Sinera's Lucidiary

[Sinera]

I sometimes doubt this was a void. I think it was rather an "inner sense blackout." Never mind you see it outside yourself - you weren't able to construct the outer reality perception in your mind as your inner senses weren't giving the needed information yet.
You experienced upward mobility but you didn't quite make it there yet. Something like this is to be expected if you're really still working on the 5th and 6th chakras of the astral body. When you're done with those, you would have seen something.

Yes, this might all be the case and that's why I speculated on a "body switch" as underlying reason. But of course, you point out well that the problem lies with switching the inactive chakra(s) on instead of a body switch. Makes much sense to me since it probably was still the astral body changing subplanes we're talking about. However, isn't there a slight possibilty that I was about to really 'enter' the mental plane but could not access the mental body?

Anyway, regarding the velvet blackness, I'm still a bit clueless now, as so many APers report on "the void". So maybe this 'inner sense blackout' as you call it is in fact due to plane switching / upward movement and is thus is the case for all of them? Wouldn't be a contradiction for me. "The Void" is really a kind of general phenomenon and hence this might be one valid explanation for it (just speculating though)?

I still need to stress that I was still moving 'upward', since it felt this way despite the blackness. And it was then my deliberate decision to stop and go back to body. I could have gone on. I could have tried harder with affirmations or other techniques to get vision or other perceptions. But I didn't try as I was still 'in transit' so to speak (... stupid me). It was 'not really' a failed attempt this time since I did not do an attempt. I just broke off the journey. That's why the question for me still remains open as to what would have happened had I just gone on and probably 'made it' somewhere. To "make it" here means either to switch on the upper chakra(s) and/or 'access' the plane (perception) which is, if I understand you right, somehow related anyway?

Certainly you are right, especially my 5th chakra is a weak point, probably the ones above it, too. I am trying to do more energy training for it now, be meditating on it, and also ordered some crystals now for the throat chakra (lapis lazuli, chalcedon).

On the other hand, I think that as of now it is not impossible for me to reach Summerland or any higher plane. That's why I am motivated to try it again. I would not try it if I thought it is not possible for the moment and tried sth else instead (I still attempt to apply efficiency to my efforts).

And maybe you remember my lucidventure where I had made it to "The Library" once, which I assume to be on a higher astral plane, too. It was actually Kurt who then even told me it was on a lower mental plane. Theoretically, shoudn't I even already have a mental body ready and functioning if I made it there once? I don't understand this now. So it should already be possible for me to get to some of the higher planes, even with a not properly functioning vehicle such as mine. Maybe with a little bit of luck or help from a guide who has a good day (or better: both of us ).

And I had other also experiences where I as 'drawn up' to higher levels, supposedly by helpers. Sometimes with and sometimes without vision, but always with felt hands and upwards movement.

One of the more recent ones (not written down in this journal) was being lifted by a hand which I then noticed to be a very muscular arm with tatoos on it. I found this suspicious then and stopped. Then I was in a 'room' where everything was white. I saw the 'whole' guy who had dragged me before to this level and he looked like a body builder a bit, at least he was sturdy and muscular. He smiled and looked otherwise harmless though. I was a bit put aback by his appearance though, not afraid, just wondering about this guy. Then there was a little dwarf woman appearing next to him (or me) making funny boxing gestures to me as if I was expected to fight this guy now. However, I interpreted this to be just a kind of metaphor, as the whole situation was so ridiculous, even comical (I almost laughed then). I then faded out of the scene. Well, perhaps this little episode was to show me that it is "still" a real "feat" to "heave" me "up there" and therefore I need to 'afford' a weight-lifter type (with a dwarf wife???) of helper to achieve it.

[Korpo]

Hello, Volgerle.

As I've mentioned before, Kurt believes that one masters a certain body and gets to explore the body above it - as for example the pair astral body/mental body. In this case you have two very different kind of experiences - one where key features seem to be missing, or only the lower chakras are active to some degree, and one that seems more complete, coherent, lucid and clear. In the case of your astral/mental body pair, the lower one would be the more clear, and the mental body the less clear one.

You've had experiences in the past that you thought were throwbacks behind what you already seemed to be able to do - lack of control, lack of lucidity. There might be problems with recall or limited abilities. This can be either due to simulations or due to the limitations of the body you're exploring. When I began exploring the mental body, I had this adventure:

I was having a WILD. I was drifting into it, thinking I was imagining it. I was moving down a hallway towards a door, still not convinced the experience was beyond my own fantasy. I looked to the right - outside the window I saw outer space and the sun rising above the Earth. Now I realised that this was real and I was having a lucid experience, because I didn't expect this to happen. Excitedly I opened the door, stepped through and suddenly dropped into - nothing. Nothing at all. No sense of movement, no sense of anything. Just nothing everywhere. Not even a space. Just I and nothing else.

Notice the similarities with your void experience, even though there was in your case the presence of a body (1st chakra), a feeling of being in a space (2nd chakra) and a feeling of movement (3rd chakra). Notice also how I was first in an environment with full lucidity, a coherent inner sense perception including visuals, and then I dropped into something that only meant my first chakra was present at most - no sense of space or movement and no inner sense perceptions.

In this sense we can say you had some inner sense blackout. It meant you were stretching beyond the capability of your astral body and the chakras that were active during that time. It might or might not have included a switch to the mental body. In either case there seem to be not enough inner sense perceptions about your environment filter through your energy bodies to form a coherent picture of your surroundings. You could not tell where you were nor did you spot other beings (no 4th chakra), no sign of 5th chakra activity as you could not communicate with others or your environment, no visuals meant also basic 6th center activity, as you were not able yet to render a coherent picture out of the information.

My experience with the mental body was this - visuals only started to appear when I was developing the 4th center. I had an experience like yours moving through a black space, but definitely having some sort of body (1st chakra), feeling the space around me (2nd chakra), and feeling the movement (3rd chakra) but still not seeing much. When I started developing the 4th chakra, I was suddenly getting visuals again, but it was rather dream-like - little lucidity (basic 6th center activation). I was getting a feel where I was, what was around me, I started seeing sign posts, was traveling on roads and such.

Till you've mastered the astral body you're doing both. It's like taking courses in parallel - an advanced one you cannot yet fully devote yourself to, and a more basic one that you need to pass more urgently. In the astral body you're definitely facing challenges from the fifth chakra - developing speech and communication, receiving and sending and translating. And remember also that this means both speaking and hearing - it all filters through the senses you're developing, either way. So, when you develop the fifth chakra you move from silent guides to simple, basic and often nonsensical conversations, then to a bit more of a coherence with some weirdness mixed in, till finally your energetic vocabulary at this level develops and you get more fluid. This has been present in your experiences, especially when you complained that your guides had problems expressing themselves.

Oh, by the way, I don't think you've missed out on anything by stopping. There's nothing in this you can push. You can only stretch so far in these matters. It's not like your chakras suddenly pop on, you basically work on your nonphysical chakra aspects by having these experiences, and they best develop organically along the lines of those lessons presented to you by your dreams and lucidventures. Experiences over time may highlight the capabilities of the different bodies, contrast them against each other, allow you to switch between, go up and down, and so on. Sometimes everything falls into place and you can have a higher experience of greater coherence. And then for a while it may not. Still, all in all it is growth for the whole of your being.

[Sinera]

22/Apr/2012
Punin

This time no 'exit' but getting lucid in a dream. I am in a kind of municipal park or garden, but then somehow jump down onto a kind of main road with large sidewalks for pedestrians. I ask some of them about the name of this place but (as usual!) they are clueless as to my request and/or do not give me any intelligible answer. Then after walking for a few moments, I meet a former buddy of mine (let's call him Tim) talking to another acquaintance from my high school days. I greet both of them.

I ask Tim several questions or talk to him chat-wise but I do not remember much of it. I remember I ask him a bit helplessly then (in search for a 'purpose') what useful deed I could do here now. He looks at me quite earnestly and then says (approximate, paraphrased version):

"Help these children. They are looking for Punin. You know that place well as you lived there once, in 1609." I turn around and see two kids looking at me, curiously as kids are, expectantly and smiling.

Well, I don't know what happened then, maybe I am just for a lack of total lucidity still an 'astral dumbhead' somehow, but I seemed to lose interest in the conversation and suddenly had sth different 'in mind'. It's too stupid to tell here so I leave that one out.

Later, I also walk about in this same city again asking passengers if they knew the full name of Lady In Red / Sinera, which is one of my past life research tasks as you might know if you read many of my above posts. I meet one lady who appears (!) to be knowledgable and gives me a slip of paper with a complicated and long name on it that might be in spanish/catalan or portuguese. Then we also talk about the possibilty that Sinera is actually not a last but a first name. I do not remember more.

Comments / Afterthoughts

Hypothesis 1 - Retrieval:

My first thought was that I have a reason to be unsatisfied again, even angry with myself. Maybe I missed the chance for a kind of retrieval then? If (a guide disguised as) a friend hints to s.o. in need of help this could and should certainly be an opportunity to be of service.

Moreover, Hypothesis 1 and 2 (below) could apply both simultaneously since maybe these were kids from an area where I had spent a past life? This would explain why I should/could maybe help them because there was thus a relationship established?
Let's explore ...

Hypothesis 2 - Past Life In (Today's) Ecuador:

An argument against retrieval opportunity is that the kids did not look distressed (=in need of help) at all. Moreover, the reference to a place I should know already might hint to a past life. My asking for Sinera (afterwards) might be an indication that I had this research already again 'in the back of my mind' and hence I retrieved past life data from Tim here. Although Tom Campbell told me (in a private pm) that permanent "focussed intent" yields reliable results in past life research over time, which would exclude subconscious requests, I am not willing to rule out this possibility.

So I here's my little research on the location of "Punin", of which I'm certain to have never heard consciously before in my life (well .. this life...):

Punin is a little village in Ecuador. The reason why I favour this hypothesis is that the kids in the experience indeed looked like indigenous latin-american ("indio") children a little. Here's a picture of a kid living in Punin, it's from a charity's website (which proves that they live in poor circumstances). The kids I saw (2 boys of the same age) were indeed similar. They had dark hair and brown skin. I shall say that Southern European or any Arab origin would have been another possibilty though.

Speaking of the year given: In 1609, there was the Spanish conquest going on, destroying and replacing the Inca realm in that area. Of course, since it was not stated explicitly by Tim, it might also be 1609 B.C. instead of A.D.? There were some pre-Columbian and pre-Inca cultures there. They even found an old human cranium and skeleton dating back many thousands of years to pre-historic times.

Moreover and really fascinating: I saw this mirror image of an "native american" type of guy during one of my recent "astral past life mirror" experiments. Indeed, he might as well have been of a "native south-american" type, or that is "indio" instead of "indian" (which is what I wrote then).

Last not least: "Señora Sinera" might also have latin-american roots, and we know that I had her 'in mind' later during this experience. Her 'hispanic' looks leave at least open the columbian period (A.D.) alternative. Yes, this is all wild speculation now. More research to be done.

Hypothesis 3 - Magick / Hermetics:

It's a bit strange since I am not into role playing games at all and never was, so I wonder why this was given to me (if so). Punin is also a city in a fantasy world of such a game. "Dark Eye" is a real-person board game and only later there were computer versions done. Some say that in the astral fictional worlds also exist, especially if they are maintained by a collective of devoted players (the links to the wiki below attest to a very high devotion, if you ask me). Hence I would not state categorically that the city 'does not exist' at all. Another strange synchronicity: It's also a German role play and I am German, but I can swear I never heard about it!
Even more interesting for me: The city is, according to the German fan wiki, the seat of a Magicians Academy and I only recently (a few days ago actually!) started reading up on the subject of Magick and esp. Hermetics (Kybalion, Franz Bardon's works). So is there a relation? Is this coincidence? Also the year 1609 is given in this game as the start of the rule of a certain and rather dubious Magician's guild. Maybe it's a warning not to touch Magick. Or (Hypothesis 2!) it tells me that I dealt with Magick in a past life?

Hypothesis 4 - The Skeptic Says: "Oh, Come On, It's All Baloney!"

Well ... I got carried away again. This is all nuts; I am nuts anyway. It was just a weird lucid dream without any meaning attached to the city name and year randomly given.

-----------------------------

So what is it? You decide.

[Sinera]

29/Apr/2012
Groundhog Day (Movie) In The Portal

Opening remarks: The last lucidventure from a week ago really haunted me in a way. It felt like unfinished business and I don't like unfinished business. So I did a lot of affirmations and imprinting of "Punin" and "I bring the kids home", etc.

I even googled this video during my research last week. I watched it over and over again to make a visual imprint of the area. And just btw, isn't it rather strange that such a video of a guy transporting some kids with a bike in Punin exists, huh??? Yes, I know well that I will have go to an astral version of Punin and not the RTZ, but visualisation is useful anyway.

I decided I want to and can do this 'retrieval' or whatever 'test' it is (Be it 'real' or not - it's a test anyway, and the test is 'real' indeed). I wanted to do this and still want to. Problem is that I did not manage to do any kind of exit so far since then, didn't even come close. Tonight I took, almost in an act of desperation, Galantamine and B-Vitamins again. Here's what happened:

I exited ouf of my bed in my Astral Portal 4 times. The process almost repeated itself all the time. It felt like the Groundhog Day movie, going through it over and over again, but with slight variations. The visuals were always bad and shady. Two times, however, I could not see a lot, especially when I flew out of the window I was blind again. One time it felt like I had bandages or some kind of medical tape on my lower legs (from the feet up to the knee) of which I had to get rid first by unstrapping them, losing precious time thereby.

One time, I asked for a helper and a hand held my left arm (nothing unusual, though), but nothing really decisive happened. I forgot to try that technique for gaining vision which I was taught before by my guides.

My greatest problem, however, was to remember what I wanted to do. I had forgotten my target. I was fighting hard to recapture my memory, really hard, because I KNEW it was important. It is so frustrating to leave half of one's mind behind. So I was hovering there outside and tried and kept talking to myself 'I wanted to do sth imporant ... remember .. it was .... what was it .. it had to do with ... er ... well ... what?'

During the last of the 4 exits I must have made some progress as I remembered it had to do sth with kids. I then flew down into the garden. In this garden (still all was very dusky) I saw beautiful flowers that are not there in the physical. I don' even know if they exist in this world. Most of them were giant violet flowers, some with giant white petals.

Then I was in bed the 5th time and I finally remembered that I wanted to help 'retrieve' the kids and bring them to Punin. It was too late though. I now felt my physical body in my physical bed and woke up. Before that, still in half-sleep, upon forcedly waking up I told myself: "I won't give up. Tonight another try, and then another, and another.... I will make it. I did it before with Ronald. And I made a promise now. Sooner or later I won't fail."

Comments / Afterthoughts

Well, at least the flowers were quite nice.

[Korpo]

Groundhog Day-like repetition sounds a lot like a simulation. Maybe the flowers were a clue? Can't say what was to blossom, though...

[Sinera]

03/May/2012
The Light-Umbrella-Lady And The Graveyard

First I was unlucid in my lightportal with bright lights and there was a little flooding with water coming out of tubes in the walls. I then was in the living room downstairs, with hazy light at night again, and talked to a guy who seemed frustrated with his workplace (and told me he cannot pay any 'parking tickets'). I also seemed frustrated a bit as I had dreamt before about an old love of mine and told him about it.

Then he was gone and I became lucid. I decided to fly out of the window and reach Punin or the kids (yeah, I had not forgotten about it this time). Everything happened at night. I was in a city and asked some people if they knew where the lost kids were? I even asked in Spanish (assuming I might be in Punin already), they understood me but most did not answer coherently.

Then there is a memory gap. Still at night, I was in a park with a wide avenue or alley with trees. Again I asked some of the people but no real answer came from most of them.

Then I met a nice lady (middle aged, ca. 45-55 years) with an umbrella (folded and used as a stick) who came walking towards me. I asked her if she could help me to find the kids I am supposed to help and she was nice and smiled. I don't know what she answered but she then pointed at my head and said that sth was not right with my left eye-lid. She said she could help. Before I could react at all, she, always with a smile, backed up a little, hold up her umbrella with tip pointed towards me head. Then I remember a white light. I then told her to wait and said 'no, I have not time for this'. Then she was gone again.

I looked around as I was still in the same area and noticed while looking around me that behind me on the left (later also on the right) that there was a graveyard which I had not seen before. Nothing intimidating though, it even looked nice, like a park.

Then a tall man (possibly over 2 metres high, any basketball team would gladly accept him) came up to me. He resembled a buddy of mine from school but I then quickly realised it was not him. I asked him then if he could help me to find the kids or get to Punin. He said 'yes'.

However, he then entered a smaller part of the graveyard, different from mine. I had to climb on a little wall (ca 1 metre in height) in order to access his section of the cemetery. I remained sitting on this wall though, also did a deepening method by looking at my hands since I felt that my time might soon be up again. (Unfortunately I was right!). The tall guy kept on talking but I did not understand a single word he said. The only thing I understood was his first 'yes' and the sth about 'grave' in another word compound (gravine, grabine, graveen...). Then I blinked out and immediately awoke in my physical bed.

Comments / Afterthoughts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSNyiSetZ8Y

[Korpo]

Hello, Volgerle.

It might be more helpful if you forgot about pursueing old experiences in newer ones. It seems like you skip over new clues because you always revert back to the pattern of pursueing something else.

The clues in this one are several:

I recently mentioned giants for depicting spiritual "elevation." Now you meet a really tall guy...

Part of your adventure played out on a cemetery and the part of the communication was centered on something to do with "grave." The garbled part and that you could not recall most of the conversations means your nonverbal communication (NVC) is still developing. So this is not only about recall, but that untranslated communication doesn't carry over at all. From the two clues I would say that this might have been a visit to a stage of the afterlife (cemetery = place of the dead) and you might have learned something about it there from a guide.

The guide was probably testing you to see if any information could be passed on to you that you would recall. Even if you did not recall much it still might have helped attuning your senses a bit more by providing them more stimulation.

Developing your NVC skills is related to bringing your 5th and 6th chakras online. Somebody (the umbrella lady) offered you an attunement/healing (the light) in the facial area... The garbled communication also seem to be related to this. Learning to speak NVC is the answer, I think.

All in all, focussing on a certain idea in my opinion distracted you from taking advantage of the situation at hand, which had plenty to offer.

[Sinera]

It might be more helpful if you forgot about pursueing old experiences in newer ones. It seems like you skip over new clues because you always revert back to the pattern of pursueing something else.

The problem is I am seeking some 'coherence' with my lucidventures, therefore I put strong intent in them, before I go to sleep, before I exit but also (if I remember!) while I am "out". I did have some coherence, for example with Gálaca (and other helpers) lifting me out and making (mostly vision & communication) hand-in-hand exercises in the Lightportal. This happened quite a few times but does not happen anymore. I miss it somehow. I was hoping to be able to continue the task set recently: find the kids to bring them 'home' to this ecuadorian pueblo (in the afterlife zone).
Yes, if something new pops up and seems promising it is wrong not to pursue it. I should be more flexible. Well, after all, the overall "theme" of retrieval seems to be kept up with the graveyard experience, so there is still some coherence after all.

I recently mentioned giants for depicting spiritual "elevation." Now you meet a really tall guy...

I knew somehow you would comment on this now . However, I am still not willing (yet) to subscribe to the "tallness=spiritlevel"-theory completely. Most guides were not taller than me. And just take a look for example at my Blue Monk experience. This guy was small (even stubby and funny-looking like a cartoon figure). But of course, in this case we assumed that it was the blue skin that showed his spiritual status. This makes sense, also in view of his mentioning of 'hormones' then (probably he meant STH, which is the 'growth hormone' ).

Part of your adventure played out on a cemetery and the part of the communication was centered on something to do with "grave." The garbled part and that you could not recall most of the conversations means your nonverbal communication (NVC) is still developing. So this is not only about recall, but that untranslated communication doesn't carry over at all. From the two clues I would say that this might have been a visit to a stage of the afterlife (cemetery = place of the dead) and you might have learned something about it there from a guide.

Yes, I agree (see above). It certainly was this kind of area and thus we have overall-coherence.

The guide was probably testing you to see if any information could be passed on to you that you would recall. Even if you did not recall much it still might have helped attuning your senses a bit more by providing them more stimulation.

I hope so. But it is somehow a bit discouraging since it seems to be such a tedious and long process for me. I'll keep it going anyway.

Developing your NVC skills is related to bringing your 5th and 6th chakras online. Somebody (the umbrella lady) offered you an attunement/healing (the light) in the facial area... All in all, focussing on a certain idea in my opinion distracted you from taking advantage of the situation at hand, which had plenty to offer.

Yes, especially with regard to the umbrella-lady scene I completely agree. I did not write it above (as I did keep my comments section short this time ) but I immediately knew that it was a mistake. Actually, she started it and I might have gotten a little dose of it. (I 'saw' the graveyard only AFTER her treatment started, so maybe ... ). But I interrupted it too early since I had my 'set intent' an that one was still so obstinate in the back of my mind. Maybe I also lacked trust? She was very nice and I did not have any reason for distrust. Don't know what went wrong. Maybe I would need to get to her again for another and lenghtier 'treatment'...

Heck, meanwhile there are so many loose ends to pick up again from my ludicventures. I never seem to get anything done or really finished.

[Korpo]

Hello, Volgerle.

Don't worry about getting things finished. You're basically running through a program to develop your energy body still, and the more your inner senses come online, the more coherent everything will become. Hints like "Punin" or other unresolved clues will be rendered into clearer communication, making deciphering what to do with them much easier and straightforward.

It took Robert Monroe quite a while to learn NVC in ever-increasing levels, and Kurt for example had his channeling experience to help him develop that energy translation skill before he embarked on the adventures he recorded in his books. In hindsight it might not seem that long, hard to tell now. You seem to be doing well.

Regarding the umbrella lady - there might have been an effect. I had a blind lady walk up to me and touch my third eye. In an instant I could see my body from within and nerve strands/energy channels light up in response in a complex fashion from where she touched me. This took no time at all. So, seeing the light might have been a clue for some effect taking place - how much is hard to tell. The added clarity/coherence afterwards might indeed be a hint that something happened, I agree.

Regarding the giants - some details will always highlight function, status and other things about anything you encounter. Your inner senses that pick up this information are one thing. Your rendering of a coherent picture of reality another. Ways to express these things will change, in fact become more subtle in the long run. In the end you will just recognise and know these things. In the meantime it can be really useful to review your lucidventures for clues regarding any such information to keep using both your inner senses and your ability to translate their information. According to Kurt even in hindsight inner sense information can be gained - he calls the phenomenon "after-the-fact lucidity."

[Sinera]

07/May/2012
Nurses

Part1

I get out with a helper's hand but first see nothing again. I then hear her familiar voice. It is the same whispering soft female voice of the same helper I heard before. I did, however, this time not understand what she told me.
Then it seems I managed the exit again and the next I remember is that we were flying (as usual hand in hand) over the city. I look at the brunette girl and ask her if she is Gálaca, although I am sure it is another one. She says (as expected) "no". I then ask her for her name. A surprising answer comes:

"Nonsense."

I guess that wasn't her name but rather referred to my question.

She then also tells me that she had not been 'on duty' for a while as she was 'on sick leave'. Okay... aha, I see... sick leave ... in the non-physical you get sick (leave)???

I then try to remember where we should fly to, but it seems I again left great parts of my memory behind. The only thing I come up with is to ask for teleportation as I still have problems with 'controlled jumps', so I explain this to her. I suggest we 'jump' to a friend of mine and tell her his name. She then says to which location and mentions a city but I know he lives in another city. I need to do some research if my buddy has sth to do with that city to find out why she came up with that city.

Part 2

I don't remember if it was another projection (semi-lucid) or just a dream. Anyway, there is coherence since it was immediately after Part1 and this same 'nonsense'-helper girl that was flying with me was now sitting next to me while I was lying in the bed in a hospital room. She smiles. There are other patients, it is seemingly a 4-bed ward. Another blonde girl, a nurse, enters the room and looks for the patients. It might well be that my companion ('nonsense') was also a nurse.
The blonde one looks familiar. She might have treated me before in a hospital. I get up from bed and walk towards her. She is nice and smiles. Then she tells me to let her lay her hands inside mine. It has some therapeutic purpose, but I don't remember more of this dream / projection.

Comments / Afterthoughts

This is confusing. Somehow, 'nurse 1' (the brunette, 'nonsense') is the one whose whispering voice I heard many times before in 'blind exits' but it is not Gálaca. Her 'sick leave' - could it have been a leave from her job where she is attending to the sick (as a nurse?). Or did she just have a vacation in order to concentrate on other projects? Something like that, I guess. Definitely, there was again a lot of miscommunication and misinterpretation from my side.

There is another girl whose voice I heard in projections, but not whispering, it might be Gálaca or another one again. I cannot say if 'nurse 2' was Gálaca, but I am sure it was the nurturing one from the dream above, so she is 'familiar'.

My helpers (some of them appear as nurses and monks ...) are consistent, but they keep taking turns, it's like they're working in shifts. They also seem to attend to many people, as is indicated by the ward situation with more patients. Seems I am not a private patient receiving exclusive treatment.

The hands-on-hands-therapy or energy exchange is strange. I have my strongest energy sensations in my hands anyway. One time, I thought it is the reason I should become a healer, but I am not so sure about this anymore. The sensations are almost constantly there, or I can produce them at will to come up immediatly. If I deal with or only think of sth metaphysical they 'switch on' automatically. It had been activated over night about 2 years ago after s.o. talked to me in dream- or subliminal state, although I had forgotten who it was, just remembered there was a conversation and s.o. told me to 'turn it on'. Maybe it had been her then after all?