Dreamy's Beau

[Timothy]

July 28th Thursday 2016 at 8:13 pm
Staying in Ky. Longterm.

Elsewhere broken up.

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July 31st, Sunday

Pride, Bitter Rage guarding over a lifetime of hurts, but for me to see her on tomorrow falling....pride will cost her most.

Being set at powerless thru this...I've felt the extreme bite of being helpless to her decisions...hell bent...on catastrophic ends.

My comment to her days ago, as I began to realize: "you will tame that rage of your's". Just looking at the very cost of this Rage that by the end of this day...spills into...???????????!!!!!!!!

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A year ago...August 1st, having leased 12 months to rent, I moved into 68 Rad....

Out of that year Aug 1-July 31, I've spent 14 weeks (3,7,4) here in kentucky. There: 38 weeks or 266 days or 6384 hours or 383,040 minutes or 22,982,400 seconds...at my usual 68 hb/mn 24,514,560 heartbeats++.

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Prior to that lease I'd stayed my first 5 days in a hotel, followed by the rest of July in a temporary empty apartment.

What started as a visit to let another know that I was very real, caring of their circumstances, and heavily concerned...given our shared conversations leading to the equally agreed upon visit....cascaded out thru 13 months.

And at the end of this day into tomorrow, having pridefully decided thru rage...Hurt self-forcedly walks right back into where I met her on the Monday morning of June 29th 2015.

Last night she called me with a request. Having not eaten for days, out of cigarettes , nothing but tap water...she asked if I'd call a store and have her readied list of needs delivered. This asked in tears while sitting with the same one she like to never broke free of, him having zero compunction to even suffice his own needs..much less her's. They roosting there within what I had provided. And yes, there were listed items particular to his needs as well.

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Being like any other, I too am capable of being internally moved to violence. I'd like to thank very God Almighty that thru these last years of my own personal struggles, that God has Peaced out of me what would otherwise be loosed.

I called the store ordering the listed items (doubling her's) and had them delivered to 68 Rad...

She called me later on...thanking me, whereupon I shortly declared how I felt about her decision. She then told me her only other option that would keep her off the streets. Her male friend of 20+years offered her to come stay with him in his apartment, but in her words to me he'd told her, "but you are going to have to give me that ass". So she declined his offered option to again step out into being homeless.

I told her that she has a place in me, that though I am completely devastated, that if she should ever decide, that I am still here in our world for her, but I also declared that I've never been an option, am not an option, and will not be an option. That I with her...we are the painstaking plan that both of us together set forth upon.

Sad thing is...that plan was in every detail completely fulfilled in the...having come...month of June, opening up the road to a life unimaginable. Came right down to it, she ran back to the COMFORT of her past.

COMFORT...friend or foe?

All for naught?

The Heart of the Matter - Http://youtu.be/6YuOCM2V-Uk

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Old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make "it" drink. Arabians

Reminds me of a discussion with an Arab brother. He explained to me that I'd crossed a great desert, only to fall short, being in sight of the oasis I'd been coming to. But that in my condition, I had no further ability to go any farther and was finished.

My reply to the Arab brother, since you are here with me in my most desolate condition, I will kill you and take your apparent provisions and finish my course.

He heartily laughed. Then I said, unless of course you'd break out those beers from your ice chest and we celebrate our good deaths right here just short of our togethered mark.

To which, in honor...he agreed to. Yet he Himself had shortly walked to me from our very oasis.

Honor ... if death is not honored, then how is "it"...THAT...very life be honored.

I have seen our Oasis, therefore tis mine...as Promised.

And thereupon that memorial spot, a well was deeply dug, to the limited oasis "it's" self having dried up. Mirage

Where faith met love.

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All for naught? No.

Moral of the story: To wherever you should find yourself having fallen JUST short...staring not upon the mark missed...to thereupon THAT spot...deeply dig.

Come as you are.

Well met.

Hope Springs Eternnal

Can You dig "it"?

The ♡ of the Matter - http://youtu.be/TyUcXzfNgqE

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Because the flesh gets weak and the ashes will scatter.