GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-coffee
-ideas
-meditating today and how amazing it felt
-getting my chocolate champagne cupcakes today
-J
-my beautiful apartment
-my beautiful couch
-my beautiful huge houseplant
-my balcony
-being considered very beautiful and attractive
-J and I getting along so well. That I met him and how amazing he makes me feel sometimes
-amazing weather today
-cute cat pictures
-my creativity
-making the most money i've ever made in my life that's equivalent to my psycho ex's income when we lived together that was my reference for self competancy and self sufficiency in may
-getting my lip injections this month and how great they turned out
-entertainment
-my sense of fun
-yoga
-walking
-all the weight loss and seeing myself twiggy,twiggy in march and april
-fashion
-cutting up my saks card
-my relationship with M improving drastically once i moved out,and her taking me with her and her husband shopping on the 4rth of july
-going to see fireworks with my mom the day before the fourth of july
-pictures
-seeing and hearing how much weight psycho ex's gf gained
-my kindness and desire to create change
-physical exercise
-sex with J
-reconnecting with the people i've reconnected with in the last 12 months or so
-smiling
-reading and good books
-my intelligence
-faith and surrender
-happiness
-my "little girl-ish" qualities"
-being constantly told and thought i am way younger then i actually am based on my looks
-how much M's husband cares for the cats and has been there for me
-my ambition
-lorazapam
-winning
-getting revenge on psycho ex and his gf and getting my power back
-colors
-greenery
-makeup
-manifesting my desires
-kind people
-hope
-happiness
-prayer
-doing fun things
-phone chargers
-music
-my sense of style
-inspiration and inspiring people
-connection
-having great taste in things
-that my payment from work was completed from payment service
-excitement
-beauty
-learning
-trying new things and new experiences
-being high end
-flowers
-sunshine
-nightskies
-peace
-things to look forward to
-my therapist
-having a washing machine and dryer in the building
-vegan food

[buttercup]

-meditation
-snacks
-perspective
-beautiful weather today
-M's husband finally answering the phone
-being able to leave the air off today
-my style
-my tiger yoga pants
-J and that he seems to be falling more and more for me. Staring at me,mocking my voice, being more considerate of my needs including making extra time to talk when im done and efforts to see me when he's busy,including me when saying he needs to take care of "" and "" and it came out so naturally. Me saying he could just move in with me and instead of looking at me like i'm crazy saying that would be nice. Talking future things with me and how he wants to do more for me.
-my phone
-going for a nice walk
-lorazapam
-work picking up
-God
-having faith
-playfulness
-having nice curves
-clarity
-my laptop
-colors
-hanging out with my friend from maryland S. I almost didn't but at the last minute i felt a driving force to after he called and we did and it was great.
-my gold rose
-my framed artworks
-having a nice apartment
-yoga
-calmness
-night skies
-fashion
-romantic and sweet gestures
-pictures
-being considered attractive by others
-my ambition
-books
-my goals
-my feral cats
-my mom's cats
-cuteness
-fun
-aloe vera
-shopping
-the kindness M has shown me lately
-getting a massage this week
-my self sufficiency increasing
-coffee
-my beauty
-all the manifestation of my heart's desires that happened in the last months
-having a kind heart
-my taste in things
-groundedness
-creativity
-hot tea
-ice cream with cupcake
-my imaginativeness
-my love for art and beauty
-makeup
-showers
-music
-inspiration
-trusting life
-pronoia
-feeling my feelings-
-tithing
-getting another check yesterday

[buttercup]

-J and him telling me he doesnt want to end things and that he has been practicing saying i love you.
-healing
-coffee
-music
-meditation
-fresh starts
-pretty cups
-all the learning and growing and becoming more self sufficent
-kindness from strangers who could sense i wasn't doing well saying everything would be ok
-lip injections
-trying to stay and be positive
-surrender
-corner bakery monster cookies. They are like crack.
-humor and laughing
-goals
-optimism that this will be a good week
-smiling
-the wind
-inspiration
-motivation
-my determination
-makeup
-aloe vera
-yoga
-my succulent skin gel
-phone calls
-D helping me on Saturday
-seeing a pic of the awesome birthday card i got for a friend
-people considering me attractive
-J making a way to see me thursday knowing i would have no time friday even though that was the day easier for him
-makeup
-coffee creamer
-beautiful things
-my lower legs being sore from all the walking and my skin being tanner
-the supplements i take
-all the work i had this weekend starting thursday
-getting a little quicker about getting my recaps in
-ideas
-entertainment
-compliments
-my phone
-authenticity
-my ambition
-my positive attitude
-going two days in a row not eating anything at all in the day time
-cocktails
-breaks
-expressing myself
-trees
-water
-art
-running into people i know
-seeing myself in a copy of a book i'm in
-love
-my mothering side
-my intelligence
that at 2 1/2 months, almost 3 J and I are still going strong and getting better with each other.

[buttercup]

-nourishment
-that this day is over
-nightskies
-J texting me more then usual for a sunday, keeping an eye on me
-J calling me more then usual yesterday even calling me if i didnt call him back within 5 or 10 minutes,keeping an eye on me
-putting pieces together on the way back from work today realizing last night J said after he wanted to think about things and had his phone call,is when he came by and softened and came to his senses. Said he considered having sex with me. Tried holding my hand once. Said he was wrong for what he did on friday and shouldn't have done it and that he should have confided in me,and that he realizes he needs to fix things with me to and to be patient and strong and that he still loves me and still wants me and even using the key he gave me to show me something when he walked me to my door, and saying we will get back to how we were, it will just take time and him saying and showing he isn't letting me go. Also, he revealed that she had yelled at him the whole time during their phone call, and definitely won't be having sex with him anytime soon,and that it seems today they didn't do their usual sunday family thing so it sounds like they aren't working things out as he said she said they would on friday, or at least not as well as he had hoped. He was also looking at me in a much more serious way last night,like he seen me in a more serious light, someone he could be with in a way that's more then what we are now. And,that just maybe they won't end up working things out,and he will decide to be with me. I'm not wishing for it,and am keeping my thoughts as neutral as possible but i would kind of want that. And, it does make sense. We've been together growing closer for 3 months now. Met in a very serendiptious way. And,even when he betrayed me friday, he was flip-flopping,and same with Sat in the day time until by Sat night, he was sounding a complete 180 and back to his senses-he does want me still and we will still be together, that it just will take time. He even said at the end of the night he was planning to take me to meet his mother but that i was acting too irrational so he changed his mind. Who does that a day after ending things with someone and confessing to their other person about them? We also were going to have a platonic shortened version of our original plans yet he said during dinner he considered having sex with me,and our plans weren't shortened by that much. He actually went home quite late considering what he is going through and even asked him what is he going to tell her since there is no way he would still be at work,and it was way past that. He is NOT done with me, he is clearly very confused.
-my feral cats
-that tommorow is a new day,and a day where J works and we can talk all day again and things can possibly go back to normal or at least more clarity.
-working today
-pictures
-faith
-entertainment
-the internet
-finding my ibuprofen
-M's friend D taking me out for a little while to go for a drive and get out of the house
-realizing how i can improve when J and I get back together again and what i need to improve
-diet dr.pepper
-nice people
-my fashion sense
-sportsbras
-all the referrals and new job offers i picked up when i did all the following up after getting fired from the one agency
-That J cares about me and all the ways he has shown it
-compliments
-getting a little motivation going
-prayer
-my beauty and the beautiful pictures i have taken over the years
-all the new restaurants i tried with J
-having incredible curves
-my intelligence
-ice
-J's intelligence
-my kindness
-J's kindness
-games, such as little ones J and I play such as the eye game or having take the 5 love languages quiz
-talking
-my new leopard print striped sneakers
-all the high end fashion items i own
-hypnosis recordings
-magical things
-being able to pick up H cat today and W cat. Ever since I moved H cat treats me like he's mad at me and W cat has been mad at me ever since trying to bring him in the house repeatedly for a few minutes in the winter. That was the big no-no betrayal for that cat.
-wind
-bike riding
-how beautiful my hair is
-art
-cuteness
-relaxation

[buttercup]

-getting mentally stronger and detaching
-M's husband randomly surprising me and stopping by the bus stop while i just so happened to be there and bringing me to two of my jobs which helped me out a lot
-getting my old table back which is a little easier to carry
-buying a mascara i've wanted to try
-letting out my feelings
-my new lip injections
-all my jobs i have
-my creativity
-God
-protein drinks
-my blender
-getting the shower rod on and getting the bathroom more cleaned and organized
-doing laundry
-sunshine
-my fashion sense
-my beauty
-having a nice body
-coffee
-relaxing
-deep cleansing breaths
-the internet
-powerful quote pictures
-physical exercise
-bike riding
-seeing J yesterday
-having new life experiences
-having nice hair
-having a nice body
-cats
-stretches
-my strength
-lights off
-being appreciated
-miracles
-my new pastel mint green oven mitt
-makeup
-ideas
-learning
-growing as a person
-band-aids
-klonopin
-my bed
-cuteness
-finding out little H cat has been trying to go in M and M's house,and how he tries to lead me to the food when he's hungry. so cute.
-thoughtfulness
-my intelligence
-my kind heart
-calmness
-surrender
-being open to what the day brings
-taking life day by day
-my phone
-music

[buttercup]

-music
-the sun
-kind-heartedness
-coffee
-realizing i need to get off this valium asap and starting the tapering process
-all the ways J shows he still does love me and misses me
-inspiration
-going to the gym with M the other night
-M's friend D taking me to the haunted house her friend's husband does
-fashion
-my strength
-physical exercise
-my amazing landlord
-my money being better
-writing
-that i'm healing
-water
-M's husband giving me a ride to work yesterday
-happy memories and the love i've experienced in my life
-beauty
-powerful things to think about
-spiritual awakenings
-letting things unfold
-optimism and looking on the bright side
-art
-deep cleanings breaths
-being productive
-artistic expression
-writing things down
-my cats
-felines
-my lip injections
-motivation
-getting dumbbells finally last month
-seeing my body get sculpted
-flattering pictures of me
-positive, happy realizations
-chemical peels
-listening to my higher self
-my phone
-dedicating myself to being kindness and love
-my large household plant
-the cute little pumpkin M gave me shortly after i mentioned i was thinking of getting myself a baby pumpkin for my apartment
-how much i've grown as a person in the last year
-dedicated myself to releasing/shedding away things i need to let go of after my higher self telling me this recently and deciding to work on feeling more fully
-savoring
-nightskies
-my balcony
-compliments
-getting through a more tougher job for me yesterday
-goals
-beautiful sounds
-closing my eyes
-my black tea age delay face cream
-eyeliner
-greenery
-sleep
-comfort
-the signs of feeling very connected to J including the dreams, and feeling guided to contact him when i did
-the sound of J's voice
-being smart
-motivating things to remind myself of
-trees
-yoga and deep slow stretches
-having a laundry machine in the building
-walking
-my feminine nature
-my cuteness
-my talents and gifts i can offer the world
-all the random kindness and miracles i've experienced recently
-M's friend creating such a cute moment. I complained the day after the drama in my life started late august about being in physical pain, heart broken and how my wind chimes don't even chime,and he told me to bring the wind chimes and we will throw them in the street and go for a drive. Well, that night he said he would take it and see if he could find a way to fix it to make sound. Well,about a week ago he offered to bring me home and said he needed to stop at his house and so when we stopped he asked if i could hear that, and right away,i could. It was the sound of wind chimes. We got out and he had fixed mine to make sound and it was hanging on his tree. I then went in his apartment and he gave me a new,very nice looking windchime that was made by a professional percussionist. The little thoughtful things like that are so beautiful to me.
-meeting nice people
-communicativeness and after years of being a person that let a lot of things go unspoken, becoming a person that now just lets it all out, even if it will be embarrassing a little, because it's just my truth, and after losing it all again in 2016, i just no longer care about holding back.

[buttercup]

-coffee
-incense
-getting things done
-cookies
-sportsbras
-going to the gym
-getting a psychiatrist appt for next week to get back on my right anxiety medication
-getting through the things going on
-a work trip for atlanta georgia next week getting confirmed
-having a lot of jobs for november
-surrender, letting go,and taking things one at a time
-my breathing getting better
-getting caught up on my recaps
-the internet
-inspiration
-newness
-help
-kindness from others
-fashion and style
-fun
-having a kind heart
-my first name
-motivation
-my beautiful big houseplant
-my beautiful hair
-nightskies
-sleep
-makeup
-knowing i did all i could for J

[buttercup]

-that J still seems to have feelings for me and seems to want to see me again
-increasing clarity
-trying these chinese herbs
-acceptance
-physical exercise
-how sexy J is
-cats
-B having interest in me
-journaling tonight
-naps
-motivation
-inspiration
-nice weather
-hoodies
-fashion
-increased financial abundance
-finding out i don't have to pay my internet bill this month and have a partial credit for some nice yet mysterious reason
-sportsbras
-pillows
-sweets
-my beautiful art print of J arriving from China and how amazing it turned out!
-things working out
-my new retinol night cream
-getting things more cleaned out and organized in the house
-my upcoming travel next month
-my phone
-my fitness pole
-kind people
-physical touch
-stretches
-plants
-smiling
-my accomplishments
-people thinking i'm cute and young looking
-my feminity
-my intelligence
-minimalism
-luxury
-newness

[buttercup]

-going with the flow
-being back on my lorazapam
-self acceptance
-sleep
-nightskies
-comfort
-getting my first body cosmetic procedure today
-my breathing getting back to normal
-coffee
-ubers
-smiling
-cats
-cuteness
-ideas
-inspiration
-getting a role of quarters
-reorganizing my apartment
-colors
-beautiful words
-humor
-intelligence
-having beautiful hair
-my new supreme beanie
-diet dr.pepper
-shopping
-more ease doing things again
-clearer thinking
-my money being ok

[buttercup]

-being back on my lorazapam
-apple cider vinegar
-my new touched up hair color
-m&m's help they give me
-looking through pictures
-interesting content
-sweaters and hoodies
-fashion and being stylish
-getting my first body smoothing session done and being very happy with it
-progress with J that he may be closer to wanting to get back with me again
-nice people
-having a kind heart
-my balcony windows and door
-my beauty
-physical exercise
-rearranging and decluttering things in my home
-stretches
-potatoes
-sunshine
-the chinese herbs i'm taking
-having beautiful hair that has insane beautiful texture lately
-deep cleansing breaths
-enjoying responsible financial decisions
-the jobs i have for this month
-having another possible out of town work trip for january
-having nice eyebrows
-art
-goals
-my hyaluronic lip plumping gloss that the girl who does my lip injections made and recommends for me
-my supreme beanie
-cookies
-coffee
-the internet
-walking
-having beautiful eyes