I had a long relationship that was unhealthy and abusive on both sides and it ended a year ago. I was very overcome with anger and sadness for the time of it but have been feeling much better all year and especially for the past 4-5 months, even seeing my ex socially and feeling calm and forgetting. Anyway, I had some arguements with my ex last week and the rage has just come flooding back, I feel incapacitated, just overcome with rage and walking round my own apartment spitting, swearing, hitting walls. I haven't been like this for a long time. We have children and I was angry in front of them and not caring

also, I had a dream a few months ago that ..well I was with a youth worker I used to know and look up to, and he was talking to me calmly, and suddenly, I heard this beautiful music, (like choir singing but not human, like a guitar choir singing or something in ringing notes) and this kind of light ray of power swept over me. And, I could see and feel cracks and holes in my spirit being filled in by the light. I felt like I had been full of holes that got refilled. I felt better after dream for months. But now I feel back to how I was before and weaker.

Also, I was worried doing Tarot again was making it happen, as I used to enjoy tarot and I tried it again recently. I even did a tarot that made me feel peaceful and spiritual before my big rage. So I can't understand how i could go from being high on a peaceful tarot experience to raging, unless tarot was bad and leading me into untrustworthy states of weakness like a drug high would.