balm
-beauty
-my prada bag
-my beauty
-makeup
-unconventional great ideas
-walking
-yoga stretches
-growing as a person
-getting a ride to and from work today
-ashwagandha
-my buddha rose quartz and maroon bracelet
-doing some more reading of my new book and elle magazine
-doing some more organizing and cleaning
-spending time with T cat
-cuddling with L kitten
-all the cute things my outdoor cats do
-nightskies
-M putting money in my account for starbucks
-M's husbands reassurances
-M's husband saying he talked to a friend about a possible free condo i may be able to stay in when i move in
-blankets
-showers
-forgiveness
-healing
-reflection
-listening to some of my hypnosis audios today
-relaxation
-doing some coloring today
-prayer
-laughing
-face massage
-motivation
-cleaning

[buttercup]

-feeling better
-confirming a lot of jobs
-going to a "real job" interview today to boost my self esteem
-seeing someone i know that i worked with years ago and mentioning it,and he was nice and said hi and kissed the side of my head.was very cute.
-water
-seeing people i know from work while working today and one stopping and chatting with me for a bit
-manifesting working with the one guy i have sexual tension with who is the boss's bf who i worked with years ago.i worked with him for the first time in years in august and the other day visualized us working together again and sure enough,it manifested like the next morning! his gf came to where we met and brought her dog and we talked about animals and he showed me his cat. they seemed frustrated by each other,which was interesting,moreso him by her. he offered to buy me something from there like a cookie or something which i declined and made a big deal of asking where have i been all these years saying i just disappeared. then,brought up my first career kinda gushing about it saying well,i seem like a model. he was teasing me on and off sometimes too and somethings he said made no sense that i never said so he had to have been playing games and gotten it from facebook. he seemed very excited to see me. it was nice working with him.i'm less shy now(thanks lorazapam) and he's a little more mature. He pointed to a sign that said mnml and i said minimal and he said it is about minimalism hence the short letters. He seemed a bit erratic(what's with guys being erratic when talking to me lately?) and got mad out loud when his gf texted him telling him to meet her at target at so and so time because he didnt want to and had plans with friends. He seemed kind of off his game with work,i was doing most of it,which is surprising since he gets the best jobs(well because of his gf). We had some nice chatting,though he seemed distracted too. At the end,we hugged. And,in hindsight,that hug almost felt like sex.My body and legs were in between his pelvic area and the pose itself seemed romantic. It was a quick hug and im sure he probably hugs all the females he works with. He then said he'd recommend me for being team lead roles in the recap forms. Everytime i see him,i cant stop thinking about him. I'm learning/relearning that sometimes you just get a vibe someone likes you. It's an energy,and he always vibes with me ever since the last two times i seen him. I did feel something years ago toward him but thought he was too weird and narcissistic so let it go despite how in sync we seemed to be. This hug was way more sex then the hug with S in July. Both were quick but with S our bodies were more separated and from afar it probably looked like an awkward hug whereas with D,our bodies were close,and from afar i feel like it would've looked like we were a couple. It's like my arms were just more comfortable being around him. It's weird.
-the book i've been reading
-confirming a lot of jobs
-doing a lot of bike rides
-sleep
-cuddles with T cat
-cuddles with L kitten
-meeting my financial goals
-buying my favorite candy
-buying a new pair of yoga pants
-benzos
-iced lattes
-massage
-my outdoor cats
-reading some elle magazine
-becoming more competant and growing as a person
-my hypnosis audios
-getting a ride to work and to my interview today
-nourishment
-calmness
-sunshine
-my laptop
-makeup
-my adidas hoodie
-nightskies
-meditation