GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-drinking more water today
-M's husband adding to the cat house,looking up mylar and telling me he bought a cat house online
-getting in a good workout today
-how great it feels to sweat from a good workout
-sleep
-my style
-catching up on phone calls a little bit today
-vegan pizza
-weight going down
-soda
-coffee
-those cinnamon breads with vanilla ghee
-seeing T cat from first litter today under the tree in front of the house sleeping on the leaves. she was in a deep sleep and looked like a little bambi. it was a beautiful fight. after i seen her,and she awoke,she came up to me and i picked her up and she curled her head into my shoulders. it was so freaking sweet.
-amazing pictures i am able to get of the cats. got one of the T the kitten,H cat from 2nd litter,and T from first litter all cuddling together in the house we have for them
-saving money
-being almost complete with TWO savings goals i've been doing at a time. so exciting.
-TV episodes on hulu
-stretching
-makeup
-getting more things organized
-meditation
-my peacock eye pillow
-doing some visualization exercise and how good it felt
-slippers

[buttercup]

frustrated. waiting for M to go to sleep so i can sneak the kittens in. just want to get them in already and also to go to sleep. everything would go a lot smoother if she would just go to sleep already.
-cuddling with T kitten today. he slept with me in the morning and evening.
-ordering myself my first prada bag today. should get it just before thanksgiving. celebrating ex best friend being out of my life by getting it. this time last year,he was torturing me and psychologixally abusing me.i am so glad to be free from that and that this november has been so much more peaceful then last year's.
-how sculpted my body is becoming.
-water
-my meds
-getting the straw into the dog houses for the cats
-that the weather is supposed to be warmer tomorrow
-soda pop
-M buying me more cinnamon bagels today
-doing my mirror affirmations today
-makeup
-my beauty
-face stretches
-hip stretches
-TV episodes on hulu
-sleep
-motivation
-sunshine
-meditation
-optimism
-going to pilates class today
-lipbalm

[buttercup]

-ginger
-soda
-feeling like a weight's been lifted and just a little more relaxed the last day or two for some reason
-healthy digestion
-how exciting it is that my first prada bag is on it's way to me
-nice weather
-TV episodes on hulu
-buying some pet products sent to my mom
-getting medicine for the cats. they couldn't get their surgery because they are sick so they gave us medicine at no charge
-chile mocha coffee
-sleep
-going to pilates class today
-going for a walk after pilates class
-nightskies
-that i'm almost done with a round of jobs i've been doing for a client. i'll have to find new work asap and this was a nice consistent thing for awhile,but it'll be nice to have my sundays again and see what else is out there.
-sweets
-meeting cool people
-kind people
-taking the train again today and establishing it as a pattern of being normal for me
-fashion
-being excited for thanksgiving and M saying we are going shopping on thanksgiving
-M's husband giving me $20 today
-coffee
-doing some reading today
-art
-my medications i take
-getting draft done and sent to talent for review
-my job at the yoga studio
-positive possibilities
-reflection

[buttercup]

-ideas
-soda
-heating pads
-blankets
-sleep
-my calvin klein scarf
-my sense of style
-makeup
-giving the kittens and T cat from first litter their medicine
-laughing
-M's friend D and how funny he is and nice
-confirming another job today
-having a little bit of alcohol today
-going to the yoga class tonight
-coffee
-doing my job today
-TV episodes on hulu
-warm showers

[buttercup]

-ghee butter
-water
-my new prada bag
-getting my reporting done
-bringing the kittens in for a little bit today
-lavender
-soda pop
-M apologizing to me today
-ordering the gift i had planned on getting for M
-sending out more emails for jobs
-naps
-sleep
-my sparkly sweater from zara
-fashion
-coffee
-getting a ride to work
-doing some editing on an article
-lemon bars
-doing some follow ups on emails for first career
-TV episodes on hulu
-not having to work tomorrow
-stretches
-that the cat houses should be arriving any day now
-great deals
-free shipping
-cleaning my room and doing some more organizing
-my medications i'm taking
-ordering some yoga pants i've been wanting
-my weight going down
-my beauty
-cat hugs and cuddles
-straw
-laughing
-sweaters
-how much better my money is doing compared to this time last year
-goals
-getting the doghouse with straw moved to the downstairs level for the cats since it seems warmer there.

[buttercup]

-seeing T cat from first litter using one of the winter shelters the animal charity gave.i was so unsure of those ones,if they'd even use them and thought maybe if it's cold enough hopefully they then will and seen T walk out from it and i went to touch her and she was the warmest cat outside so it must be good.
-M making me a protein drink.
-soda pop
-water
-going to a fitness class today

[buttercup]

-seeing that everything is working out
-sleep
-TV episodes on hulu
-T kitten from 3rd litter coming in house and how funny he is
-great deals
-fashion
-things working out with follow ups and jobs during upcoming out of town trip
-my thigh gap
-motivation
-my medications
-smiling
-my cat slippers
-sweaters
-meditating today
-my desires
-my hair looking darker from shampoo i started using
-lipbalms
-stretches
-having such young and delicate features
-happiness
-how beautiful my eyes are

[buttercup]

-water
-T kitten. i feel a deep connection to the little guy,similar to the depth i felt when i first met his cat mom.
-that the cats are using the winter housing and feeling toasty in it.
-weather being a little nicer today
-getting in a good workout and sweating from it
-face and head massage that helped release a lot of tension
-stretches
-my buddha statue in my room
-my beautiful prada purse
-fashion
-M buying me more lemon bars
-going to the grocery store to pick up some food
-sleep
-my medications
-sweaters
-blankets
-coffee
-having a nice body
-my stomach getting flatter and more sculpted
-having healthy teeth
-healthy digestion
-having great cheekbones
-the job offers coming in for upcoming out of trip. so exciting.
-dental floss
-some good daydreaming today
-music
-interesting art
-soda pop
-tv episodes on hulu
-smiling
-laughing
-neck massage
-getting a saving account opened

[buttercup]

I have come to the conclusion that i am going to contact R from my past. I've been thinking about it for a few days now,contemplating the how and if i'm sure and it feels like something i have to do. whilst organizing my closet some more today,i came across journals i did not throw away yet. he may have been more important to me then i even realize. realizing good things i did not remember,and accepting the bitter parts,and getting a balanced perspective. he did like me,and i did do things to seem disinterested. i can see the blocks back then and reading through journals,i seen old patterns i still carry with me to this day.i found i had a picture of one of my first major crush's from the newspaper who had died back in h.s. i couldn't find anything on google the last years,it had been so long,but to see i had even saved his picture back then in my journal was interesting. even if my life was lonely and sad in parts back then,there was life and meaning and the feeling of aliveness. i wasn't as weird as i had thought.i was beautiful. And,R was dreamy and cool just ala the Trip character in the movie we both liked the virgin suicides. reading the journals gave me new affirmation,intrigue,and perspective. it must've just been that right time to go looking back to my past. It's been a hard and disappointing week or two but at least this is something to think about.
-realizing i'm done trying to compete with ex's gf R. I've been mad at M and after what's come about the last few days,i've been distant towards her,and skipping classes. she let me down and this proves things to me and i'm done now. it's time to focus on me,my wants,and finding my happiness. she brought me presents today as if that could make up for it. it was a blender,coffee maker,and sitting buddha statue.i thought i seen two books that looked as if they should be for me,but she hasn't given them to me yet.
-deciding i am going to iniate contact with R from my past within the next few weeks.
-contemplation and reflection
-my old journals
-cleaning out my closet and organizing
-soda pop
-hot coffee
-my outdoor cats
-cuteness
-my new sweater i've been wearing that i got last week
-my new winter boots i've been loving
-my new miu miu wallet that came today. it's beautiful.i think i enjoy my somewhat spontaneous purchases more then my more planned out ones.
-going to therapy today and to see psychiatrist. it's nice to allow myself to be "broken."
-having ideas about direction coming to me
-TV episodes on hulu
-giving M that gift i gave her over the weekend.it came out even better then i expected so am happy about that
-hearing M's sister asking M's husband how i was doing which was nice
-friendly people
-M's husband being nicer to me lately
-sleep
-creative dental solutions
-naps
-my mario badescu hyaluronic acid eye cream
-feeling my feelings
-the wisdom i've gained over the years
-water
-dental floss
-doing a little cosmic ordering on the cosmic ordering site
-stretches
-having a nice chest
-weather being warmer today
-straw
-the internet
-my phone
-positive changes
-new ideas

[buttercup]

-my medications
-water
-getting dentist appointment done even though again it didn't go as intended
-healthy digestion
-sleep
-art
-music
-creativity
-feeling back in the moment again of when i was 16 after reading old journals.i remember the feeling of aliveness again,and my roots and feel renewed.
-my plant-based logo t-shirt looking not too bad on me
-sweaters
-pizza without cheese
-hot coffee
-soda pop
-TV episodes on hulu
-taking some time to do some writing that was creative and partially practicing the message I will send to R from my past sometime next month
-interesting concepts
-the weather being nice and warm for this time of year
-T cat from first litter and how much she warms my heart. she is such a sweetie. she used to be the runt of them all and very panicky personality and wouldnt let you pet her,now she curls her head up in my shoulders when i pick her up
-nightskies and how soothing they are
-smiling
-cleaning out more of my closet tonight
-venting
-getting my check today
-stretches
-buying myself some fancy chocolates from bloomingdales that interested me
-my hyaluronic acid eye cream
-beauty
-inspiration
-fashion
-my sense of style
-feeling beautiful again
-goals
-my ambition
-not having work tomorrow
-relaxation
-getting confirmed for another 4 days of work from a client i've been working with one of the days replacing a day that got cancelled by another client so will meet my december minimal earning goals which is great
-getting the outdoor cats through the month of november
-being smart
-buying myself some cute ballet shoes i had been wanting
-warm showers