A strange dream about my ex

[ButterflyWoman]

First I want to note that my ex and I were in a very abusive relationship. Not at first, of course, but it spiralled and toward the end it was absolutely hellish (for both of us). For a long time, I was terrified of him. I would jump when I caught a glimpse of a guy who looked like him, despite the fact that we now live on opposite sides of the world and completely different continents. I used to have terrible nightmares about him, where he would represent all kinds of things, particularly "abuser", but also "oppressor" and "jailer" and similar things.

Slowly, the dreams of him grew less and less (we're talking over a twelve year period here). Last night I dreamed of him again, and it was weirdly different.

In this dream, we were broken up, but we lived near each other, in apartments at the opposite ends of a corridor. I had something I wanted to give him for some reason, some scented soap, so I went down the hallway and let myself in. He wasn't there, but his mother was (my relationship with her was more or less okay, but I've said on many occasions that she is one of the most ignorant, stupid, and fearful women I've ever known, and it's still true). I saw her, waved and smiled, said, "I'm just going to drop this off in the bathroom," and I did that, and then went to leave again.

For some reason, she got really upset by me being there, and she started threatening to get a restraining order against me and she was making a huge deal of the situation. I honestly had no negative intention, I just wanted to give this soap to the ex (in the dream, I think I was aware that he had a new girlfriend, as he did before he and I were even divorced, though I didn't care then and I didn't care in the dream), and then intended to go, without any drama. His mother, though, was having this hissyfit with me. I was quite bewildered by this, but I also felt suddenly ashamed and embarassed, as well.

Then he was there, and we were talking, and although I don't remember the conversation, it was like, "What's up with her?" and neither of us were particularly bothered by each other, but she was still really angry and upset.

I woke up just after that.

I don't know if his mother was a symbol for my own mother. In waking life, his mother would NEVER stand up to me (or anyone else) the way she did in the dream. I have no idea what scented soap means. I can't recall ever dreaming of soap or my ex's mother in my life!

I did wake with the curious sensation that something was kind of "settled" between us, though, which is weird, because I haven't even seen him since 1998. I have the impression that this is something to do with my changing or changed attitude to my screwed up past (I've made peace with it), but I can't figure out what his mother's interference is about.

Thoughts welcome. I've been pondering this all day and I'm no more clueful than I was when I woke up from it.

[Korpo]

Consciously remembered dreams themselves can help in cleansing an energy, hence the feeling of something being resolved.

Soap is about being clean, and scented soap also covers over odors. The wonder of deodorant - fooling the nose that normally warns us if we can't stand the smell of someone which often can go hand in hand with our feelings towards that person. So, giving scented soap to someone could mean overcoming not being able to stand that person's presence (and hence smell).

Maybe his mother is still holding a subconscious grudge against you for any reason from back then. Something she might not even have expressed in some way, might not even allowed herself being aware of.

The fact that he lived on the other end of the corridor might denote how "close to home" this issue still was for you.

Oliver

[Beekeeper]

In this dream, we were broken up, but we lived near each other, in apartments at the opposite ends of a corridor. I had something I wanted to give him for some reason, some scented soap, so I went down the hallway and let myself in. He wasn't there, but his mother was (my relationship with her was more or less okay, but I've said on many occasions that she is one of the most ignorant, stupid, and fearful women I've ever known, and it's still true). I saw her, waved and smiled, said, "I'm just going to drop this off in the bathroom," and I did that, and then went to leave again.

Here's a possible meaning. You internalise (same building) your ex as a polar opposite (opposite end of corridor) to what you are but when you get down to the end of the hallway you realise that it's his mum that you see as other. It seems you've come to terms with aggressive and abusive (in others and yourself - probably worked out through those nightmares) but not ignorant, stupid, and fearful of which you are still intolerant.

[Waneta]

This may or may not be helpful, your mention of 'feeling resolved' reminded me of an experience I once had, though much lower on the scale. Back in high school in health class, my teacher had us do guided imagery one day. I had had crushes on guys before, and given my emotional state and internal conflicts at the time, I never fessed up about many of them.

I used to refer to him as the Tall One, like a code name, and right before he graduated I was told he liked me back. But he went to college and I was left in high school, and not allowed to date. Bad circumstances. He began to haunt my dreams over and over, never bad but always making me feel horribly sad. So, during guided imagery, I saw him, in a field, and we sat next to each other saying nothing.

Despite coming out of it in quiet tears, he stopped appearing in my dreams, and his leaving seemed to signify a sort of closure in a gentle way. But enough rambling.

I got a similar notion as Korpo about the soap thing. Maybe on the outside you seem not bothered by him much anymore but somewhere subconsciously it lingers. I also like Beekeeper's take on it. And I completely believe a dream or related experience can give you that sense of closure, something that honestly helped and stuck with me.

[Fogged]

I do not know how helpful my input will be, but here goes. Are you still thinking a lot about this relationship? It might be over, but its effects might still be lingering on you. I am not taking the components of the dream such as the scented soap... I am simply taking the entire dream. You couldn't have dreamed of your ex if he is no longer in your system right? I suggest you gently release him from your life and your subconscious mind. Perhaps this is the message of your dream.