Now several things happened, and I don't remember the order anymore. For one thing I would get the feeling of drifting in a warm glow, like in a comforting liquid, but without resistance. At one point the judging voice I know so well arose in my mind, but instead of going with it my mind noted a different quality about - it seemed more distant! This kind of lucid perception allowed to stay detached from it, become aware of the fact that there was a judging train of thought and observe it, and even become aware of energy blocks in my head that were associated with it and dissolve them for a while. They were a bit more subtle, and I got a bit too excited to stay with them as I became aware of the fact that indeed I had connected with the judging nature of my mind and was gently dissolving it. I was also excited because the slight distance I felt reminded me already of the experience [...] where I had felt even spatially separate from the judging mind.
Images started to appear in my inner vision, short images of passengers that weren't even on the train when I opened my eyes to check. I never had seen them before, I somehow knew that, but there they were.
While I traversed Munich Main Train Station on the way to the last ride to work, waves of joy softly emanated from the inside out, putting a smile on my face. I became aware that a goofy smile put itself on my face, that I somehow seemed to be radiating a positive quality outward.
As I rode the train I listened to music. I felt like listening to Bruckner, so I chose the Adagio of the 7th. I could not say what the nature of its beauty was, and then the train exited the tunnel at East Train Station. Normally not a sight to see, but in my state of mind I just saw the sun light of a fresh spring morning reflecting on all the concrete buildings, and the joy of listening to Bruckner as a "soundtrack" to this almost made me weep. The same way the warm morning spring sun seemed to put an elevating shine and reflection on everything it touches, turning the mundane into beauty, the same quality seemed to be present in the music, whereas a touch of spirit elevates human experience to be a thing of beauty.
My mother calls this music sad and tragic when I told her I listen to Bruckner the first time. But it is so much deeper. It is just beautiful, not dramatic in an emotional sense so much, but a portrayal I guess of human nature, and when you see it like the composer might have seen it, who takes the bitter-sweet with the joyful, who encompasses a wider range of emotion beyond mere drama to convey something about ourselves, I'd say it has a certain transforming nature, a touch of spirit.
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