GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-trying new foods
-meeting my goal of going to coffee shop alone again today this morning.i was shaking and felt like throwing up but by the time I was done and seen hipsters,and normal-ish people walking around,I felt that the more I do this,the more this will feel normal for me and get easier,and easier
-the coffee from where i went this morning. so good.
-getting groceries today
-deciding to buy myself some orange essential oil since i met my goal and it's something i wanted anyways
-finding the subliminal i will do for the next month. decided to with a free one again,since there's so many i like and want to fully explore
-that i'm about a quarter of the way done with the month,and all is well
-sleep. though i've been sleeping too much ever since i decided to try biphasic sleep and am trying to get back on normal sleep now.
-sweaters
-weather turning much nicer by evening time
-some back and forth normal texting with best friend this morning after i was starting to get upset I think i just stayed calm and told myself to be patient
-how great it is for the cat to be here,and how cute he is and waking up to him sleeping with me today
-making some cute inspiration pics today
-a great book i've started reading.i was hesistant because it's free which is stupid but have been reading and it's actually quite good and resonates with me a lot since it has to do with my anxiety issue and overcoming it,but also talks about how thoughts create reality and nature always heals if we allow it and we can heal even this if we let it
-newness and forward movement. though there is still things im frustrated about,and havent had a night out in forever,and still feel like a prisoner,i feel so much newness and forward movement in my life,and an making changes and growing and that feels amazing.
-my cat slippers i love
-getting quarters for laundry
-getting cash
-best friend saying money is getting better
-mountain dew
-getting a smidge of work done
-feeling a little more organized in my mind about things
-kitchen finally being clean
-being told we can get a toaster for free
-the EFT i've been doing and how much more clearer,and peace filled it's made me
-food prices seeming cheaper today

[buttercup]

-feeling healthy
-being awake
-the depression treatment subliminal i've decided to use for the month,not because i think i have depression but because i loved the way it sounds with the binaural beats chosen and the list of subliminal affirmations seemed best
-my style
-getting through about a quarter of the month
-the agoraphobia book i've been reading
-essential oils
-being a nonconformist and how many great ways there are to make life better from it
-sleep
-best friend,all being well and healthy
-colors
-getting the bathroom cleaned
-emojis
-the cat being so adorable and constantly making me laugh
-doing a cardio dance workout in the morning. so needed. it really boosted my mood since i'd skipped workouts for a few days now
-getting a funny in my face sign about l. it was hilarious and i just knew it was something.i had a logged on to a blog and right away see a profile picture of a guy of his ethnicity which is something drawing my attention lately,then there is a pic posted saying just because blah blah blah does not mean i lack emotional depth with an offended face and it's animated and supposed to be a silly picture that is funny and that was one of the last things i had said to l was that I feel like he lacks emotional depth and to top it off,the user's name was misjudgements! lol.i don't know what this means but it's very funny and this definitely felt like something as it called out to me and just felt like it. serendipity.
-my face
-sweaters
-my intuition increasing and starting to get meditative insights again. i think my vibe is rising
-a delicious meal earlier of vegan chili with potatoes
-reminding myself to simply buy the pearl of great price
-feeling calmer
-great music
-things that inspire and make happy
-living 2-3 blocks away from a cool cafe
-getting my power back more and more
-getting out of biphasic sleep and closer to a normal sleep schedule,little by little
a great article on forgivness i came across by neville goddard

[buttercup]

-orange juice with glazed donuts
-the cat being here,and being so adorable
-maintaining calm after best friend brought her here AGAIN with no warning creating a very awkward experience. he now did this once in Feb and now once in March. trying to see the good sides of the situation and how things are fine,and in my favor
-beautiful weather today
-maintaining cheerful mood despite my mom attacking me this morning in texts
-coffee
-getting some work things done and new projects sent in
-feeling a desire again to be more in the spotlight with work again
-being given money
-getting that sauce jar open on my own today which was nice
-a nice cardio dance workout that always boosts my mood
-being able to leave the house without a coat
-feeling relatively confident despite it all today
-depression subliminal i've been listening to
-my apartment
-feeling safer in my apartment
-blogging
-a cool picture for my social media i found that i believe
-somehow feeling oddly calm about what happened today,and like it'll all be ok,it's like i feel this strong weird sense of surrender,and ability to just let go like nothing bad is happening or going to and that things can only get better for me,and it's all up to me what i want
-feeling an odd sense of clarity and surrender that R is ok,and I can overcome my anxiety issues now.
-feeling like i have more time lately

[buttercup]

-manifesting text from l wanting to come over right when i felt so low after best friend flaked on coming again and had his dad bring food. that was specifically in my list of intentions,too
-deciding to make the most of the day after that and being really productive and positive trying to take back my life
-getting a toaster bought for me,and two cat toys one for brother's cat,and one for my mom's
-getting a driving lesson in and noticing i'm getting calmer behind the wheel
-getting two rooms cleaned
-music
-how exciting and motivating it was knowing l was coming by and that i had manifested by desires i set in January. It is so freeing.
-coffee
-how nice it felt to just lay down
-getting business call done and it going better then i thought. contact from past wants to possibly buys ads and partner with us,all kinds of things. so cool. so good it felt to be productive! and not just doing spiritual exercises.
-getting pic chosen for work project that just came to me as the perfect one.
-buying some new lingerie from a shop i like in the morning
-doing laundry.i love doing laundry for some reason. have no idea why.
-the overcoming agoraphobia book i've been reading
-ok,so as it turns out,drama happened when l came by. i had negative momentum going all week and was apparently pms-ing and didn't bother to do much spiritual exercises all week,and did none actually that day despite being really productive,but i'm grateful l came by
-that when l left despite feeling hurt he walked out on me,that I didn't get a bad feeling this time.i just felt like i'd see him again. I think this is part of the inner work i've done since January.
-that maybe l not pushing for sex and saying to sex actually means he likes me a lot and respects me. he seemed to get offended I wanted sex after i got upset about the texts and asked if it was a guy or girl that sent them so i think he thought i was using him.i may even have a memory(the fight was a blur) that he said i can use him for sex some other time.i threw a fit seeing something that made me insecure with him,then went to check my phone and got something in my phone and i just demanded sex angrily from l and he said no and i blurted out all these embarrassing things about what i really think of him,that i actually like him,and did want sex,and accused him of leaving to see another girl. i was crying and said i hate him and that we are never hanging out again. it was so embarrassing. It's crazy how i attracted this whole night. But,I had negative momentum I don't think i cleared,and the other odd thing is i got a different l this time then the last. Last time he was agressive and forceful and i worried he was using me for sex and this time he was so different,and gentle and just wanted to cuddle. it's so strange! I think it' because I cleared up some things about L since I had last seen him but even still,i'm still sort of weirded out by it. the other night with l brought up a lot of new limiting beliefs to the surface,and showed past ones I had now cleared..and honestly,in that regard it's kind of interesting. Best of all,manifesting L back and as fully as I have thus far has been very,very rewarding and validating for me. I realized he had sort of been in me ever since December,even when I focused on other things and i'm just beyond grateful because manifesting him was proof of clearing a lot of things for me and proving a lot of things i wanted proven. I'm so glad loa can get more simple and natural again. We are always thinking as it is,and to think there's certain things that are wrong or impossible literally defies loa logic. I think that's why i'm so happy despite l and i fighting and him making me feel awful..because i've seen how much i cleared,and have a natural,soft inner knowing,oh i'll see him again and that just feels so good. that's how i want it to be.
-feeling unafraid actually when i got that threatening text.i was just bothered by the drama after the l thing i had gotten upset about and if that text never happened,i would've handled the l thing much differently which brings me to
-that after that,i found a new sense of freedom and inspiration. i had let another thing interfere with my life from the emotional drama b.s since last year. and this made me decide it's time to let go of that pain,and just start living my life like everyone has said. i realized life has through l been trying to get me to do that,too but instead i've been focusing on it,still and wanting l to turn to and i realized i can't do that,even if he had said orginally i could. i have to let go of it. it just made so much sense suddenly. i had been wanting l as a crutch. maybe this bothered him.
-how amazing l is sexually. i actually think he may be the best lover i've had,and we've never even had sex yet. I don't know what it is,but he is different. other guys,they are more boring and predictable. l is more unique.
-the amazing messages i got from this girl on an loa site that's been tremendously helpful with identifying core limiting beliefs from childhood trapping me now,and seeing loa in action through her stories and me sharing mine.also the amazing advice she gave me that makes loa so much easier.
-how beautiful and accepted l makes me feel. he loves my butt which is one of my parts i'm insecure of and that's quite a compliment considering what he does for a living. it's always a compliment if someone who does what he does for a living finds you attractive.
-waking up to the cat on my head last night. lol. so cute.i think he was mad at me for sleeping a lot.
-how cute the cat was i think being suspicious of l at the house,but then also trying to sleep with us later.
-getting caught up on a new affirmations list
-deciding to up my goal of walking to coffee shop to twice a week so it becomes more and more normal and today when I went,feeling more relaxed,and calm and getting checked out a lot by the guys and male workers there. it was so confusing,i had worried did i look weird or something. i was dressed so bummy,but i am pretty sure it was flirty and it made me feel kind of good.
-deciding a new agoraphobia goal today,that i will walk to another shop closeby,too i think today. there's something i want that normally i'd buy with best friend,but i feel inspired to do it alone and get it myself and i think it'd be a perfect next step from the coffee goal
-my style
-my beauty
-how good it feels to know i am going to get back on track with things now. i'm dedicating today to affirmations.
-getting in tune with my wants,even if i dont know how i can get them.i want a new apartment.i want to live more northside,still. i actually want to live in l's neighborhood.
-ideas
-feeling safer in the apartment again lately
-feeling more confident lately about myself in the little things
-feeling more empowered,little by little
-how great my teeth are,and starting to feel more confident about those again
-that i'm about 1/3 of the way through the month. it's been quite bumpy but i haven't done much spiritual work and had been in a bit of a negative momentum since around march 1st
-getting my time of the month the morning after l left,and feeling much calmer. very odd i tend to attract negativity before i get it.
-sweaters
-that i'm starting to feel my life will get more normal now,and am starting to get clarity on what i want that's normal. in other words,i'm starting to feel it now,like feel it real.
-best friend coming in early morning the night after he flaked. i sensed he felt bad. reassurances i got from him that he tells me not to tell his dad certain things,too which proves certain things.
-being honest with myself that i do have a paranoid problem so i can know i'm often assuming wrongly and am going to start taking more deeper actions to remedy this.
-my will starting to feel even stronger these last 24 hours or so,and maybe even few days before.i almost feel like i can will anything right now,and that makes me feel confident.
-how tight my backside had gotten
-the protein drink i had thursday with maca and ginger,and almond milk to keep me feeling energized and strong for the day
-understanding other's biases,and not letting that affect me
-best friend's dad calling the number that texted me to
-getting best friend to take certain things back yesterday he had said that bothered me recently

[buttercup]

-water
-the cat toy
-doing cafe goal again,even though weather was bad
-having that time of month
-feeling somehow confident mostly about l things
-a great dance cardio workout
-feeling more empowered
-how cute the cat is
-getting the lingerie i ordered already super quick. it was like a day later.
-my beautiful pink roses.i love them so much.
-my awesome good vibes wall decal i love
-doing two half hour sessions of speaking affirmations which i think played a part in my mood being better
-getting advice on this situation with R and friend
-knowing i'm a lot more attractive then R and feeling that even more after seeing pics of her again
-remembering all the stuff I have on R that friend has done
-getting started on cleaning the kitchen yesterday
-having candy dropped off to me the other night
-getting inspiration from the L experience. hmm. I like that. Instead of thinking of life as giving me learning experiences which is a limiting belief i recently cleared,thinking of life as constantly giving me inspiration
-makeup
-having a toned body
-my beauty
-having a random inspiration yesterday morning to contact S from my past. I don't know why but finally I found out how to unblock him and just did it. Maybe I want to make peace. Maybe I want to see what I need to clear that could've came from the past. I notice my emails tend to seem crazy back then. He was a jerk,but I think he actually also really did like me a lot
-sweaters
-getting through the month and knowing soon I will have so much relief
-that I have a driving lesson today
-that I can start my ritual today
-reminding myself how easy it is to believe.
-great helpful quotes
-being easy on myself and forgiving
-how great it feels to get rid of all these limiting blocks i've formed over the last years
-knowing how much better I am then R
-signs of jealousy from best friend
-signs of wanting to live with me from best friend
-a normal conversation with best friend about a song the other day

[buttercup]

-coffee
-chocolates i was given
-the paranoia subliminal i bought and how nice it is to listen to on my phone and have the files on there
-being able to blog
-starting my ritual and getting more faith i'm in the right,and things will turn around in my favor at any moment now
-emailing with S
-getting massage appointment made
-the month being half way over,and although march has been very rocky and makes me concerned,that at least it's half way over
-my beautiful pink roses and incorporating them into my ritual
-feeling more and more inspiration to go forward with next strides towards overcoming my anxiety issue,and feeling like i have a sort of one year plan for overcoming it now and wanting to make this the year i overcome it once and for all
-getting a really,really,really strong hit of mind control last night that knocked me out and made me feel like practically a vegetable last night.i could barely move. this showed me i clearly scared my best friend. he had sent me energy earlier when and i had asked and he seemed to send for something else too and he said he did it to calm me down and i had felt strange,very calm then later we had a fight about something and i threatened him and i felt a strong hit come over me. it was scary,actually,but it was interesting,and also showed me i must've scared him.
-getting a good feeling about things this morning,that my win is near
-feeling present in the moment and appreciative this morning for all i've been through,and knowing there's been good,and i will win
-knowing that what i seek,is seeking me
-getting EFT done on be careful what you wish for,which helped me to finally feel at ease with setting the intention of her leaving my reality.
-comfort
-getting pillows washed
-my beauty
-all i have going for me
-my desires coming to the surface

[buttercup]

-being present to the moment and appreciating where i'm at and where i've been the last few months. it is even in this,that i feel about ready to close this stressful chapter and move on to easier tides
-paranoia subliminal. i love having the files on my phone. so much ease.
-cookies
-coffee
-chocolate
-enjoying the quiet
-blankets
-being half way through the month
-my best friends voice. it is so soothing.
-my beautiful pink roses. so beautiful they are
-the divine blessings incense i've been using in my ritual
-that intuitive moment,that was calming and surrendering where my intuition whispered everything here,is a connection of my beliefs,and anything can happen depending on what i believe in. earlier,i had been remembering and reflecting on the discontinuous nature of reality,too and parallel realities
-quantum physics. it has helped fill in so many holes for me
-calming down
-the cat toys i manifested last week for free
-feeling spoiled
-my goals
-emails with S. somehow,he's taken my mind a good amount off of L even though,i really,really liked L. I just don't know what to think anymore about him,though. i have been remembering the good about S and how nice it would be to be friends. there even seems to be a telepathic connection
-my desires. there's a certain work goal i really want to manifest that i'm going to work on
-phone call with best friend just now
-eye massage
-my apartment
-a new day
-affirmations
-the agoraphobia book i've been reading
-finding the full version of the depression subliminal i've been listening to.i swear,i did not see this before and it's not listed as new. interesting!
-beauty
-inspiration
-ease
-seeing a possible sign about couple breaking up,and then seeing thing about a couple who broke up but still has business together,and are friends just showing more and more more proof it's ok to be in your ex's life,and to help me tear down limiting subconscious beliefs about what's normal or ok

[buttercup]

-emails with s.i don't know why i felt so drawn to even email him in the first place
-being brought pizza last night.i had the idea i wanted pizza and could i get someone to bring me someone and sure enough i did and it was really good.
-coffee
-pastries
-dance cardio workouts
-having a nice lower backside that men adore
-these paranoia subliminals on my phone
-getting quarters to wash blanket
-my eyeglasses
-reassurances from best friend that i will get what i want last night when i was upset,and him telling me to stop slacking on my work because of feeling on edge.
-having the idea come to me to use my place as a shooting location as it has that photo studio look and is perfectly located in fact,too. it just has that feel that it'd be a photo shoot location.
-my phone
-best friend cleaning a little and taking care of bug issue. he made me laugh watching him because he gets very bug obsessed and looked very silly.
-the cat sleeping with me. it was very hilarious. he slept right by my head and i didn't even notice it at first,i was just wondering where is he,then turn and see he is like 2 inches away. lol.
-yoga pants
-realizing i wasn't buying the pearl of great price and that most of my anxieties were because of giving astrology power. I stopped that and even did EFT tapping on it and felt much calmer.
-email with neville life coach
-feeling feelings of normalness and remembering what normalness felt like this time last year this morning.it felt wonderful. it's an amazing thing what happens when you let go of your resistances. it's only ever a resistance of some sort blocking us from feeling good!
-getting some work things done last night and new work possibilities
-having my goals and desires clear cut of what i want to achieve.
-that tomorrow i have my 3 days in a row of anxiety challenges i will be doing.
-best friend chatting with me a little more in text
-best friend's sweater. he looks really nice in it
-feeling more confidence about my capabilities
-all the limiting beliefs that have come to the surface and have become cleared since december or january. it's quite amazing. i feel so new.
-fashion
-all the forward movement in my life
-getting kitchen cleaned last night.
-realizing from an loa standpoint how i healed my health issues this fall and that i clearly wasn't going to die which should be the best proof that all is what you focus on
-having healthy teeth
-the internet
-having a beautiful apartment

[buttercup]

lost my list,so starting over.
-doing my anxiety goal today. tomorrow,i will expand upon it,and change it up a bit,perhaps by changing the route i take
-donut and latte
-the cat and how cute he is
-the depression subliminal i'm listening to. this creator makes such good audios. they make me feel so loving.
-manifesting free pizza again. so good.
-the beautiful,amazing perfect weather last night that made me feel so good. the beautiful,blue night skies.
-getting in a driving lesson in last night. at the end,getting back to normal with it. i had been feeling so on edge,and afraid of cars but finally by end i got back to normal with where my level is at it with it
-more proofs best friend doesn't tell his dad certain things
-sweaters
-my eyeglasses
-giving my mom the blender for brother and cat toy for her cat
-phone call with best friend this morning
-best friend texting a little more then usual last night
-remembering that any time i'm feeling less then good,it's because there's resistances of something on my mind
-how i feel i'm really going to overcome my agoraphobia this year,and how i feel like it's already done
-neville goddard materials and how helpful they've been for me
-all the limiting beliefs i've cleared since december
-getting bathroom cleaned yesterday
-having a dream best friend broke up with R
-getting my sleep schedule back to normal. first i had bad insomnia,then i was sleeping really off schedule,and then i went to biphasic sleep which made my sleep schedule worse and i believe even made me have worse luck with keeping a good mood and manifesting,and now i'm finally on a normal sleep schedule
-feeling calmer now that i will get through the month and all will be fine
-getting work done yesterday and how good it felt to be working again
-connecting one social media app to another yesterday just to see how that goes
-having a protein drink yesterday with spirutein,almond milk,ginger,and maca. so good.
-the kind barista who always smiles at me when i go in.
-feeling healthy
-best friend saying he just has anger at me still
-being able to see the unfolding of how everything that's manifested is literally just my beliefs.and that's why it makes no sense,because reality is discontinuous,and we are constantly shifting realities. this is why analyzing other's and how things happened is so pointless,too.
-the weird feeling i shifted realities the other day.
-newness
-the inspiration to start playing with changing my external reality more and more with focus experiments

[buttercup]

-doing my anxiety goal. today was hard,because weather was cold and gloomy which always makes it harder for me for some reason and also best friend is ignoring me which has me on edge. i felt paranoias this time,but i accomplished the goal and i know i'm better for it. what makes me sad,is my decision to do this in the first place isn't from a place of love,but a place of pain.i feel it's the right thing regardless,but i feel if it came from a place of love,i'd feel all the more powerful
-coffee and red donut
-having support from best friend's parents during this difficult time
-doing a powerful EFT session yesterday that uncovered a lot of limiting things i had been saying and thinking for years in regards to current drama that i cleared up. also praying and having tears stream down my face during this session
-doing a speaking affirmations session without a list and in the mirror. wow,it was so powerful. i forgot how powerful mirror technique was. it cleaned up my vibe quite a bit and i am now going to go back to that regularly. there is just something about that technique that is very powerful. i had been doing affirmations without a mirror the last few weeks. when i first started last night,i felt awkward but then i became amazed at my beauty. the power of the mirror technique is incredible.
-my beautiful perfect skin
-my perfect amazing mouth
-my gorgeous model thick hair
-sweaters
-being on a normal sleep schedule now
-emails with S
-the strange,calm surrender feeling that came to me last night after a fight with best friend(and this is and has been all his own doing) and after his dad left. it all started to become so clear to me that all that's been going on was because of my anxiety issue,to overcome it. and,i had kind of known this,too on some level,that's why i had kept repeating it out loud,that's the true source of my panic attacks and the emotional drama...i think this all was to have me overcome my anxiety issue because of an intention i had set. Nothing bad was meant to happen. And,somehow in the 3 weeks or so,it all suddenly feels so do-able,and as if i am over it. I know i'm not yet. and,this year will be dedicating to truly overcoming it and i may make an outline/plan even,however,it just feels like it's already done in my mind's eye now. i feel like this chapter is finally over now,and like i finally get it. all the pieces piece together as being about this. this was one of those things i thought i'd never overcome,but really wanted to manifest..and there's been things i wanted to manifest before but thought with dread i may never,but then did.
-getting bedroom halfway cleaned
-the book i had been reading the last few weeks which has played a part in me feeling i can finally do this
-being patient with best friend ignoring me right now and treating me bad
-my eyeglasses
-forums like this and loa forum that really help me get back on track when i fall off
-being peace
-trusting my heart
-getting more feelings of normalness of just feeling the memory of it