Letting go

[johnbrent]

I need some one to tell me how to let go of something that was never mine...
even after many years of course I was still hoping for the same lady but when I saw her, she was happy, she was happy and its not because of me. Now how do I stop myself from loving her

[ButterflyWoman]

Okay, this is going to sound really strange. You choose to stop. The kind of love you're describing - which, I want to make clear, I am in NO WAY belittling or putting down - is a habit of thought. It's a sort of "belief". It's an emotion that becomes a habit, that forms a pattern. Again, I am not saying that you didn't and don't love this person, please don't get me wrong on that. I am very, very well acquainted with the intricacies of human emotions in relationships, and I've been in love many times in my life. I'm just saying that, from a metaphysical and psychological viewpoint, it's just a habit of thought, and it's just an emotion.

We can choose to react to or act on our emotions, or not. We don't have to accept them as they come to us. We don't have to believe them, or believe in them. We can choose which ones we will entertain, and which ones we will allow to pass.

I say this as someone who has struggled desperately and violently most of my life with all kinds of emotions, some of them quite severe (panic, for example). I've loved, and been loved, and I still love. But I do so because I choose to do it. I act on my affection for my children, my husband, my friends, because I want to. I also choose NOT to act on some other of my emotions. A good many of the emotions I have, I just let them go, I release them, and I stand back and refuse to act on them or react to them, for various reasons.

I hope this makes some degree of sense. It's taken me more than forty years to understand this, after years of being a slave to my own thoughts and my own emotions. I'm still quite an emotional person by nature, so I'm hardly a robot these days, but I'm much more able to say, "I'm feeling Emotion Y. I don't think I'll give in to it." At one time, and not so very long ago, my emotions were controlling me, because I thought I had to let them do so. I don't. Nobody does.

Blessings to you. I hope what I wrote makes some sense.

[johnbrent]

great statement.. A good way to knock some realities in my head. thank you

[TheLawOfOne]

I need some one to tell me how to let go of something that was never mine...
even after many years of course I was still hoping for the same lady but when I saw her, she was happy, she was happy and its not because of me. Now how do I stop myself from loving her

understand that in real love, not romantic love, i mean unconditional love, you would want her to be happy, even if it is not with you. Meditate or think of wanting the best for this person, but don't let your emotions get involved, think of her as you would any other. And realize it does not mean you can't be happy yourself or that something is wrong with you. It just means that at this time you are not a right match for each other and there might be a better match for you somewhere out there.