Kevin's MAP Journal

[Kevin]

In an attempt to once again push towards becoming more spiritually developed, I have once again started the 90 Day MAP program. I have settled on not pushing myself, however. The time frame to me is less important than my own personal understanding of myself and why I am undertaking this practice once again. My first step is always to start recording my dreams again. When I first start, I always have trouble. But slowly it gets easier with time. This is the dream I recorded from this mornings early hours:

January 15th -

I dreamed that I was once again in school. This is a reoccurring theme in many of my dreams. I often dream that I am back in high school. In the past, another common component was the feeling that I did not belong. I was always struggling. I would forget my class schedules, forget what I needed to do, be hopelessly lost in the subject matter, or that I haven't done the required reading and generally just wander around the school lost. Last nights dream was noticeably different. I was already in class, and I was in college (no longer high school). The class seemed similar to a class I am currently attending, even the teacher reminded me vaguely of my real life teacher. I was not lost of left behind and I actually felt at home in the class, though I did discover that I forgot to do some assigned homework (I have a very real problem doing homework in real life too, though this usually comes down to a lack of time rather than just forgetting). As we left class, I lingered in the hall and as the teacher passed she said goodbye to me by name. When I got outside I found that the bus had already left. I was peeved because I knew that I had followed my normal everyday schedule and it was the bus that had left early. My wife picked me up however, in the car that we actually drive. I rode in the car facing out the back window, which came to be a very disorienting experience. Though I was facing backward, it seemed that I was traveling forward. Finally I turned around and it seemed to me that the road before us, which was like a raised highway, was swaying, making it seem more dangerous than it normally was. But in the dream it seemed that my perceptions were enhanced to get this experience because I knew that it normally did not appear this way, and for some reason I wondered if other-worldly visitors would perceive these roads as more dangerous than we do.

That is all I remember. I think the education part of my dream deals with that part of my ego. I strive for knowledge and learning. In the past these dreams have signified anxiety and a lack of that knowledge, but I think that last nights dream symbolizes that I am happy with my current progression along these lines.

Comments, Observations?

[Kevin]

Just a brief post to say that I am starting anew on the MAP program, this time with my wife finally agreeing to try it out with me. I'm hopeful that with the two of us working on it, we will be able to keep each other on the system better than I have been able to keep myself on it.

[Kevin]

Day 1

Of to a slow start, but at least it is a start. I am severely out of practice in terms of meditating and energy work and getting back to it, I found it a little hard. I was expecting as much really and the fact that I am still slightly sick with a chest cold certainly doesn't help. During the 20 minutes of listening to the brain wave generator and the 5 minutes of breath awareness I found that my thoughts would wander quite a bit. Some of that is expected I know. It seemed that my wife took to it pretty well. She said her easiest exercise was the 20 minutes spent listening to the brain wave generator. She even said it seemed like the shortest of all of the exercises and that the 5 minutes of breath awareness was hardest and seemed the longest. We will have to work on both exercises.

In fact, I may take some time during a break today and try to do some additional breath work and some energy body stimulation.

Kevin.