There are things you very strongly need to take into account here.
Firstly your'e very totally and entirely committed to the idea that this whole thing sparked out of you denying your brother staying with you (for which you had very valid reasons : him having the option to go stay where your parents were and you being cognizant of the fact that your lifestyles were different to the point of not making good music together).This is called logical operation , this just isn't a case of a malicious denial of a staying place.There is no ill-intent in this and please stop persecuting and penalizing yourself for a sound logical action you took in the past.
Secondly let's examine your brother ; what kind of a person rants out angrily about burying people and has fights in the very place they are staying? - the fact that he had fights with your mother's boyfriend is keenly telling of the fact he has no respect for a place others have provided for him.You don't bite the hand that feeds.When someone puts a roof over your head and takes you in , you count your blessings and pray for better days , this realization should have been all that much more apparent to a person who claims to have had to "sleep in park benches".
Thirdly , I don't understand why in God's good name would a sibling wish such awful horrid things to you?.If my brother did that to me , I would very seriously , cut ties off and shield myself from him.How can he direct such awful malice towards you? just because you told him staying with you wasn't a good idea? however is that a sane reaction on his? Trust me no one would go berserk if they are told to stay elsewhere (it just doesn't warrant such an out lash).Forget the spiritual part of all this , do you not realize that if someone harbors such hatred against you they are best kept at an arms length?.There's honestly something very wrong with your brother , when you said he cried out of relief and healing when you told him you were sorry , tells me of it ; that's a sign of instability - apologies do not beget dramatics and that too specially from men.An appropriate response under any circumstance would have been something along the lines of "Hey what are you on about?, that was July - that's dinosaur bones now!".Crying to gain sympathy and attention is a very common tactic.
Fourthly when you say it's a karmic response to your actions because you had to undergo the same harsh situations your brother did makes no sense at all, why ever would karma punish you for looking out for yourself?.Do you not note the fact that karma would have rewarded you positively instead? - I noted when you said you have a private introverted life and he doesn't , weren't you realizing that not just you but instead both* of you would have had a bad time? weren't you sparing your brother of potential upcoming misery when you denied him that stay?.Shouldn't you get positive karmic points for acting out prudently both for your and your brothers sake?.
Fifthly we all have bouts of bad luck , I had one that ran a whole entire year and let me tell you it was it was bad*.There are several critical analytical flaws in how your'e calculating damage in hindsight (I can point them all out but I'll keep this concise).The biggest one is where and when you started rewinding events in your mind and thinking "what the hell could've brought this onto me!"- maybe the lingering guilt inside pointed towards you refusing your brother a stay and that went off the tangent.There are innumerable repercussions to every decision and for some reason you've chosen this incident as rationale for the past nine months.I'm saying there are a number of reasons why what happened to you happened and your brother doing this to you is just one* of them , one out of many many - perhaps those that aren't even apparent to you now and maybe won't be for several years.
Sixthly paranoia , OCD , panic attacks , palpitations , loss of hearing , fear , anxiety and feeling badly for nine months also strongly points towards several other things , depression being one.Almost all of what your'e writing of are symptoms of it.If you have access to a psychiatric consultation , please do take it.There is medication exactly for all of what your'e feeling.Just realize that instead of metaphysical , spiritual or karmic reasons there could be other things too.If you take a psychiatric evaluation and give medication a shot - it will only help.There is only so much you can pray away , use the LOA for , affirm away , or simply blame on karma and psychic attacks.When I underwent this , I took medication and it got the matter in hand again.
A girl like you , full of immense gratitude and love - I can vouch for isn't the reason why this happened
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