Awakening?

[ButterflyWoman]

To my family I am a lost 'artist', revered for my singular philosophy, but patronized for the gift of not being like them.

My family of origin was like that, too. Only they attributed it not to my artistic ability (of which I have plenty, in fact), but to my supposed insanity (which is amusing, coming from my mother, a woman who has spent most of her life mentally ill and is now well into dementia). I figure if being like them is the price for acceptance, well, okay, I'll be an outcast. I always kinda was, anyway. May as well make it and keep it official.

I think to them I am a failure

My mother certainly thinks this of me, although she's never succeeded at anything in her life, so I don't know how she manages to construct the point of view from which she pronounces this. But I always was. I never lived up to expecations, mostly because they were unrealistic and ridiculous and poorly articulated to begin with. I don't care any more, I sincerely don't. And all the stuff I write about my parents is done with a smile, believe it or not. I find it amusing now, and that's absolutely sincere.

The Kudanalini smacked me years ago and I could do no more or any better than turn a 180 in my life. Divorce, near homelessness and isolation.

Me, too. It's a pretty common story, actually.

I must not be a good example for the proper nurturing of the power of the serpent.

Serpents aren't nurturing. They lay their eggs and leave, for the most part, and the eggs hatch in their own time and the snakelets go out and figure out how to make their own way in the world. I've found the transformation to be quite similar.

Also, for what it's worth, Robert Bruce and many others have noted that it takes some years to fully acclimate to the new situation once you've shed your skin, to harken back to the snake metaphor (though that's about as far as I can take it; snakes don't actually turn into anything other than snakes, so it's not really a transformation). I'm still finding my way, learning new ways to do stuff, finding my footing, or, rather, learning to function without any footing, in what might be compared metaphorically to a weightless environment... The awakening is only the beginning.

Well, e1b, seems we have some things in common (and I suspect we're near enough in age, too; I have adult children, too).

[ButterflyWoman]

Stop thinking about what you haven't.

Always good advice.

[GMAN12]

To eyeoneblack, I feel kind of what you are going through, but yet I am still in Grade school. Only 16.

My parents already divorced at an early age, I never had friends till the start of the fourth grade and before that used to talk to myself and contemplate my life. I was eight when we lost a being with a very high vibration who was my great grandmother who later that night after she had died, visited my grandmother and I cried the next morning wishing I was awake at that time.

When I started to go to middle school, I was bullied till 9th grade when I finally decided to report him. I was still very depressed thinking of myself a failure. I almost took my own life last year at school with a knife, but I decided that I have more to live for. I was at the hospital with other kids. Some older than me. Problems just like me. I remember my support group when I was in there. They helped me out of something that could have ended tragically. It was such a strange place in the hospital. Lots of kids where in there for months, some without families. It was horrible. I felt so bad for them because I know that I have my own support. After that week, I felt that there was something else worth living for. Something even more normal that normal. That is when my awakening happened.

Life is mysterious. Remember, your challenge is one you set up for yourself before you came to be in this life. Do not stoop as low as I did as to commit suicide. I would totally regret it if I had killed myself because I find out that there are things out there like hermetics and magic and Kabbalah. So much things to learn, to grow and one day die a natural death and meet my maker again.

[BDeye]

Eyeoneblack, I think I'm a bit of a misfit as well, but only when compared to the "normal" standard. I keep running into these "normal" people telling me how different I am (they tended towards slightly more colourful language). What I find striking though is the comments about my lunacy are usually followed by a long story about how miserable they are. It used to bother me that I was different, but only while I kept comparing myself to the norm. Now I'm quite happy in a world of my own. My twenties I tended towards a pessimism but my thirties, through conscious effort and some changes I can't quite pinpoint, I started seeing things differently. There is so much to see and maybe I do see thing in my own unique way, for that I'm happy. Just think of all the things we're going to witness and I truly feel there will be amazing things to come.

[CFTraveler]

Life is mysterious. Remember, your challenge is one you set up for yourself before you came to be in this life. Do not stoop as low as I did as to commit suicide. I would totally regret it if I had killed myself because I find out that there are things out there like hermetics and magic and Kabbalah. So much things to learn, to grow and one day die a natural death and meet my maker again.

Wow. This is beautiful.

[ButterflyWoman]

I keep running into these "normal" people telling me how different I am

I used to. I don't have people like that in my reality now. I just don't. I know I'm weird, different, unusual, maybe even strange, whatever term you want to use. I don't need to be told that, ever. So nobody ever turns up in my reality to tell me that any more. (Okay, sometimes I get playful confirmations of it, but that's not the same. )

What I find striking though is the comments about my lunacy are usually followed by a long story about how miserable they are.

ROTFLMAO!!!!! Wow, that's my mother through and through. What a great observation.

And for the record, I am incredibly sane. I've been mentally ill, I know exactly what it looks and feels like. I could walk into any psychiatrist or psychologist in the English speaking world and come out with a completely clean bill of mental health, partly because I know what to say and what not to say, but also because I'm clearer headed and more sane and more self-aware/awake than almost anyone I know (present company excluded).

[BDeye]

I used to. I don't have people like that in my reality now. I just don't.

I cut out a lot of these people and things(life draining jobs) in my life. The few I have now won't kiss my posterior and will tell me if I'm acting like a donkeys rear end but as you said, it's friendly and constructive. I find the majorities consensus(here again present company excluded) that sanity and normal go hand in hand hard to fathom. I've seen so many "normal" people coldly commit acts of lunacy, that it fills me with horror.

I look at some of the people who have given so much to this world who would have failed the "normal test" (thank goodness that hasn't been instituted yet). I like to think, I merely have modified perception, unique to my own requirements. If I need to, I can deal with people in a way that makes them feel comfortable and when I want, I'll switch back to being enthralled by everything going on around me (sometimes showing someone how interesting a blade of grass can be will get you some funny looks), and all this on fresh air and a overabundant(or just the right amount) imagination.

[eyeoneblack]

I didn't care to start a new thread, topic has been discussed before but I can't seem to find it. Anyhoo:

I learned of a dream posted to another site about a large snake. A friend supplied a link and, as I expected, it was very similar to a dream I'd recorded a long time ago.

So I sat down and wrote a reply (odd there were three, four replies to this dream and not a mention of Kundalini.

I closed my thoughts with this obvious connection and posted it to the thread. I went back and proofed it, fixed some spelling and just as I was done; BOOM!

The lights went out and I knew what had happened - a electrical transformer had exploded. Next, here come the fire engines, the police and helicopters.

Gee, I'm sorry I did that, neighbors -

[GMAN12]

That is pretty cool yet I would be startled if that happened to me.

[ButterflyWoman]

I went through a period where I would blow light bulbs constantly. I'd touch the wall switch or the lamp or even walk under a street light (seriously!) and the light would blow. Usually the street lights would come back when I'd passed, but not always. I also had a problem with starting a car if I was particularly upset or excited or otherwise "wired" (cars have an electrical system to start them, after all). Oh, and my modem or computer in general would sometimes go haywire if I was upset or something (this is back in the day of dial-up modems, which are particularly sensitive to electrical impulses).

Eventually, that died down on its own, because it was only happening in a big way during the really significant transformation period, but I also started doing grounding exercises and now I never have that issue. I don't even get static electricity buildup any more. I can't remember the last time I got a static shock (not even when I do the laundry in a tumble dryer).

It's kinda weird, if you look at it from a material point of view, but from a metaphysical one, it makes sense.