Good god I had the worst paranoid delusions of my life last night. I woke up in the hospital this morning and remembered how insane the night before was. I started popping speed at 2:00 PM on friday. I spread it out and as usual couldnt get to sleep sunday night. I had the usual voices talking all sorts of mad stuff and slight visual hallucinations. Something new happened this time. All of a sudden I got this strong smell of sage or something in my room for no reason at all. It scared the outta me and the voices said it was them doing it.
expletive deletedAll of a sudden a song started playing full volume downstairs. I went down and there was nobody there but there was a real strong smell of burning sage or something. I went back up stairs and starting getting this strong smell of burning plastic or rubber everywhere I went. All of a sudden I was convinced that my brain was melting from doing too much speed so in a panic I set the alarm, locked the door, and made my way to the hospital. The voices were saying at 12:00 they were gonna come and finish the job. They said things like "when they do an autopsy all theyre gonna see is a little crack in your kidney but it will look normal cuz you were doing speed and didnt eat" and "dont worry we`ll send flowers to your mother when she comes home and finds you dead". I stopped in the pizza place and got a slice of pizza. It tasted bad for some reason and a voice said "were controlling all your 5 senses, youve the taste buds of a vegan now so the taste of pepperoni is encumbering".
I got the mother of all frights when I went to get a drink and I thought the guy at the counter had mutated into a demonic looking thing. It scared the ♥♥♥♥ outta me before I realized it was a different guy, there was 2 people working there. When I finally ended up in the hospital I walked out of the room for some reason and when I found a clock at one point I saw it was 11:59. The got me paranoid again since the voices were telling me they were going to crack my kidney at 12:00 so I started walking up and down the corridor like a madman and the nurses were telling me to go back to my room but I was telling them my brain was burning and id be dead any minute now. A few minutes after 12:00 i went back to the room and the nurse came in with a blue pill and she says "it will stop the voices" and I couldnt help thinking of the blue pill in the matrix. I didnt wanna take the pill but she said if I didnt take it I couldnt stay in the hospital so I took the frickin thing.
When the doctor came in to the room he got a fright and jumped back when he walked by the sink where I had been smelling the burning rubber smell the strongest. That was &*^% weird I still have no idea what that was all about. He didnt tell me why he jumped back. After seeing the doctor they gave me a bed to sleep on in the corridor. The only weird things that happened after that was I could smell that burning plastic crap off everybody that walked by. They woke me up at 6 the next morning.
The whole night the voices were calling me a heathen, a terrorist, a rebel, a villain, a demon and a hero. I also kept hearing the words frivolous and serendepity. At one point I asked them why they were messing with me and they replied "your the chosen one, this is a spiritual trial" or some sh. like that.
Odd stuff to say the least. A few things happened that reinforced my theory. When I was in the pizza place I heard a song that said "its a crazy world stick with the crowd and youll be alright". That sparked a thought inside my head. What if humans are a bunch of sheep and we`re being controlled by some more advanced life form and schizophrenics are just more advanced people that have wandered away from the herd and these voices are like the sheepdogs that try to scare you back into the herd. Maybe like the voices said sleep deprivation connects you to a parallel universe and puts you in between this dimension and another one. It sounds completely retarded but these voices kept telling me that I had been connected to a parallel universe and they were demons and I was stuck in the middle. They also said most people that are connected to this dimension are used as puppets or mediums for the demons but I was too hardheaded to be manipulated.
This serendepity talk makes sense because I think I accidentally made some of the most important discoveries of my life.
Some requisites to survive in the real world.
1.) Never change your view of reality because of what you hear or read. With that being said never believe any religions, media, or anything anyone tells you without having solid proof by having experienced it your self.
2.) Never fear anything. Never let fear dictate your reality.
3.) You must be completely pure and perfect in your own mind. You must be completely free of fears, doubts, worries, shame, guilt, anger, hatred, etc. or they will consume you the minute you decide to tear down your safe illusory world and enter the real world. Anyone that takes psychedelics has a bit of an idea of the impact these negative aspects can have on your when your safe, protective, illusory dream world starts fading away.
My theory is this world is a prison and in order to bypass the prison guards to escape you have to be perfect. You have to be like the greatest Buddhist monk out there and even thats not enough. Unless you achieve all these requisites the guards will cut you down before you even make it to the prison gates.
Maybe the universe speaks in signs and symbols and you have to get rid of your blinders to be able to spot the signs. The signs I saw were
1.) In order to be free you have to attain all the requisites I mentioned above.
2.) Hell is right here on earth. Hell is a state of mind. Hell only exists when you havent attained all those requisites. When i was having heavy delusions I was pondering the though of going to hell and I turned on the TV and the Sopranos was on and I heard hell being mentioned about 5 times. It was an add with clips from different episodes. 1 the guy says "Im going to hell for Tony Soprano" or some stuff like that and another one some woman says "If im going to hell I wish god would give me a sign now". The voices kept telling me i was in hell and was in terror. Hell was that delusion fearful state of mind i was in last night. If that was hell then f I cant even imagine what heavens like. All it takes is losing fear among a few other things to escape hell.
This is just a theory I constructed from paranoid delusions. Im not claiming anything here. My plan is to spend the next few years of my life perfecting and preparing myself. Im going to completely wipe my self clean of all fears, worries, doubts etc. and the next time I do this I`ll be ready. Becoming a Buddhist monk seems like a reasonable way to go about it.
Bookmarks