Originally Posted by
buttercup
awful day today. spilled tea on my keyboard,volatile emotions,and feeling all over the place with moods such as empty,lonely,guilty,angry,etc,etc. realized my root chakra is quite unbalanced too so listening to music heal that and move up as i do my gratitude list.
-not being average
-having a mindset that doesn't believe in the limitations and restrictions the average mindset does
-checking in with myself to see how i feel and how i can heal it so i can balance myself. like,my diet has been crap again the two days and my mood went down with it so that shows i need to get back on track with diet.wrists been bothering me which shows holistically a lack of movement and ease in life which makes sense so i will do yoga for wrists.my body has felt weaker in general too like it's stressed and feel like it's calling for yoga so i may do some deep yoga the next few days.
-the junk foods i ate tonight. i know it's not helping me inside but sometimes you need to let yourself eat crappy food and feel bad.iit's the equivalent for me of the girl getting dumped eating icecream. had hummus,coke,candy hearts,and crackers and enjoyed it very much. funny enough,that doesn't even sound that bad compared to what some may consider junk food but for me that is bad.it's funny and interesting how my body has gotten all this weakness and pains and i've been overeating ever since two weeks ago. it shows i'm affected by things.my poor shoulders,wrists feel awful and my body just is craving yoga and i've been wanting to eat everything which makes sense since i feel so empty it's like i'm trying to fill myself up
-this root chakra music i am listening to now. it is helping. if i feel drawn to something that will make me feel good,i will do it as long as i don't get obsessive about loa processes,it's ok to do things you feel drawn to.
-the sounds of the cars at night,and the sounds of birds chirping. so soothing.
-my ex A contacting me randomly. it made me feel good actually. he was being dominant in a way some may find offensive but didnt bother me and trying to kidnap me. lol. he was saying he was drunk though and it was early and it seemed i was better off declining the invite. i almost went as it felt the distraction may be good for me but someone told me their intution told them i shouldnt go,and i also felt maybe i should keep my standards higher since it seemed he possibly wanted to hookup.however,strangely,after i declined,i felt in a better mood. being invited out boosted my mood and got me more positive again.
-my cardio workout and how good it felt to jump it out.
-after ex invited me out,i came across an inspiring thread on loa forum about ex back and that put me in a good mood reading it and taking some inspiration from it and seeing i'm not forgiving myself at all,i keep trying to backtrack what i did wrong and am not forgiving myself at all.i had felt inkling of that too the other day,that forgivenes is something i need to do for myself to speed up healing.i keep worrying of this or that wrong and eff that. that's not loving myself. loving myself is loving me mistakes and all and not obsessing,but being ok with it,and letting it go. how are you going to manifest if there's any un at ease anyways? so,cleared that blockage up.the thread inspired me a lot with being reminded to love myself and kept my vibe up again for a few hours.
-the little bursts of visualizing i did and feeling my third eye chakra move and the strong hits of energy i sent and the idea i had to use sexual thoughts to make it stronger since i've not done that yet either and know that to be very powerful. i will start doing more visualizing. it's a great skill to develop and very empowering.
-best friend saying that's exactly the symptom he gets too when i asked if the forehead sensation i have is what he gets,too.
-realizing i manifested best friend to be really into spirituality.i had affirmed for that for some time now and today he revealed he even believes in the possibility of past lives now
-my personality
-healing
-how empowered i felt from visualizing and certain
-that i can only go up from here. all the symptoms,and now i'll heal each one and move up more and more.i haven't been trying enough because i've lacked the self love but now i will.
-the aquarius info from the message boards online that helped
-how inspired i am after the last of crabby moods and a fight with best friend that made me feel like i'm using this energy of pain and anger and all this b.s and i'm going to become better for it,and stronger,and have a awakening.i'm going to go back to august. that bliss of august. after the pain of losing loved one,in august,i discovered something achingly intense and beautiful and affirming of healing that changed me and i had just moved to my new apartment and remember i told myself when i took time out to sort of heal and do some meditations and went to a very meditative place,i told myself to remember anytime life gets hard,i can come back here,and i'll be ok then. that place. that meditative place. it was the beautiful porch balcony i loved,but it was metaphorically the meditative place i spoke of since i knew the next day i'd be going back to life again. that's what i'm going back to. i'm using this unexpected setback to inspire me to me better,and heal in new ways,and become better then ever at loa and manifest new deeply healing miracles because i found something back in august and it was amazing and i can always go back there. it's funny but a memory of the last reflective thing i had in my mind back then was A who is intense connection i feel that i've never even kissed,and he randomly messaged right after that. that place is a magic place that sorts me out and allows me to manifest easy things that only in a low vibe place do i consider them tricky.i manifested texts from D in that place,to a check i thought would never come,all from just gently guiding myself there. it's amazing and eerie how much time has passed but solace is knowing time is no time,is one time.lol. living in a riddle soothes me. i'm so grateful for the super inspiration i got from all this intense wtf pain. the inspiration to be stronger,better,and remember truth again. i've felt sooo guilty,and i forgot what you seek is seeking you. my favorite quote.i think i did get lazy a little with B stuff going on and that maybe all this happened to remind me of how much better i can be and how much more for me is out there,and to push it otherwise i would get too lazy and lower myself.i mean,i didn't feel that at all with B. i got a little content,yes but still felt inspired to go for it,i got a little attached,but still loved myself,but maybe if i kept going down that path,i would've started to lower my confidence and i would've gotten content and the universe wanted to remind that hey wait up,you are powerful and can have so much and need to make sure you keep growing. again,thought i was growing,but maybe i had to make sure i was really ready to see how powerful i can be. maybe i had to do these crazy things i wouldn't have done if B hadn't said this wasnt working out. trying these dating sites just to affirm for me,it doesnt work and that you only meet people when it's right,and to contact J just to see thats done and to just know,and of course,that look you are in control of your reality but you are letting your reality control you. it's been a bizarre two weeks. scary,too.
-realizing how much i need to get my life in gear. bad timing,maybe but maybe also good timing,point is,i need to get it in gear.i have no idea where these last two weeks went! but,i have intentions for this year.
-how loving and kind i feel and want to be towards others.i am inspired by love of the spiritual sense and how i see spiritual teachers i admire being. it used to seem fake to me but now i admire it
-all the inspiration around me
-all the things i want to do
-keeping my thoughts positive in the moment
-the awesome vday ecard that is hilarious to send best friend
-acknowledging my feelings and healing and guiding them. knowing i create my reality.
-believing in certain things healing
-when certain people from my past tell me i'm a ---- when i say something complaining about my looks basically saying i have no reason to complain and reminding me to have confidence because i'm very beautiful in an above average kind of way and have already proven that.
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