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farewell2arms
16th July 2010, 06:35 PM
My friend and I work for a garden company during summertime, and we spend a lot of time cutting hedges. We’re having troubles with our work leader. Or rather, our work leader is having troubles, which he takes out on the world at large.

This guy brings about him an uncomfortable aura and sets a generally bad mood. You just have to step into the same room as him to notice the difference. My workmates doesn’t consciously notice the difference, but I see it clearly; he brings them down.

He also tends to explode and rain down insults at me and my friend for trivial reasons, and complains about us working slowly while we’re practically carrying a bit of his workload as well. Every chance he gets at remarking on something small and insignificant, he takes and makes a huge thing out of it.

I speak a lot with my friend about this, I talk about how this guy probably comes from a very dark place, and how he treats others is also how he treats himself.

Now, I know we all have our own decitions to make about what we want to experience, and I accept that fully. The thing is, I am not sure how to act in these situations. Recent developments have more and more put me in a place where I am at some distance from myself, and this guy seems to help me to push my limits for what I can handle without getting affected, so from my point of view, this isn’t really a problem. It’s more like training. I also realize the value of experiencing negative situations and emotions, because these always bring development toward a brighter and more well understood present.

However, at the same time, I definitely don’t want to reward this mans actions in any way, as I feel it is important to show him I do not accept his behaviour. But at the same time, I understand him, and I feel for him (mostly at home when I have processed and understood the day’s events).

For a time, I have tried to be nice to him to see if this behaviour would cease. This just meant he turned all of his attention on picking on my friend instead of me.

I feel being angry back at him would be the most natural solution, but I don’t know if I’d be able to do that and keep my interior calmness intact. He is also my work leader, and future work with him could then turn out to be even more problematic.


What to do?

CFTraveler
16th July 2010, 10:07 PM
There are at least three ways to deal with this situation; directly, indirectly, and metaphysical/symbolically.
You can wait until you are not in the work environment with him, and ask him why he acts the way he does- not in an accusatory manner, but in a matter of fact manner. Why do you insult so-and so when you have trouble doing your part, and why do you think that making a big deal of any situation that doesn't go your way is going to solve a problem? Maybe in a social situation after work. Maybe this will tell him that it is noticed, nobody is fooled as to what is really going on, and that even though you may tolerate it, nobody likes it.
Another way is to go over his head, talking to whoever is in charge of the whole department. As a former supervisor, I used to like when someone let me know someone was doing this kind of thing- even if I couldn't do anything about it (depending on the circumstance, of course) employees like to be heard and know that management is aware of a bad work situation. This can also be done conversationally, without having to file 'official' reports on grievances. Just make management aware of tihs.

The metaphysical/symbolic approach can sometimes bring about the circumstances that will enable you to deal with it physically- a mirror shield for you and your friend may do wonders for when this person starts on some tirade- I have seen this work many times.

Beekeeper
17th July 2010, 09:07 AM
In "Your Aura and Your Chakras, The Owner's Manuel" Karla McLauren suggests a type of shield that still makes a person feel acknowledged and allows for relationship but shields you from their negative energy. She feels that it's very important we protect our auras from such people. I haven't used it but I'll share it in case you wish to try it.

Stand in a meditative posture. Sense your aura is a nice oval shape and intact. Ground by sending an energy cord from your root chakra. Send it deep into the earth and mentally shout your full birth name down the cord three times. Now imagine a rose symbol in front of you as tall as you are with a long, strong stem. It can be any colour but it should be healthy and have well spaced thorns and leaves. The flowering head should be as large as your face. Now, create a grounding cord for your sentinel rose the same was as you did for your body having the cord come from its centre at the rosehip. Try walking around with a sense of your sentry rose in front of you, moving with you and protecting the front edge of your aura (about arm's distance). It should transmit a peaceful, non-threatening greeting to everyone you meet but because it's grounded it should also be able to intercept other people's energies and ground them when they are sent to you. You destroy your own grounding cord at the end of the session but not the rose's.

Check on the rose and the grounding cord periodically, if it's withered, discard the rose and make a new one. Every morning, remember to mentally call your name down it's grounding cord. When you encounter destructive energy, imagine your rose eating the energy and growing stronger. If you need to throw a particularly aggressive person off a bit, send them a bunch of ungrounded roses while your sentry goes to work. This is particularly so if you feel that they have destroyed your sentry, as it gives you time to make a new, stronger one.

If this works for you, teach your friend how to do this too.

farewell2arms
17th July 2010, 09:45 AM
There are at least three ways to deal with this situation; directly, indirectly, and metaphysical/symbolically.
You can wait until you are not in the work environment with him, and ask him why he acts the way he does- not in an accusatory manner, but in a matter of fact manner. Why do you insult so-and so when you have trouble doing your part, and why do you think that making a big deal of any situation that doesn't go your way is going to solve a problem? Maybe in a social situation after work. Maybe this will tell him that it is noticed, nobody is fooled as to what is really going on, and that even though you may tolerate it, nobody likes it.

The thing is, many people have done this before, and he doesn't change. He deflects all criticism and tells people he's only joking, can't you take a joke? I have gotten serious and pushed him once last summer, and he exploded. He really can't see that he does anything wrong, he's so stuck in his own ego that he thinks the world circles around him. Everyone else are just tools for him. So I'm afraid it's not an option.

He's really wierd, cause sometimes he can be quite nice, and even buy us ice-cream and stuff, and the next minute he'll be bullying us again. I don't understand him...



Another way is to go over his head, talking to whoever is in charge of the whole department. As a former supervisor, I used to like when someone let me know someone was doing this kind of thing- even if I couldn't do anything about it (depending on the circumstance, of course) employees like to be heard and know that management is aware of a bad work situation. This can also be done conversationally, without having to file 'official' reports on grievances. Just make management aware of tihs.

The boss knows what he's like, but unfortunately, he doesn't really do anything about it. Heavoids confrotations. I heard he tried to fire him sometime last year, but the angry guy threatened with taking it to the authorities, cause here in Sweden you dont get to fire anyone without specific reasons, and "not liking someone" doesn't cut it...




The metaphysical/symbolic approach can sometimes bring about the circumstances that will enable you to deal with it physically- a mirror shield for you and your friend may do wonders for when this person starts on some tirade- I have seen this work many times.
This sounds very interesting, and I'll look into it.

Thanks for the help CF! :mrgreen:


In "Your Aura and Your Chakras, The Owner's Manuel" Karla McLauren suggests a type of shield that still makes a person feel acknowledged and allows for relationship but shields you from their negative energy. She feels that it's very important we protect our auras from such people. I haven't used it but I'll share it in case you wish to try it.



Thank you. I'll do this and make sure to report back if it work well. 8)

Tutor
17th July 2010, 02:16 PM
we are ever placed where we need to be, and with those whom may teach us of ourself. presume not to teach, but to reflectively see yourself in it, or in they as it were. in this way alone can anyone help/heal another. to divide yourself from it, or they as it were, is to divide yourself from helping/healing another (ergo feel to reciprocate in 'un' kind), as you yourself in need would have another help/heal you that is in it as well, you would have to allow them to touch you from their caring facility of heart.

facilitate healing from an accepting heart, and an open mind, being first and doing second.

tim

i'd like to say to such as this 'boss', "what is this bug up your ass?". yet in saying such, have i not said it from the bug up my own ass? so through another i have seen my self, bug for freaking bug.

if the heart is unaccepting the mind is then secondarily closed. thus to open the mind is from an accepting heart. doesnt mean that their is enabling approval, just means, we are all humanly frail and vulnerable and share the same gamut of expressions in revelation of our being, or as it were, our 'not' being that is merely doing in a reciprocal agency of actions=reactions greedily fighting for higher ground... cupidity or arrows missing the mark.

response is from the heart, like an arrow hitting the mark through an open mind. cupid

farewell2arms
17th July 2010, 05:42 PM
presume not to teach, but to reflectively see yourself in it, or in they as it were. in this way alone can anyone help/heal another.

All right. It struck me yesterday that the only thing that actually stands in the way in the middle of this conflict is my own ego. It’s me that’s part of creating this situation. If I lose that part, there is really no conflict. I suppose I just needed to hear it from another for it to sink in properly. 

But that’s just concerning me, and my growth... I’d like to help him aswell, if possible...




if the heart is unaccepting the mind is then secondarily closed. thus to open the mind is from an accepting heart. doesnt mean that their is enabling approval, just means, we are all humanly frail and vulnerable and share the same gamut of expressions in revelation of our being, or as it were, our 'not' being that is merely doing in a reciprocal agency of actions=reactions greedily fighting for higher ground... cupidity or arrows missing the mark.

response is from the heart, like an arrow hitting the mark through an open mind. cupid

All right. Yes, that makes sense. I suppose I really need to accept my own inability to make descitions for other people. By growing I suppose I’ll be able to see this whole conflict from a healthier viewpoint.

Then. ff he spits in my helping hand, it’s his descition.

Blessings Tim.

/ F2A