Last night I did dream about an order, off course I do not remember it now, and it has to do with when I know then there is a bigger responsibillity then there is when not to know.
I feel I have to make a note here about this, to show my cowardness that I do want to take resposibillity.
I have this way to be as I have bean all my life, as a child I did be the one to revele to adults what we did do in our play when I did feel it was not right, I tried to get help from adults when a fight did start, and the adults did say...boys and girls in peace with each others...all play togeather.(It did not go so well when revele adults doings there was no help to get I can tell)
I have always felt also that all is equally same value, not some to be better and some to be wors...so this dream did show me an order, and I understand there has to be an order, to know to choose from among when it comes to cause and effect.
I am such a coward I am so afraid to know then I have no where to hide or to excuse me with.
I did live my first years with closed eyes, I do not know if I get courage enought to live with open eyes ever.
I am happy to be here if not bean here I would be very lonely.
Let me see if I understand (likely I don't).
When a person 'draws a line in the sand', that means it is not to be crossed - it sets a limit. Are you saying or complaining that you do not have a 'line in the sand', that your eyes are closed so you set no limit.
I also wonder if you feel you go through life something like a secretary, disinterested, but taking notes for what goes on - like taking the minutes of a meeting?
I'm struggling here, but I think there is something important in your entry, and I'm sure I don't know what it is. )
Matter is only mind in an opaque condition; and all beauty is but a symbol of spirit.
- E Hubbard
Thank you for your questions, I will ponder on them and give you an answere later on, I can tell that much of my life is still so intimitating that I do not have the curage to look at it in the dept of it, I know I have many answeres but I am too afraid to look at it, when I do look I will know, but as long as I can hold it away from knowing I do not have to take the deep responsibillity what it feel´s it will pusch me into, this is a very frightening feeling, and it is why I do close my eyes as a little child hiding and hoping no-one will see me, I am struggling I can tell, but I will give you deeply answere but I have to collect strength, if you understand what I mean. I am much more bold to help others but when it comes to myself I am freakening out, it is an enigma to me also why it is like this, I am afraid to know, you know.
Love
ia'
Last night I did have very comfusing dream...I was visiting my aunt A and her husband was also there (he is dead) I did not feel comfortable at all to have her husband at home, but I had to accept the reality as it was...he said...something like this...but did you really start to be (unikko) as I did understand this word to be cinderella and I did get offended ...I tried not to give my focus to him and I turned me to my aunt and she was so kind and always so big in hospitality...I did mark me with a golden tape over my chest from scholder to scholder..it was very clear mark in the dream but I can´t tell now for what it was....and I looked at TV and I saw something there and I got so surprised when my aunt did misstakenly call me for Jarmo (my first bf and he is dead since 2002)..I lost it after this because the surprised feeling did awake me...??
I have hade dreams touching some of my fear´s, and last night was one of them again, I did get blinded by flash light´s from cameras to be taken pic´s of me....this awaken´s very deep fear in me, I do not yet know the right reason, I have only got flash back´s to be taken pic´s of against my will....this image´s I have got in several year´s but I think now when it start´s to appear in my dream´s it has gone deeper and soon enters day-light so to speak and I am ready to face it...but I am afraid to know.
You may feel like you are under 'interrogation'. An examination of your belief system. If the light is blinding it is only because you have been in the dark so long. Blink and wake up!
Matter is only mind in an opaque condition; and all beauty is but a symbol of spirit.
- E Hubbard
Last night in my dream I was living in Olympia (no clue where it is) I did catch 2 young boy´s breaking into my home, so I did say to them, now show me where you live, I will tell your parent´s what you are doing, we here in Olympia do not behave like this...
I did have this dream 2 night´s ago...I was walking on country side and I noticed an old farm to be sold and I saw a man and a women buyer, first I did not think so much about them I was just passing by when I suddenly noticed to know the man...it was the man from India I did live with in 1983 ...Why I first noticed him was that he had 2 shawl around his head..but it was wrapped like old women used to have them tied under the chin...They had theire luggage and now the man did start to run towards his luggages and I was just thinking/feeling that do he think I will steal it??..Even I did recognice him I did not let him recoqnice me, so I did go quickly...I was just happy to have this happening in my past and not anything comming in my future, he did cheat on me and was reveled when I did have to go to doctor ....
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