Heliac's MAP Practice

[heliac]

Day 1: Setting the Stage

Notes/Observations: Saturday morning practice
Relaxation:

When relaxing, i initially did not get too much out of it. Tensing releasing, tensing releasing itself felt somewhat lacking in getting myself to physically relax.I don't know but i just felt like i was going through motions and something was missing.

Although after tensing/relaxing a few times, the action of doing that reminded me of the same thing that your body does naturally when winding down at the end of the day prior to going to bed and upon waking in the morning, with a good stretch and yawn.

Instead of just tensing and relaxing i found myself starting to mimic my pre-bedtime get-lazy routine which basically consists of a very good full body stretch/tense and release coupled with a big yawn and full deep breath, sometimes i wrap my arms around myself too kind of like a self hug??Don't ask me why but it just feels relaxing to do that.Please note that this was all happening somewhat automatically once i let myself forget about trying to do what the book said(Sorry, bruce and mercer).I wasn't conciously going through the motions that i do when winding down for bedtime, it just felt like this is how i should be getting nice and toasty and relaxed.

Doing all this sort of put myself into that sleepy, wet noodle, almost lazy body mode but i was quite alert as well. Once i was nice and toasty and relaxed i noticed my head was pretty clear too and it felt natural transitioning on to breath awareness.

Breath Awareness:

It was actually a little restful to notice my breathing when i wasn't getting distracted by random thoughts. I found myself trying to force my awareness back to my breath when i got distracted but doing this tensed up my muscles a little.I just pretty much said "whatever" to myself and if random thoughts pop in my head i just forgot about them and felt for my breathing again.I did definitely notice a difference in the quality in clarity of awareness on watching breathing versus random thought patterns though.Eventually the distractions became more frequent and i moved on to mobile body awareness.

Mobile Body Awareness:

The sensations of brushing were very subtle for me.I could only feel very trace and faint sensations.For the most part i felt like i was just sitting there trying to focus on my knee or trying to feel a brushing sensation as close to the real thing as possible.

There was a few times when something interesting happened and it is a little hard to describe. Basically it felt like a very internal awareness but somewhat detached too. It caught me a little off guard because this happened as soon as i was bringing my attention to my left knee. Instead of just thinking about my knee i felt very internal and clear and it felt as if my awareness was moving from my brain down through my torso to my hips and legs.It felt as if my body was hallow and my mind was moving through it down to my knee, literally.

This was very new and threw me off a little and i felt like i was getting "deep" so i pulled back a little and my awareness felt like it was closer to it's surface level or a normal everyday awareness level.


Conclusion:
Overall i was surprised how easy everything went. I learned how to relax by playing out how my body gets lazy on its own.I had a few interesting moments during mobile body awareness where i was feeling like i was "going in deep" but don't quite understand what was happening and this is the only way i can describe it at the moment.

[heliac]

Morning Practice:

Relaxation:

I'm not really following the relaxation part of MAP to the T.Prior to the practice session i took a nice warm shower. This usually leaves me feeling refreshed and relaxed.I tried doing the tense and relax excersize by the book but it just felt like it is too much of a mechanical way to relax.There is no spirit or umph behind trying to relax by going limb by limb, flex release flex release.

So, i put that in the back of my mind and just started doing my own thing, doing what felt natural. rotated my ankles around, yawned and did the full body stretch that people normally do when they are settling down to sleep or when they wake up in the morning.

Also, i started burping and tearing a lot. That didn't happen last time when i was relaxing but it actually felt like it was relaxing me more.I did notice that i had some extra tension around my face, jaw and eyes this time.Maybe that is why i was yawning so much and tearing up.

I was feeling nice and slumbery and toasty though quite pleasant and open.But my face was still a little more tense than usual.

Breathing:

The breathing was a little interesting today. i noticed that once i get nice and toasty from yawning and stretching my breathing settles down too. It is a little more fuller and slower, not much though its pretty subtle.So, when i took note of this i started paying attention to it and i felt that deepening sensation from yesterday set it again.Only this time it felt more like i was dropping. Kind of like when you are on a swing and you are swinging down from the top of the apex of your swing, only not quite that much but a similar feeling and right down to the pit of my stomach.

It made me feel a little weird again so i just backed off a little.

Mobile Body Awareness:

I was very very loosey goosey and mellow after the breathing excersize. I opened my eyes to find my thumb to start doing the stirring motion and it seemed very hazy.I couldn't really recreate the sensation of stirring too well though. The brushing sensation worked well and it kind of felt like my thumb was gone by the time i got to the sponging.This happens to me when i'm going to sleep too sometimes. Its the same sensation, sometimes when i'm falling asleep i feel like my legs are gone.Its a very weird sensation.

Conclusion:
Not a bad day number 2.I felt like i wanted to do a little more mobile body awareness like on some of the other fingers.By the time i get to sponging i start to feel like i'm getting in the zone.I don't want to get over zealous though and then spend all day doing it though so it's good that i cut off the excersizes after sponging the thumb.

[heliac]

New Evening Practice:

Relaxation:

I did the usual relaxation drills and felt nice and toasty. Still teared up a bit, not as much as yesterday. I felt like my tongue was actually a little tense so i stuck out my tongue while i was yawning this time and tensed it up too.

My lower half relaxes pretty easily. My storehouses of tension are my shoulders, neck and jaw/face.

Breathing:

Breathing excersize went ok. I didn't quite get as deep as yesterday but was nice and mellow and could focus on my breathing fairly well.

Mobile Body Awareness:

I was getting a little sleepy doing this today. It was around 930PM when i started and i was a little tired to begin with though. It went fairly well, my thumbs and big toe start to feel full after doing MBA drills.One thing that i noticed was that my palms actually felt very hot while i was doing the thumb sponging.

When i got to my toes the palms of my feet got hot too.My palms and soles of my feet are physically hot too.

[heliac]

MAP Day 4: Full of Heat

Relaxation:

I did todays practice before work instead of after work, im too tired in the after hours and start getting sleepy.

Im kind of impatient, i expect to move along quicker than it actually takes. Sometimes i have to remind myself to slow down. I felt this when doing the relaxation excersizes, i expected to get into that cozy zone much quicker than it physically takes.

I was able to relax my storehouse areas much more thoroughly this morning. I don't know what it is but when i consciously relax by just stretching out, yawning and tensing up and relaxing, i just get very fuzzy and warm inside its actually very nice. It just feels like i get soaked.

Breathing:

Totally by-passed this part and didn't realize it until i was half way through mobile body awareness.
Wasn't to irked about missing the breathing part because when i do the relaxation part my breathing kind of changes and i notice the changes in the rest periods after stretching/tensing up and just kind of curiously watch my breathing as it changes on its own.

When i get relaxed my breathing starts to resemble the breathing that occurs when i sleep. Very deep inhale and quicker exhale. This is also when i start to feel soaked too.

MBA:

This went pretty well, nothing amazing happened. I like to wrap the brush stroke from the top side of my thumb/toes to the under side and from the left side to the right side. It helps keep a seamless brush stroke.

One thing new that i noticed when i got to my toes. when i was doing full strokes laterally over all my toes, my mind was brushing more quick than the actual brush sensation was occurring. I thought at first that the pulsing/brushing sensation that was passing over my toes was my actual pulse/heart beat. I thought i was just feeling the blood passing through my toes. So, i checked my actual heart rate to see if it was matching with the pulsing i felt at my toes and my heart was beating at quite a different rate.

** As i was re-reading this i was able to start feeling the pulsing/brushing that i did this morning and decided to time the rate versus my heart rate over 30 seconds and multiplied by 2 to get the rate over a minute:
HR=84( kind of higher than my regular rest rate)
foot pulse rate=30

seems like the initial brushing that i do activates some kind of pulsing/brushing sensation that starts to move at a slower rate than the brush rate i am passing over my toes in my mind.The pulsing/brushing that starts occurring on its own is MUCH more physical than the brushing sensation i am passing over my toes in my mind. So, once i started feeling the pulsing i just followed that rate and tried to move along with that and enhance it.

The pulsing and brushing sensation passed on to my entire foot by itself and the brushing/pulsing felt more like water. kind of like my feet were being lapped by the eb and flow of the ocean.Only thing is my feet got hot again and my hands too. They both actually start to feel very very hot and the hot sensation can last a while.

Conclusion:

I had some pretty strong sensations during MBA. One other thing that i was wondering about is the overflow of the pulsing brushing, sponging sensations. After i do the sponging i feel like my toes and fingers are full and then the warmth/pulsing spreads to my hands/feet.

I feel like once my feet get full the sensations want to go up into my ankles and legs but i dont really pursue those sensations. I'm trying not to jump ahead of myself and get distracted.

[heliac]

MAP Day 5:

Evening session:

I missed a day yesterday. The night before i couldn't sleep and got very nauseated and hot, finally fell asleep around 3am.
Thats the last time i binge at a Yankees game and eat 3 hot dogs and an uncountable number of chicken fingers and Coors light. We were at the Coors luxury box suites and there were drawers full of it not to mention the 2 or 3 that i had on the Deion Sanders ride up.Anyways I'm showing off...no one is really reading this anyway, burp.

Relaxation:
Wasn't able to wind down as good as usual tonight.I dunno just wasn't able to get there.I tried my best and did get somewhere though just didn't feel very loose.

Breathing :
The breathing felt good but was unremarkable. I pretty much used this time to let my body rest and settle in some more.

MBA:

My feet didn't get hot this time, i guess that is good because it is a little uncomfortable after a while.I was able to target the center of my sole very well.The idea to imagine the stirring sensation at the bottom of your foot as a massage pen worked. it felt as though i had a joy buzzer running along my sole. The brushing sensation wasn't quite all there as it was last time which is surprising because the stirring sensation wasn't strong last time but this time the stirring was pretty pronounced.

Conclusion:
That was pretty much it this time.I feel eager to start moving the MBA up to my legs and the rest of my body. I'm curious as to what might happen and how the awareness is experienced in other areas.

[heliac]

MAP Evening Session:

Relaxation:

I was able to relax pretty good today. My eyes teared up a lot and burned a little from the tearing.Feels good to relax and let go.

Breathing:

I used this time to relax more deeply and sought after that sinking feeling this time. It didn't come and i haven't had it again since the first two or three sessions. I did get very quiet minded for a little while though.

MBA:

This didn't go so well at first. I started getting sleepy by the time i got to my right foot and i dozed off a few times.At least i was able to catch myself dozing off and by the third or fourth time catching myself i felt like i got a second wind.

I noticed i wasn't able to feel brushing so well on the back of my legs on both legs.I felt like it took a bit of concentration to keep the brushing sensation from breaking on its way up to the hip and down to the toes.Sponging went well but i wasn't able to feel the automatic pulse up and down my leg the way i do on my feet. I figure it will take a few attempts to get there since it did with my feet.

At some point on my left leg i did feel like there was something lagging behind my awareness.That is how the pulsing initially felt on my feet but on my leg it lasted only a short while.

Conclusion:

Today went well but i did this after work again and was a little tired so i feel like i didn't get as much out of it.I think next time i will to try to see if i can notice the pulsing up and down my legs more. It's easier when it starts pulsing because it becomes automatic and i don't have to concentrate as much to keep the sensations going.It seems like this would be the ideal way to go but maybe I'm just lazy, ha.

[heliac]

Afternoon session:

Relaxation:

Not a problem today. I teared and yawned a lot but was able to get pretty relaxed.

Breathing:

Nothing too interesting happened. Was getting distracted by random thoughts every now and then though.

MBA:

I started getting sleepy again. Dozed off a little when i got to my right foot again.Didn't really have a productive MBA session just kept getting sleepy so i finished up and took a nap.

Upon waking from the nap, i decided to re-do the leg MBA practice.It went much better. I found that the sponging action is felt more pronounced when i slow down the brush rate. I believe the book says it should take around 3 seconds but i feel i get more out of it if i go at it around 5 or 6 seconds.

I also felt like i should break it down a little first.So, i sponged up to my knee and then back down to the foot. Once that was going good i sponged up to the hip and back down to the foot.While doing this my muscles were twitching a little and felt fuzzy.

I tried bouncing and wasn't able to get any automatic bounce through my legs, only in my feet.I started playing around with alternating the bounce speed rates and it seemed like the bouncing sensation was better.

[CFTraveler]

I also felt like i should break it down a little first.So, i sponged up to my knee and then back down to the foot. Once that was going good i sponged up to the hip and back down to the foot.While doing this my muscles were twitching a little and felt fuzzy.

I always find this to be helpful. Even after years of doing it I find that I sometimes need to go slower at times.
You're doing very well in your progress- the bouncing not being 'instantly' perfect is very normal too, and when you do get it you may find that splitting awareness makes both sides go at different speeds. This is also par for the course too.

[heliac]

I also felt like i should break it down a little first.So, i sponged up to my knee and then back down to the foot. Once that was going good i sponged up to the hip and back down to the foot.While doing this my muscles were twitching a little and felt fuzzy.

I always find this to be helpful. Even after years of doing it I find that I sometimes need to go slower at times.
You're doing very well in your progress- the bouncing not being 'instantly' perfect is very normal too, and when you do get it you may find that splitting awareness makes both sides go at different speeds. This is also par for the course too.

Hi CFTraveler,

I did feel the bouncing speeds differ in my legs. My left leg bounced faster than my right leg.I tried matching the speeds together at a rate somewhere in between the two speeds but couldn't quite do it. My focus started to give away when i tried it and i gave up. I was starting to get a little groggy at that point too.

[heliac]

Evening Session Day 8:

Relaxation:

Relaxation was goood today.I got nice and toasty. When i tighten my face my eyes tear up a lot and i have to wipe them off, it starts to burn my eyes if i leave it.

Breathing:

I liked changing up the breathing. Counting to 12 is a little more involving and with my deeper exhales i felt like my throat was getting nice and relaxed with every exhale.

MBA:

I decided to change the chair i sit in for this. The new one is less comfortable than the last one and i was hoping it would keep me from dozing off. It didn't. My left/right foot went fine i can pretty much get the bouncing sensation that moves on its own to show up after sponging just by thinking about it.

When i got to my legs i started getting sleepy. I really didn't get to do a good leg MBA session going because i kept dozing off.I caught myself here and there and woke up a little more and moved on to my hands skipping the leg bouncing.

The hand stimulation went OK. I was still a little groggy while doing it but i was able to get feelings of little hairs all over my hands. I had some pains in my right hand on one spot on my thumb and on another spot somewhere around the back of my hand, i couldn't pin point exactly where.I looked at the spot on my thumb afterwards and saw there is a little round scar there. I'm not too sure where that came from, must have been from something when i was younger but i don't remember what.

My hands and feet still get hot but only initially when things start moving.After that they kind of level off and get nice and warm instead of being hot. I think I'm going to see this as improvement because the heat was a little uncomfortable, not too bad though. The weird thing about when my hands and feet would get hot is that they would stay hot long after i ended the MBA session.

Conclusion:

Dozing off is getting a little discouraging. I feel like I'm not getting as much out of the sessions as i could if i weren't dozing off.I think ill just try taking a 20 minute nap prior to doing this, if i do it at night, and see how that goes.