Please clear this mess up for me

[Tempestinateapot]

I don't think I'm crazy

I didn't say you were crazy. I said you sound depressed. Those are two completely different things, with different solutions. But, like Tom said, going the do-it-yourself route isn't highly recommended. Work with someone who is trained in helping whatever your problem is. Once that's identified, there are a number of things that can be done to help you, and that you can do for yourself. But, first, you've got to learn what's causing this. And, it doesn't sound like you are learning this on your own.

[KnowNothing]

I'll look into the Yoga. Thanks for being here for me.


I think I may have opened some conciousness without even knowing it, I can "activate" my chakras automatically like feel energy go through them whenever I want, is this normal?
Also I think my problem is that I don't focus on I/ME/MYSELF/MYLIFE i focus on the world, maybe that's good for some meditation people, but I don't want none of that enlightment things yet, all I want is a normal life with normal feelings, like a youth.
I've always had weird thoughts about the universe(like I guess everyone really has) but I have obsessed about it.

It's also like when I try to feel emotions, the world doesn't change so I feel like I don't feel the emotions cuz the world/conciousness stays the same.
has anyone ever felt something like this and got out of it?

[sash]

I think I may have opened some conciousness without even knowing it, I can "activate" my chakras automatically like feel energy go through them whenever I want, is this normal?
Also I think my problem is that I don't focus on I/ME/MYSELF/MYLIFE i focus on the world, maybe that's good for some meditation people, but I don't want none of that enlightment things yet, all I want is a normal life with normal feelings, like a youth.
I've always had weird thoughts about the universe(like I guess everyone really has) but I have obsessed about it.

It's also like when I try to feel emotions, the world doesn't change so I feel like I don't feel the emotions cuz the world/conciousness stays the same.
has anyone ever felt something like this and got out of it?

I think I see what you are saying here, and this sounds a lot like accelerated expansion of consciousness, I'd say it may have been caused by a number of things you mentioned. It is harder to deal with when it is sped up too much like that. Normally, it settles down, but the key is to maintain faith and just keep grounding yourself until things improve.
If you do decide to seek out psychiatric help it might be worthwhile to try to separate your panic and feelings of losing yourself from the ego/chakra and energy movements you are experiencing. I would hazard a guess that divulging this kind of information to a psychiatrist may get you labelled as 'crazy'. I do not think modern psychiatry is equipped with enough understanding to handle the spiritual dimension of a person.

[Nnonnth]

It started from smoking too much cannabis over a few years, then once it all hit me, all the t houghts about the universe and everything that I hadn't thought about since I was a child suddenly they "hijacked" my focus.
I was even psycic for over a week, it was the most scary thing ever.
I never want that again, I just want to be normal, my dad was diagnosed mental patient because of all this, I can't let that happen to me.

Ah, now we're gettin' it!

I think what is significant here is:

a) Those 'thoughts about the universe' that you 'hadn't had since childhood'; and

b) The fact that your dad was diagnosed mentally incompetent due to experimenting with kundalini meditation.

(BTW I would like to hear that story in a little more detail if it doesn't cause you pain or seem like I'm prying).

My diagnosis is:

1. You had spiritual experiences as a child which you have subsequently forgotten (I had the same thing), and

2. You are scared of 'ending up like your dad', which is why you want a 'normal life'.

I am saying 1 is true because that is what is causing panic attacks, chakra flows and stuff. You wouldn't be scared of spiritual stuff if you didn't know deep inside there was something real to be scared of. However your fear is causing you to miss all the cool stuff in your situation which I think will become apparent to you in time.

It is possible, indeed it is very probable, that some experience has passed between you and your dad. Parents often pass undealt-with karma to their children. I suspect strongly that you are here in this life to sort this out once and for all.

So what should you do? People here are talking about Nidra and that's just dandy, although I have never heard of it. But it's just one thing that's out there, and there's alot out there. Everyone's going to have their recommendations, and I'll have a couple myself. But the most important thing is: what you feel drawn to do.

You see, what I think is that in your fear about 'ending up like your dad', you are shutting yourself off from the life you really should be living, and you are dodging what, deep inside, you know is your destiny. I have seen this happen before. And then the pot-smoking on top, as an additional abdication of responsibility. Even your screen name indicates your desire to just be shot of the whole situation rather than deal with it. And this in turn is what has caused your soul to fly away - which it hasn't of course, what has left you is meaning, purpose, destiny, all the reasons you are here, and all that really matters to you.

KN, do you really think most people who smoke pot get 'psychic for a week'?! I assure you it isn't common. What it is, you're special, man. You are a naturally spiritual person and you're dodging it, through fear, and you're making things worse for yourself. As long as you experience awakenings only through smoking pot they will be out-of-control awakenings, giving you out-of-control gifts that do no good to you nor anyone else, and only scare you worse, which is what you want so you don't have to deal with the situation. And as long as you use what happened to your dad as an excuse not to investigate, you will continue to fear normality as much as you desire it. And finally, as long as you don't look at who you really are and what you really want, your emotions will be blocked because you aren't actually living your life, you're dodging it!


So, my recommendations:

1. Stop smoking pot now, if you haven't already. Not for some bullsh**t just-say-no reason, or because it's wrong or evil, but because it is doing you harm in your own personal experience. If you don't learn from your experience you can't improve your situation.

2. Experiment with yoga nidra. Investigate it. But investigate alot else too. Look in all the books your dad left behind that you told yourself not to look at. Look on all the recommended reading lists of all the sites on the web like this. Read the books. Read the books that those books recommend in their bibliographies. Get smart, become knowledgeable. Then you can improve your situation.

3. A normal psychologist in my opinion will not be helpful. But some therapies can be. Go for reiki. Go for indian head massage. Get some healing from a Brennan-trained energy healer. Find a therapist who also works with energy. Anything - just do it. (But don't take pills.)

4. Once you find a practice that is actually working, stick with it like glue no matter what, until you have the sense that you are grounded and can handle whatever is coming along. There's alot more info out there these days than there was in your dad's day. You're going to be fine, in all senses of that word.

5. Then, find out what did happen to your dad. Lots of ways to do that. Recall your memories of him. Look at the work he was actually doing. Call his spirit even. Fear nothing, replace your fear with positive knowledge and experience.

6. Forget about this thing you are calling 'a normal life'. You are going to be involved in spiritual work, it is completely inevitable. Some people would envy you your position, believe it or not! You're going to be very very good at whatever you end up doing. That doesn't mean you won't be an accountant with a wife, a car, and 2.4 children as well, or whatever else seems superficially 'normal' to you - you can have all those things and still be very spiritual. When you talk about a 'normal life', what you really mean is, a life where you don't have to think about these matters. You won't get that. You will get something far, far better - a life where you life by your heart, a life that is true to who you really are, and a life of spiritual adventure and achievement.


My top 3 recommends for spiritual grounding for beginners:

'Spiritual Cleansing' (book) - Draja Mickaharic.
'Complete System of Self-Healing' (book) - Stephen Chang.
'Deep Healing Qigong' (DVD) - Michael Winn (http://www.healingtaousa.com)


Good luck!
You'll do fine.

Love and best wishes, NN

[KnowNothing]

edit: deleted cuz I got my answers, thanks guys

[CFTraveler]

Yeah, but I don't think I'm crazy cause my thoughts is normal thoughts, I just obsess about them I think...

You are making assumptions about what mental dysfunction is. Obsession is a disorder, for example. What is a crazy thought? And you need to get the word 'crazy' out of your vocabulary. We're all a little crazy.

or lose yo ur connection to it?

You can lose the ability to connect to it, and mental illness is definitely a good way to do it.

cause soul is supposed to be the source of your feelings,

I usually don't like to use the word wrong, because it is so judgemental.
But I will now. That is WRONG! The soul is not the source of your feelings- your nervous system is. This has been scientifically proven. Now, the soul can be said to be the source of everything that is you, but your feelings are how you emotionally react to your environment, and you need a nervous system to do that.

so when I got no feelings it seems like I'm not connected...
I feel the emotional feelings in my body, but not mentally, if that makes sense?

Yes, it means you have dissasociated yourself from your emotions. The question is, what was so terrible that caused you to do that? You have talked about what amounts to a 'dark night of the soul', and maybe that, combined with the events that led to your father's death, contributed to your breakdown and subsequent depression, and yes, it sounds like depression. I hope you find your way, but please get some professional help.

[sash]

Thanks for your answers guys, I'll give you a little deeper insight of it all, here it goes:

My thoughts about the universe as a little child was like "what happens when ALL life in the universe dies will it be empty, will there be anyone anywhere ever again?
I also was extremely afraid of being alone, as a 2-3 year old I asked my mom: "when you die, how will I find you again when I die?"
I had a lot of different thoughts like this.
I remember feeling really really bad when thinking about these things, I would now too, but I'm completely numb so nothing touches me.

I'm not sure how common this is but I think being overwhelmed by particular thoughts is something almost everyone experiences at some point. Although I have narrowed this down to negative entities and ocd as you said. When I was younger I had constant visions of the entire mass of life being a book and at death it would just slam shut and everything would end, it would easily put me into an existential despair until I learned to manage the thoughts.

Then this ♥♥♥♥ happened, and I read about subjective reality on a website, which completely destroyed me, subjective reality is the most egoistic retarded ♥♥♥♥, but somehow my obsessions made it "Real" for me, this only made my emotions go completely numb
I think that was the worst contributer to this mess.
I believe we're all one, but has individual experiences on this earth, like the reality is objective, but we have subjective perceptions of it.

I think I should also mention I got OCD, which means I always get stuck on thoughts that is bad for me, like losing my soul, this one was going through my head for weeks and I managed to feel it happen to me, even if it's not possible.
It's not unnormal in OCD, I've had much weirder obsessions than that, I somehow know their just obsessions, but while having them, they seem completely real.

Does any of this make sense to anyone, what you mean I'm special and living a life without spirituality is impossible?
I don't mind being spiritual, but I don't want a life with religion, I want a normal life with normal emotions.
Not become some isolated individual with no emotions, cause that will for sure make me go crazy after awhile.

Sorry for the long post but I figured if anyone should be able to help me understand this and help me out of it, they need to know details.
Thanks for all the help guys, I've tried to seek help from other people, but they just don't understand what I'm talking about and just tell me to go to a psychiatrist(which means medicating myself to become a zombie)

Psychiatric help is overrated, I agree. If you have stumbled upon Relativism try to read more philosophy and learn more about types of spirituality. Some years back when I read up on subjective existence I really took it to heart and believed this was the final word on the matter of an objective truth. Later I reconsidered.

In spiritual development the intense emotional shifts can be normal, they are almost always transitionary. It will be a softer trip when having faith in yourself and reading more about subjects that can relieve your mind rather than cause it to chase its own tail.

[Nnonnth]

Just want to say I go right along w/ Sash's last post, it was as cool as his current avatar photo!

The thing about psychiatrists is that they just don't have the info to look at these things properly. It's like Sash is saying, actually being totally tossed around by uncontrolled thoughts is the way most people are most of the time anyway. A particularly spiritual person at this particular time in history is going to have all sorts of chaotic feelings and thoughts.

The point is, if you do spiritual work you can learn to control your thoughts, just watch them go by, weed out the ones you don't want, etc. What shrink knows about this stuff? Bringing yourself and your mind gently under control means you don't have to deal with that kind of panicked desperation in which, it seems to me, the vast majority of people live their lives - and shrinks are no different!

This:

It will be a softer trip when having faith in yourself and reading more about subjects that can relieve your mind rather than cause it to chase its own tail.

Is right on IMHO!

Best NN

[KnowNothing]

Thanks, nice to hear other people has been through the subjective reality etc, it's complete narcissitic.
I just wonder, being spiritual, does it mean not being able to enjoy normal sex etc.?

[CFTraveler]

KN wrote:

I just wonder, being spiritual, does it mean not being able to enjoy normal sex etc.?

Why not? It has been my experience that enjoying sex on a regular basis keeps me from getting dragged down and attacked in the lower astral, because I'm not putting out 'needy' vibes.
There is a notion among spiritual people (which I completely disagree with) that being in a body and enjoying it is somehow a mistake, and to improve or develop your spirituality you have to eliminate all physicality out of your life. I disagree with this for a million different reasons (but I'll only share a few )
1) If our existence were supposed to be limited to one aspect, we wouldn't have incarnated at all. We came here to experience, and sex is one of the experiences we're here to have. Like all physical experiences, it has consequences, and has to be engaged in with the awareness of those consequences: Unwanted babies, STDs loss of education, and even possible death.
2) The human animal is one of the few species that can enjoy sex for reasons other than reproductive. I may be missing some here, but a species of chimps and a species of dolphins are among those. Interestingly, those specific species (that I know of) are amongst the most intelligent in the animal kingdom. I'm not sure what this shows, other that they're more 'like us', maybe.
3) Stoicism and self-denial are movements that come from religious movements that base their beliefs on mythology. IMO mythology is supposed to teach you something, but I'm not sure if they got the information right. JUST MY OPINION. Not meant to offend anyone.
4) Yes, denying sex can be used to channel the energy to more 'spiritual' pursuits, but this is basically the same as using technology. It doesn't make you 'better' or 'more holy'. The problem with this approach is that the energy used is still earth-based, and the experience had isn't really spiritual, it often involves astral sex instead of regular physical sex, and I personally prefer the physical version. But that's just me.