ugh. one of the things besides the heartbreak and losses of 2018 that gets to me a lot is ever since the end of that year, my weight has had trouble going down. it starts to go down a little bit, but then up again and it's just made me so ashamed and lose any pep in my step i had. being thin makes me feel more confident and able to take on the world. i never thought i'd be someone with a weight this high and it's embarrassing. it keeps me from wanting to do things and go out. i am starting to be more active again and some days my clothes even feel a little slightly loose. I just think getting to my thin self is a key to getting me back. its going to happen. i know it. i just have to stay focused yet let go at the same time and do the right things.
-the sexy new guy i've been talking to
-M's husband coming by unexpectedly to finish fixing the carpet
-using bleach to clean up some stains on the counter
-my blue vive hoodie
-being cool
-coffee
-fashion
-slippers
-blankets
-cuteness
-yoga
-dancing
-the little heater in my house
-getting my reimbursement a day early
-water
-buying another vintage chanel piece last night
-pleasant memories
-plants
-M's husband bringing me over some sponges which i just happened to need
-entertainment
-humor
-my lips
-having a baby face
-art
-my cleavage
-inspiration
-brushing my hair
-blankets
-sleep
-my feral cats having their own house and that it's heated
-not taking myself too seriously
-doing positive activities
-being a nice person
-that i should be getting another check tomorrow
-clean clothes
-relaxation
-beauty
-ideas
-submitting to a new agency today
-tuning into my desires
-reflecting on my manifestations
-organizing, decluttering and rearranging
-hope
-authenticity
-my alexander wang bag
-feeling my feelings
-flowers
-nature
-being smart
-my talents
-finding out what's going on with some other payments i'm owed
-updating things
-newness
-having nice hair
-having great cheekbones
-all the amazing past photos i have from my career
-my phone
-my laptop
-peace
-quiet
-smiling
-nature
-my beauty
-my eyeglasses
-being positive
-things with my bank starting to go more in my favor
-apricot oil
-having a caring heart
-learning to become better with my interactions with others in regards to socially and dating, getting better at filtering and being patient and letting and so on.
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