GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-diet dr.pepper
-having a very successful work trip and m's husband having no issue with me going and even picking me up from the airport
-D, the ashton kuther lookalike i met in 2013, being my hero and the flirtation going on with us ever since last week. he feels so comfortable.
-doing some cleaning
-rituals samples in my hotel
-sunshine
-travel
-having faith that money always works itself out
-having a kind heart
-art
-being able to be creative again and go back to my roots this weekend
-compliments
-having an amazing body

[buttercup]

-my root chakra incense
-D going on our first date, and even having our first kiss. lip pecks. it was super cute. we want to move slow.
-my new lip injections i got
-caring people
-D saying he likes me and that i am special and the connection we have been sharing
-my new credit card i was approved for that should be coming anyday now
-makeup
-fashion
-music
-getting a disount of $40 from the points i've earned from coming in so far to the place i go for my injections
-my leopard print coat
-following up with people to get more jobs coming
-relaxing about money
-physical exercise
-being a loving person
-my lorazapam
-people being happy with the holiday cards i've sent them
-banana syrup
-having a nice body frame
-getting things cleaned up and organized
-getting a date confirmed for my creative project in january
-having beautiful innocent eyes
-deep cleansing breaths
-warm showers
-cute socks
-faith
-crying and releasing
-being productive
-laughing at life
-my new air purifier in my living room
-updating my resume
-submitting for more jobs
-finding out payroll should be in a few days
-smiling
-sunshine
-creativity
-relaxation
-pictures

[buttercup]

-coffee
-being cute
-D and how amazing he's been. so grateful for my angel. he is perfect.
-cinnamon french toast sticks and banana syrup
-music
-how beautiful my new lips look
-connecting with people through facebook messages and how good that feels
-letting myself cry and release
-feeling
-money always finding a way to work itself out
-being beautiful
-jaguars
-kindness and support from others
-getting my house cleaned
-doing things a little differently sometimes
-my kind heart
-that my new credit card will be here anyday and that it's pink
-my accomplishments and the cool things i've done in life
-being smart
-my creativity
-having my own apartment
-having romance and companionship in my life
-cats
-spirituality
-memories
-pictures
-my triloka root chakra incense. so grounding.
-blankets
-the laundry machines in the unit
-beautiful design
-being productive
-my eyeglasses
-fashion
-being appreciated
-shopping
-sending holiday cards to business associates
-trees
-lorazapam
-water
-smiling
-laughing at life
-physical exercise
-walking
-busses
-yoga
-evolving myself
-that my gucci belt was found
-how much i've grown as a person
-my leopard coat
-reading
-learning
-feeling
-the internet
-my apartment
-having a warm apartment
-aspiring to better myself
-art
-beauty
-savoring
-seeing the beauty of the law of attraction work in wonderful ways
-making efforts
-my hyaluronic acid boosting serum
-having a nice face
-looking way younger then my age
-my growing confidence again
-supplements and vitamins
-feeling positive
-creating
-healing

[buttercup]

-my angel coming by last night. things moved faster then i had wanted but emotionally as well. at the end he even kept talking about timing and big decisions next year and implying i could be a reason he would stay living here. it is interesting timing on my end, too.
-working today and the sunshine
-being flirted with
-being attractive
-my new lip injections
-my leopard coat
-my new prada pink sunglasses
-makeup
-M's husband fixing my tub
-working for great brands
-candy
-coffee
-sunshine
-having fun drinking, and smoking weed with my angel last night
-how take control my angel is
-smiling
-laughing
-getting attention
-relaxation
-feeling connection
-music
-cash app
-sleep
-shopping
-getting things cleaned and organized
-feeling ready for fun
-my new credit card on it's way
-my few checks about to come in
-entertainment
-colors
-art
-inspiration
-feeling my feelings
-touch
-my touched up hair color
-diet dr.pepper
-cookies
-physical exercise
-nourishing myself and trying to be good to me

[buttercup]

today,i am crying and missing J so much feeling like he was the human love of my life. it's the first time since the last abuse i felt the feeling of missing him and wanting him back. i was crying over T cat too this morning.
-m's husband fixing my bathtub
-sunshine
-getting my new pink discover credit card
-getting all my jobs finished yesterday
-buying my new gucci purse
-buying makeup i had my eye on for a bit
-getting my breast ultrasound done and all being healthy and well
-cats
-my jaguar necklace
-looking very young
-my beauty
-banana syrup
-having fun in my life
-newness
-my hyaluronic acid boosting serum
-fashion
-taking actions
-lorazapam
-getting a bumped up psychiatrist appointment
-great deals
-having great hair
-my fitness pole
-my creativity
-the sky
-my leopard coat
-my lips
-trees
-feelings my feelings
-music
-art
-expanding myself as a person
-being smart
-calmness
-evolving
-finishing up my finance book
-femininity
-beauty
-hot guys
-inspiration
-my pink prada sunglasses
-having nice cheekbones
-making efforts to better myself
-laughter and humor
-cleaning more of my apartment
-m's husband giving me a ride to my jobs and from hospital yesterday
-colors
-my eye for talent and design
-cuteness
-hugs
-goals
-entertainment

[buttercup]

-my full lips
-people to help me out when my account goes negative
-getting a higher dose of lorazapam
-feeling more calm minded
-coffee
-sunshine
-craving healthy, healing things
-warm showers
-good skincare products
-my new credit card
-creativity
-ideas
-being smart
-the magazine i've been reading
-the rent check clearing
-the new book i got that i started reading
-meditation
-triloka incense
-hot tea
-water
-cleaning and organizing my kitchen shelves
-sportsbras
-my leopard coat
-physical exercise
-blue jeans
-my sense of style
-having beautiful eyes
-the new experiences i get to have in my life
-having a solid liquor collection from work
-technology
-it being that time of the month
-having a warm apartment
-having a lot to look forward to
-releasing my apathy
-feeling my feelings
-pinterest
-pictures
-my phone
-being productive
-reflection
-sleep
-comfort
-compliments
-having beautiful hair

[buttercup]

-my friend D and him saying we can cuddle and do fun things and i can call him daddy
-feeling more confident about the court case
-sleep
-m's husband giving me a hydrocodone because he had no ibuprofen in the car
-coffee
-m's husband taking me for coffee and for breakfast this morning
-m's husband giving me $100 cash for christmas
-being loving
-m's husband giving me beautiful christmas flowers last night and taking me out to eat last night
-getting my gucci purse in the mail last night!!
-incense
-meditating this morning
-my sense of style that is very nyc and hollywood
-my pink discover card
-having nice boobs
-my jaguar necklace
-always getting what i want
-my pink prada sunglasses
-the internet
-hoodies
-my leopard coat
-mild winter weather
-feeling my feelings
-feeling more free with J gone
-preparing myself for the court case with lots of research, procuring documents,and talking to lots of people and writing notes
-getting another work recap done
-having 20%of my saks card balance paid off
-goals
-transforming myself
-deep stretches
-shopping
-water
-sunshine
-social media
-my beauty
-makeup
-calmness
-cleaning things and getting things organized
-fun
-having a lot of work coming up next month
-laughing at life
-being able to have my balcony door open a bit
-having had sex with D
-being nice to people
-newness
-the image from one of my recent shoots being retouched from original photographer turning out really well before even needing to source it out
-beautiful modeling photos of me
-getting paid yesterday
-music
-motivation
-my money being ok so far
-my credit score rising even more
-compliments
-rest
-nourishing my spiritual side
-physical exercise
-self acceptance
-naps
-lorazapam
-books
-learning
-having a unique life
-prayer
-non-rushing
-surrender
-getting another recap done this morning
-warm showers
-bananas
-smiling
-my child-like side
-looking much younger then my real age
-having beautiful hair
-having beautiful eyes
-my health being so much better then it was in october
-cuteness
-cats
-animals
-diet dr.pepper
-ideas
-colors
-greenery

[buttercup]

-D still talking to me daily
-m's husband being relatively nicer to me
-fashion
-finishing my recaps
-coffee
-my pills
-naps
-great skincare products
-caring people
-exchanging phone numbers with an old supporter and contact of mine
-my christmas flowers
-going for a nice walk yesterday and today
-sunshine
-water
-jeans getting a little loser today
-stretches self empowerment
-sounding much younger then my age to the point that people think i sound like a child without even trying
-talking to mental health clinic today
-getting lots of advice from law industry fb friend
-beauty
-my eyes
-my lips
-warm showers
-being considered very attractive
-feeling feelings of aliveness and freedom again
-cats
-makeup
-my leopard coat
-my pastel rain boots
-calmness
-m's husband buying me more handwarmers
-having goals
-reading
-being somewhat productive today
-my pink discover card
-my creativity
-my kind heartedness
-feeling my feelings
-my lower body getting tighter

[buttercup]

-sleep
-shopping
-learning
-growing as a person
-reading about miracles
-having money
-cash app
-my eyeglasses
-getting things done for the court case
-my beauty
-my lips
-great deals
-my sense of style
-my new gucci purchases
-fashion
-being smart
-my phone
-my creativity
-the internet
-reading
-music
-meditation
-guys thinking i have a great lower body
-my coffee maker
-adding a little more exercise in my day
-everybody thinking im way younger then my age on the phone and in person
-helpful people
-my last health tests going well
-getting my primary doctor to prescribe my baby aspirin for my raynauds
-gin gins
-water
-hyaluronic acid
-lorazapam
-the amazing photo the last photographer i worked with sent me
-being brave and strong
-feeling my feelings
-yoga pants
-seeing how much the cats love their cat house
-tommy cat memories
-having a beautiful face
-buying a new eye cream from a new indie brand i seen advertised on instagram
-feeling free and being creative after months of not being creative while with J
-coffee
-cookies
-trying new things
-all the effort's m's husband makes to make the cats happy
-makeup
-m's husband finding my mascara that had been missing for a few days
-being assertive when needed
-colors
-inspiration
-physical exericise and exercise
-cute socks
-clean clothes
-clean towels
-leg warmers
-blankets
-being able to see and have eyesight
-pillows
-comfort
-goals
my pink discover credit card
-kindness from others
-clarity in mind increasing lately
-animal advocacy and those who help the cause
-cuteness
-entertainment
-yoga
-being able to work tomorrow
-all the jobs i have so far for january
-my new overdraft protection from the bank
-all the proofs i have of J to get the order lifted
-flowers
-plants
-daytime
-letting go
-working on my personality
-self improvement
-protein bars
-working in the industries i do
-the air purifier in my living room
-the balcony in my living room
-newness
-my ambition

[buttercup]

-my phone
-coffee
-sunshine
-going a day without texting D
-realizing D is far more obsessed with me then i thought
-sleep
-self forgiveness
-when desires manifest
-calmness
-meditation
-having desires
-feeling excitement
-entertainment
-getting more things clean
-beauty
-getting my thermi session yesterday and deciding we may have to switch to the surgical procedure instead
-goals
-makeup
-my beauty
-nice people
-animals
-the cat's cat house
-banana syrup
-cookies
-having a loving heart
-getting things done
-adding a little more exercise in my day everyday
-laughing
-giving snacks to the homeless
-buying lots of cat food and a cat calmer for my mom's cats
-buying a new eye cream from an indie beauty brand i see on instagram that looked
-a beautiful new photo of my body for my portfolio
-having eyesight
-being smart
-all the growth i've made over the last few years
-lorazapam
-getting my lip plumping gloss that helps keep the full look with my injections
-dreams coming true
-the air purifier in my room
-physical exercise
-feeling my feelings
-clean clothes
-blankets
-compliments
-hand warmers
-having work today and tomorrow
-weight loss
-great design
-my supporters
-my new titos gloves
-having a nice body
-attractive guys
-being flirted with by attractive guys
-shopping
-reflection
-having my own mind
-exploring
-my leopard print coat
-being able to talk
-having great cheekbones
-earning money
-great deals
-happy memories
-having had a lot of great moments in life
-being a unique person
-my laptop