Heliac's MAP Practice

[heliac]

Evening Session: Day 9

Relaxation:

I relaxed as usual couldn't quite get as mellow as usual though.

Breathing:

Breathing went fine all though i think I'm breathing in a little too much by the time i get to the higher numbers, felt like i was straining a little bit.

MBA:

I tried something different today to try to combat the drowsiness. Instead of taking a nap prior to the MAP session which would make it harder for me to fall a sleep when it is time to.I sat up on the edge on my seat instead of leaning back against the backrest. I have to say, so far so good, as i didn't get sleepy at all and my awareness and sensations were very good.

A drawback to sitting on the edge of my seat as opposed to against the backrest, which i noticed right away, is that it is a bit harder to get completely relaxed and to hang on to that relaxed feeling. I kept having to adjust my posture because my back would get tired from sitting up straight for a while. This was a little distracting but didn't seem to affect the MBA sensations i was getting.

Another drawback was in the breathing. My breathing just seemed different and a little strained and my chest felt tense and tight from keeping my self upright. This was initially the most distracting. Once i started with toe swirling whenever i inhaled the sensation would fade with the inhale and I'm pretty sure this was because a part of my attention got distracted by the more noticeable breathing patterns when sitting upright.

So, i watched the sensations fade and my attention waiver with each breath and once it did waiver i pulled it back to the brushing sensation on my big toe. Eventually i forgot about my breath, either my breathing became shallow and less noticeable or i started holding my breath, which i did catch myself doing later on.

I was getting really great warm flowing sensations on my feet although they did get hot again on the skin level but throughout my feet was warm "air".Another thing i noticed that started happening was my torso started to slightly rock and lean with the flow and brushing that i felt in my feet. When i was brushing up and down my foot my torso started to very very slightly rock forward and back. When i brushed laterally across the toes my torso rocked side to side when i did stirring on the soles on my feet my torso kind of did this mini stirring as well.This pretty much happened until i got to my arms where it stopped.

Sensations in the legs was much better this time. I felt my legs were full and like the were expanding from the inside out, like there were filling with blood.

The hands went great. They were very sensitive to the brushing, stirring and sponging actions.My hands didn't get hot at all this time. By this time my attention was starting to waiver a little and i started daydreaming about something, i think football, by the time i got to my left hand pinky.

Its funny though because while i was thinking about the giants awesome defense, part of my awareness was still going through the pinky brushing. I still felt the brushing sensations just not as fully and that is actually how i caught myself daydreaming, the sensations started lacking.

When i got to my right hand i was getting pretty tired. Not drowsy tired like i was about to fall asleep, buy physically, my back was starting to hurt a little and i just felt pressure to stop. So, instead of stopping i abbreviated it and refocused. Instead of doing the ballpoint stirring outward at so and so many loops i just stirred all at once in one big stirring sensation.

This actually worked pretty good but made me feel a little dizzy in the head while i was stirring for some reason.I did it on the palm of my right hand as well and got very dizzy. It wasn't an unbearable or unpleasant dizziness just kind of unexpected and strange.

Another finding was that when i got to my right pinky i felt some aching around the knuckle. I broke a metatarsal when i was younger in a fist fight and the pain was actually similar (but not nearly as intense at all) to the pain from the day when i broke it.

The pain that i felt on my thumb from day 8 was gone.

The arm brushing and sponging was fine and when i did both arms simultaneously i felt like the change charged them up a little more.

Conclusion:

I don't remember reading in MAP that you could sit upright on the edge of your seat. I'm wondering if there is a reason for it. One reason i can think of is that your relaxation level may be limited since you will have to keep yourself upright for a prolonged period of time.

I definitely don't feel as relaxed as i do when sitting back but i do feel more awake and energized, seems like there is a trade off at the moment.What is more important though, being relaxed but getting into a pattern of falling asleep during the excersizes or not being quite as relaxed but being able to finish the excersizes without falling asleep?

[heliac]

MAP Evening Sessionay 10

Relaxation:

Relaxation went pretty good today. I decided to sit at the edge of my chair again to keep myself from falling asleep.
Because of this i wasn't quite physically relaxed as i would be if i were sitting against the back rest.

Breathing:

Breathing went fine. i used this time to relax even further...

MBA:

Initially my feet were a little chilly. After some brushing they got nice and warm and as i was brushing and sponging i could feel them start to "thaw out" as they got warmer. I think doing the MBA exercises opens the blood vessels and brings more blood to the area i am focusing on.

I actually did get a little drowsy even sitting upright on my chair. Because of this i couldn't quite get as aware of the sensations as last time but i still had a good smooth MBA session.

My hands were also a little chilly and got nice and warm when i brushed them.Bouncing through the arms is easier and more noticeable than with my legs.

Conclusion:

I did not except too much today. I am still recovering a little from the hotel Rivington penthouse/rooftop party i was at last night. I met the most amazingly hot and beautiful girl i'd ever seen in my life there, man she just made me go WEEOH WEEOH WEE WEEOH WEEOH WEE like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKfBO-xDEzI
-Allowed-Admin

haha, sorry, I'm such a cornball.

I'm actually remember my dreams a lot more too in the morning. I've also been waking up a few times during the night from dreams. Not because they are nightmares or crazy dreams but because i think I'm just opening myself up to the opportunities to remember them.

[heliac]

Afternoon Session: DAY 11

Relaxation:

This went fine. My neck was particularly tight though. i Had to keep coming back to it to relax it more.

Breathing:

This went fine as well. When i was relaxing down with my exhales i was getting nice an toasty and saw little poofs of like a neon violet color with my eyes closed. It was right in the center of my field of vision and was an expanding poof of bright violet.

I didn't pay too much attention to it after noticing it and keept going.

MBA:

This went well today. My feet were a little chilly again and they thawed out when i got to the sole of the foot spiraling.

Leg bouncing went better than usual today, the bouncing kicked in by itself and i just watched it bounce up and down. It was actually bouncing pretty fast.

Hands went really well. My hands are much more sensitive than my feet and legs. They get so nice and warm and when i get to the palm spiraling it just expands out the warmth even more. When i do the hand spiraling i feel a lot of expanding, almost like there is something pushing out of my palms.

When i do this i have my hands placed palm down on top of my laps and i can feel the expanding from my hands go into the top of my legs. Its like a warmth and almost reminds of a static electricity sensation. Kind of like that little pushing sensation you get when you put your hand up in from of a tv screen or on a balloon after you rub the balloon on your hair to create a charge.

Bouncing in the arms came very easy. Only thing is i felt like the bouncing wasn't stopping at my shoulder. It would pretty much go passed my shoulder on its own and cross my collar bones and then bounce back to the arms.

Spinal bouncing was actually a little tough. I didn't feel like i was able to get it going. The only area i was able to feel any significant sensation was from the back of my head to the top of my head. Sensations up and down my spin were pretty weak and my back really started hurting when i was doing this.

Conclusion:

I think im going to have to start putting more time in the spine because that area felt very very weak compared to my arms and legs.

[heliac]

Evening Session: Day 15, Energy Raising

Relaxation:

Fine.

Breathing:

Adding clouds of color felt very nice and added to relaxation. I found that adding a slight seemless pause for exhale to inhale and inhale to exhale helped out.During the pause i would get mentally ready to inhale the silver cloud and exhale the tension. I used this time to really relax and empty out any excess tension and discomfort.

MBA Prestim:

My feet usually get hot or are warm. Today for some reason they felt cool. They didnt get warm but were a plesant cool temperature.So i brushed around the cool temperature in my feet and it felt rather refreshing.

My hands and arms get buzzed fairly quickly now and it doesnt take much to activate them.They got nice and warm nto cool like my feet.My feet are still cool and my hands still warm and buzzing as i'm writing this.

Full body bouncing still is a little shaky. Can't quite get a good feel for this.The bouncing sensations are faint, but there, and difficult to maintain.This exercise in particular doesn't really motivate me i'd like to discard it and spend more time on brushing/sponging.Any bouncing or pulsing i get usually happens on its own from brushing or sponging.If i try to emulate the pulsing/bouncing i get for some reason it doesnt work as good.

Energy Raising:

This was actually quite surprising. I didn't think i would get anything from it right away because i didn't think i would be able to fit a whole body sponge in 2-3 seconds.

I was able too fit a whole sponge in the 3 second suggested time frame. I used the same breathing pattern from the breathing exercise only once i sponged to the top of my head i gently paused and collected and then gently exhaled down to my navel, paused slightly getting ready to flick to feet and sponge again etc....

A few things i noticed while raising:

1.Eventhough my feet were cool the energy coming up to my head was nice and warm and soothing.

2.As i sponged up passed the back of my head i felt like my sinuses opened up and i could breath a little better through my nose. I initially noticed this in day 13 and 14 when brushing up my spine to the top of my head too. There is a difference with the energy rasing though. Shortly after brushing in day 13 and 14, after i stopped the exercises, my sinuses would go back to normal. But, after doing the energy raising i feel like my sinues are still open and it's been about an hour since i've stopped doing the exercise.

3.When i would get to my crown from raising my ears got warm and they are still warm.

4.After a few raising pulls when i got to my crown i felt like i was wearing a hat.This has subsequently gone away but was still presant when i first started writing this up.

5.When i passed down my forehead and face i started seeing the little blobs of color in my head and again it was a bright neon violet color.The color was following the flow of the sponging so as i felt the sponging pull down my face the blobs of color moved down towards that direction too. Initially there was a defined round blob shape to it that dissipated as it flowed down with the sponging.The color faded into another one, kind of a light neon greenish color as it dissipated down.

6.My neck is still very tense. As i sponge down my throat i feel it warm up and loosen up along with my jaw. I feel like i should have it more loosened somehow prior to raising.

7.Once i get to my sub-navel center i feel it "light up". That is really the only way i can describe it. I feel like a band around my waist light up, its kind of strange because there was no mention of that. I didnt really feel like a little center at the sub navel. Once i got to that area i felt something light up and spread out like a band around my waist by itself, haha i'm repeating myself. i wish i could use better words than "light up" but that is all i can think of to describe the feeling. Kind of like if you can imagine what it would feel like to turn on a light...kind of corny ha!

Conclusion:
I actually probably didn't do the full 10 minutes of energy raising. It caught me by surprise how the sponging flowed up with my breathing. i felt like i was guiding it but at the same time doing the raising started to get me in that weird dropping deepening state of mind and that just feels weird to me.

Edits.
Just reading over stuff and fixing typos. I pretty much go into stream of consciousness mode when i write here and don't pay attention to grammar/spelling/sentence structure/word choice. Didn't realize how bad it was.

[heliac]

Evening Session: Day 16

MBA Energy Raising:

I noticed the same things from yesterday today. One thing i did differently today is i switched between following my breath while energy raising and ignoring my breath while raising. It feels more natural to me to ignore my breath while raising. Taking deep breaths after a while kind of tightens my throat and jaw area a little and i end up spending more time just trying to keep track of not tensing up when taking a deep breath than putting all my attention on the energy raising.

[heliac]

Day 18:

I was away for a week and didn't have much time to do MAP, so picking up now.

Relaxation:
Fine. One thing that i tried a little different that i think i read somewhere but can't remember where was imagining that my body is made of lead and feeling the weight of gravity pushing down on my body. This worked pretty good and helped relax a little more.

Breathing:
Fine

MBA:

I would have thought i would have to start over from scratch as far as the sensitivity to the brushing and soaking sensations.It pretty much was as sensitive as it was where i left off so that is good.

I really felt some good soaking up in my arms and legs they were buzzing up pretty good.

Full body circuit went fairly well. i pretty much tried to take the warm buzzing from my legs and draw it up my spine and down to the sub navel.

I still feel like i can draw up the warm soaking sensation without following my breath a lot better than when following my breath.Only thing is i feel like i can pour it down from the top of my head to my sub navel better when following an exhale.But while drawing the warmth up i feel like i am better off not following my exhale, although i just do both.

Also, when it comes time to bring the warmth down from the top of my head, i feel like it gets a little stuck or something around my sinuses. I really have to focus to get it to go down once it gets to my nose/mouth area. I feel like it comes down all the way in the back of the roof of my mouth and down my throat.

I don't always feel like im bringing it down all the way.Sometimes it just feels like it goes from a nice warm flow to a trickle but i know it is getting down to my sub navel because i can feel the sub navel area kind of light up and it feels like there is something there.

On a side note, the whole week that i didn't get to sit down and do the actual practice i pretty much did things here and there, mostly drawing to my sub navel. After a while sometimes i would just be sitting around and out of no where it would feel like i would have a bowling ball sitting on my lap in my crotch/belly area.

Mind Exercises:

I did the spot focus and i was able to do fairly well with it. One interesting observation:
The little spot i was focusing on was against a white background. Sometimes my eyes would start to de-focus and cross and i would start seeing double.

Another thing that happened was that i started seeing the little blobs of color with my eyes open. I couldn't see them quite as good as with my eyes closed but it seemed to be the same phenomenon.This time i saw a yellowish color which is interesting because i was inhaling a yellow color when i was doing the breathing exercise.

Notes:
I'm going to add in this "notes" section for things that occur during the day outside of sit down sessions that are worth noting.

I'm noticing that the temperature of the energy sensations i get changes. Sometimes it is warm, sometimes it is hot sometimes cool or cold.

I just got back from a run in the park and when i sat down i felt some very nice cool sensations running down my chest and abdomen. It wasn't sweat or anything because i felt it inside my skin.

I also get that bowling ball in the gut sensation when i sit down a lot now.It just feels like something sitting there in my gut/lap in the sub navel area.

I tried moving it because it felt stagnant so i used the spiraling motion clockwise and it felt like my guts and intestines where slowly moving around.Then i tried spiraling it forward and from there i could feel very very slightly that the body circuit was moving along with it except i didn't feel any sponging up from my legs it was pretty much just moving from the sub navel area around to my tail bone and then up my back and around back to the sub navel.

Its a lot easier doing the circuit like this because it was happening by itself as long as i was stiring the sub navel bowling ball forward.

[heliac]

MAP Day 22:

Breathing:
Fine. A lot of chatter though.

MBA:
This went well, better than usual. I was really using internal dialog to feel like i was drawing in and absorbing a lot of warmth and tingling. This internal dialog worked very well and helped me stay focused.

Full Body Circuit:
This went very well also i felt like i was able to breath in a lot of warmth from my legs and although i lose touch of the warmth around midback level it comes back when i get to my head. From there i could really feel the warmth pour down my head to my sub navel area.

The sub navel area became nice and warm but a little achy at times too.

I really felt myself going deep as i would pour the warmth down to my sub navel area and i felt like my head had become very very clear and focused and then....i could have sworn i heard the chair not to far from me move and it startled me out of being in the zone.I figured it was one of the neighbors and forgot about it and moved on.

Base Center Stimulation:

I couldn't quite get as deep as i was when i was doing the circuit but i was able to draw a lot from my legs into the base center.I almost immediately felt some movement in the genitals and then took my mind off that real quick and started drawing up from my legs into the base center again. I kept feeling like the warmth was expanding out into the genitals but it wasn't too distracting.

Stirring sensation went well, i tried the joy buzzer sensation and it was ok but not as apparent as it is on my palms and feet. Then i tried big stirring, which is basically just taking a BIG stir and that worked pretty well, my hips felt like they were going to start rotating around with the big stir sensation and this made me think of dancing at the club for a second, hehe.

Also what happened when i was doing the big stir i felt like i was wearing a hat on my head again and got a little dizzy it distracted me a little so i stopped doing that.

Tearing sensation worked very well. I felt like this was relaxing the muscle in that area really deeply. I started to try to feel the tearing deeper in the muscle and it just relaxed it more.

Notes:

A few days ago i was doing sponging up my legs and i started falling asleep.As i was falling asleep i noticed some slight muscles twitching which is normal for me. So at some point i dozed off but i think maybe i kept doing the sponging while i was sleeping. I was awoken by my hamstring muscle twitching like crazy, so much so that it actually woke me up.

When this happened i said to myself internally to my muscle "WHOA WHOA WHOA TAKE IT EASY OVER THERE" and the twitching immediately stopped. I thought this was pretty funny though.

[CFTraveler]

Your muscles are much more responsive to you than mine. When that happens to me, they keep doing it 'til they're done.

[heliac]

Your muscles are much more responsive to you than mine. When that happens to me, they keep doing it 'til they're done.

Yea that was the weird part about this because normally the twitching feels like it is completely involuntary so asking it to stop mentally doesn't work.

I guess part of the twitching is caused or at least correlated to whatever is happening on the backend from sponging, so not completely involuntary.Stopping sponging=stopping whatever the sponging is dong internally to cause twitching=no more twitching, HA.

[heliac]

Day Something??:

MBA:

Sponging to the arms and legs went well i was able to really feel them soak up the warmth. I havn't gotten the hot sensations lately either its pretty much just warm fuzziness now.

Full body circuit:
Still dont really feel much going up my back but i do once my attention gets to my head.When the warmth pours down my front down to my belly i can feel myself mentally going deeper.

Primary Stim:

Base center
Went fine like last time. I guess i can feel the swirling around more intently and generally i am able to feel the center better.

Navel center:
Felt similar to the base center maybe over a larger surface area though. This area gets particularly warm although both the base and this area get warm pretty good. When they do warm up i can feel the subnavel center warm up too and they kind of share the warmth together.

The base center in particular starts to connect to the subnavel center on its own and that is when the warmth starts combining between the three areas.but i don't really feel this until i get to the navel center.

Inbetween the navel and heart center:

This guy i don't feel that much going on, i cant even really locate it compared to the other centers so far, HA!

Heart center:
This one was interesting because as soon as i sponged up to the heart center i felt like the sponging went up to my throat and face on its own.This one felt rather pleasant to spend time on although i didn't spend too much time on it.

The tearing sensation started feeling more deep inside my body than the others and it felt more like a spreading open than tearing.

Notes:

I had some very interesting experiences the last few nights. I remembered reading in MAP that it is ok to do primary stimulation when going to sleep so i figured i would try that.

The first night i tried it everything was going fine and my mind got very very clear as i was dozing off and doing the primary stim at the same time.I could sort of watch myself falling asleep and didn't really fight it.I think i was doing the energy work in my sleep or something because at some point i woke up to some very real and intense buzzing on the side of my head.

It was similar to the sensation i feel when i imagine the joy buzzer sensation when doing sitting MBA sessions but MUCH more real. I was awake enough to notice it and kind of watch the buzzing move around on the side of my head on its own but i was paralyzed, i couldnt move.

Being paralyzed didn't freak me out because i am very used to waking up paralyzed, it happened to me all the time when i was younger and i just pretty much would wait till it wears off roll over and fall asleep.There actually was a period when i was younger where i would wake up 3 or 4 times a night because of sleep paralysis and i didn't really know what it was until i got to college and we started talking about dreaming.

Anyways, so luckily i wasn't freaked out by being paralyzed so i just watched the buzzing move around on its own. Honestly it felt like some other intelligence was moving it around and that actually freaked me out more.So i decided to take control of the buzzing cuz it really just felt like someone was messing with me while i was sleeping running a buzzer along the side of my head. I moved it around in circles and around my ear and up to the top of my head. When i did this the buzzing took over on its own again and circled around the top of my head and dropped down in through the crown and that is where i stop remembering what happened.

Part 2 of interesting stuff at night was last night, now this experience was really weird.

I did the same primary center stim as falling asleep and i was really clear in the head and watch my self drift off while stimming. I felt the same intensified buzzing only this time i could see, very hazy, but i could see where i was situated.It was very tricky though i felt like i was going in and out of sleep, i tried moving to see if i was awake and i couldn't so i knew i was fully asleep but i could still see so i figured i was dreaming i was laying in bed but wasnt completely conscious maybe 90%.

While i was struggling to get more aware i heard what sounded like a little animal scurrying around a few feet away from my bed. I remember thinking "what the hell is that" and this pretty much made me 100% conscious because i was very curious what was making that sound.OYE, the scurrying got closer and i felt something jump on my bed and crwal around my back up to my shoulder. Now, i don't have any animals in my apartment so it wasn't anything physical. I was still able to see but couldn't move but i saw out of the corner of my eye a silohette of its head and right when it saw that i saw it it darted out of my view and behind my shoulder again.

Needless to say this really freaked me out but i still knew i was dreaming so i kind of had this mentality in the back of my mind that whatever is happening isn't real.I was still very curious about what this thing was playing around with me and i thought to myself you know if i could just go out of body i would be able to just go find out.

So i don't know how to go out of body yet because i haven't gotten up to that part yet but first thing that came to my mind was to just reach out and grab at something and pull myself out. So i felt myself reach out and i saw my own arm but it was kind of like a bluish color and it looked like my hands and fingers were really long and witch like.

I couldn't get out in the end because i was looking at my hand and arm and was like WTF and that pretty much woke me up completely HA.