I experienced a really strange situation yesterday when I was meditating, and I'm a bit confused about it.
First of all, a bit of situational explanation:
I had my long term relationship end in January of this year, with a girl with whom I lived together for nearly 2 years and spent quite a lot of years together. We had quite a bond together, and I saw her as my soulmate. We had a cool down period during that time, and in that time she lived with a male colleague for about a week(And less than a week her parents and a good week at our place) and I ended up drunk in bed with a girl who I thought was a friend. Because I believe that trust is the foundation of a relationship, I told her this, and at that point, she decided that she didn't want to go on with the relation. And if not painful enough, she almost directly had a relationship with that other guy with whom she lived for a week.
While I am ashamed of my deed, it's irreversible, and I accept the consequences of my actions(Took me a while tho). However, after finding out that immediately started dating this other guy I fell into a huge hole, ended up depressed, etc. It took me a long time to get out of that hole, and things are much better now.
However, I started meditating again last week after a long time of not being able to. Things are going quite well, I'm make great steps forward again in meditation, and since I started it, I feel much more happy. Intense happy, in love with the entire world. Yesterday however, I was meditating and all the sudden, I had a flashback moment. I was thrown into the shoes of my ex-girlfriend, and experienced the moment in feelings alone, of what she presumably would have felt at the moment that I told her that I had sex with this other girl.
The moment of re-living that part was short, but quite hefty. I didn't feel the need to cry, or felt depressed again after wards, but the experience was quite intense. It's hard to describe the feelings I experienced, because of the short experience. But it did make me think about my ex a lot again, think back about the pain I caused her, myself, the girl I slept with, etc. But also about how her dad blames it all on me(And basically tells everyone what an asshole I am).
IS there any explanation for my experience? And is it possible to experience this again(And how)? While the emotions than run through me weren't pleasant, and I felt quite upset at the exact moment I experienced it, but the moment the feelings floated past, I didn't feel bad about it anymore. I think I'm able to handle the experience, and examining it a bit further sounds interesting. Both the experience, and the emotions themselfs.
With Love,
Bird of Prey
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